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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my 4 and half year old about Santa?

114 replies

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 18:06

So my four and half year old just asked me if Santa is real or not. I was a bit surprised and stalled him by asking him what he thought. He said "yes!" and ran off, but I know I will get asked again later (he likes repetition!)

Last week I had to do a great deal of explaining that ghosts and dracula and all that other Halloween stuff wasnt real because it was making him scared at bedtime, and I have also been telling him that "fibbing" is naughty (as he has just started doing it) So why would I make up a great big lie about Santa? How am I going to explain the fact that I lied when he does find out?

I never believed in Santa myself as the first year I asked who he was my older sister told me it was all made up and he didnt exist.

Is it a big deal to believe in the "magic"? Can I just tell him the truth? Does anyone else?

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 19:27

RuleBritania Great point! maybe I can do a Saint Nicholas speech!

OP posts:

meboo · 07/11/2012 19:28

WHAT???!!!??? What ever do you mean, i'm 37 and have never been told any different. Why would you think he didn't exist???

madhairday · 07/11/2012 19:29

We've done the what-do-you-think thing as well. DS is 9 and fervently believed, but the other day said to me that he knew Santa wasn't real because he saw Daddy putting his stocking on his bed last year , but could we still put out sherry/mince pies/carrots?

MNHQ

OliviaMumsnet · 07/11/2012 19:32

Hello there
NB We have edited your thread title from to tell my 4.5y/o Santa doesn't exist to tell my 4.5y/o about Santa?

We have a longstanding tradition of not mentioning this in thread titles.
Of course while we know this is a site for adults children who can read can see thread titles a bit more obviously than in the main text of a thread.

Thanks so much and happy ho ho ho holidays

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 19:37

Ok Olivia thanks - didnt mean to spoil it for anyone else's child!

lljkk looks like I am that mum already

OP posts:

maddening · 07/11/2012 19:39

I think you're over thinking it - just enjoy seeing your ds excited for Christmas - it is lovely.

AphraBehn · 07/11/2012 19:43

My youngest son hated the idea of Father Christmas and we had a couple of very stressful Christmas Eves where he would become almost hysterical at the thought of a strange person coming (not into the house, never in the house. We pretended he left the presents on the doorstep).

In the end we told him the story of Saint Nicholas and said that Father Christmas came from there. He was much happier after that and accepted him as a fictional character, he still enjoyed Christmas films for the entertainmnt they are.

I've never felt that we've missed out on any "magic".

PeggyCarter · 07/11/2012 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unlurked · 07/11/2012 19:57

Wow I didn't realise people were so passionate about Santa!

We haven't really started the santa thing. The dc's know about him from stories, poems, films etc but he's not really a big part of our Christmas. Both my dc's (4 and 2yo) are already excited about Christmas .

Christmas is such a special time for kids and I don't think that's down to the story of Santa tbh.

ClaireMarathonFeeder · 07/11/2012 20:03

I asked myself the same question OP when my forst was young, like you I didnt feel too comfortable lying, but then I do think most children WANT to believe.

I took the noncommittal route like others on this thread, same with the toothfairy, my standard answerwad always "I don't know, I have never seen him/her but maybe they do, what do uou think?" Which is probably closer to the truth than saying they don't exist, as really, how do we know for sure??

Dd1 is 11 now nad has stopped believing but kept it going for dd2 (8), because she liked the idea!

And she still trusts me, she does know I do not lie about important things and she can tell the difference!

I also agree that xmas can be magicsl anyway, so the choice really is yours.

Ps for the poster who asked about athrists celebrating xmas, for us is about family and showing love to the people thatcare you, and just being together.

stinkinseamonkey · 07/11/2012 20:05

what about talking somehow about St Nic the actual saint, so they wont go to school saying "santa doesn't exist"?

Justreadthefuckingwords · 07/11/2012 20:05

I can't believe people get their knickers in such a twist about 'lying' to their children about FC.

Really???

Did you all wake up screaming and hated your parents forevermore when you uncovered their hideous deceit?

Thought not.

Do you not read them fiction? (it's not true you know).

Jeysus, it's a little bit of magic, one of the little bits of magic that makes childhood so wonderful, so full of possibilities & imagination, it's the little bit of magic that makes the cellar stairs alive at night & the stars & the wind & the snow things of wonder.

Life's full of harsh truths. keep it magical for as long as you can.

HeadintheSandpit · 07/11/2012 20:11

Tim Minchin has a good middle ground: When he was asked this question by his daughter he said "Of course he's real... in the imaginary world"

Justreadthefuckingwords · 07/11/2012 20:12

Anyway, got to go and read the DCs their bedtime story, Mien Kampf tonight, they're four & five but you know, no good lying to them about the world.

(We did The Little Red Book last week, I'm thinking of the Marquis de Sade's Justine for a Christmas read)

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 20:14

HeadintheSandPit like it

OP posts:

awingandaprayer · 07/11/2012 20:22

No dont tell him yet! This article might interest you. Similar atheist principles about not lying but their daughter was not happy they didn't continue the pretence www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/dec/24/festive-fibbing

IgnoringTheChildren · 07/11/2012 20:25

I also didn't want to lie about Santa etc to my children and DH and I didn't tell DS1 about him, however his childminder and other people have.

DS1 is now 5 and I've told him on several occasions that Father Christmas isn't real - not in a trying to spoil his fun way, just when asked about him.

He still insists on believing anyway, but at least I have a clear conscience unlike when I've lied about cbeebies being broken; having run out of sweets; how it really is bedtime now...

ZeldaUpNorth · 07/11/2012 20:27

Ha Olivia, when my dd kept walking into the room I kept turning the page off incase she read it. :)

stopthebusiwanttogetoff · 07/11/2012 20:28

My 5.5 year old said he didn't believe the other day, and I told him he better start believing quick or Santa wouldn't bring him presents this year. He believes again now, but I don't think he'll faint with shock when he discovers the truth in years to come.

whatsforyou · 07/11/2012 20:32

I am a Children's Support Worker and this is something that comes up at work every year. I do group work and you inevitably have some who believe and some who don't.
I think hope it is possible to answer without lying or breaking hearts. When I am asked I take the same tack that I take about religion (although not comparing the two) That some people believe and some people don't and that it is not nice or kind to tell people that what they believe isn't true just as if someone doesn't believe then that is fine too and I always say i believe because I do

meala · 07/11/2012 20:33

My DD (7) and DS(5) know that it is all a big pretend and they love christmas, get super excited! I would not be happy or comfortable lying to them if they ask right out if santa is real,

Baffledandbewildered · 07/11/2012 20:34

Never tell !! My children are late teens and twenties we all beleive. I am an elf :)

woopdiedoo · 07/11/2012 20:39

I can remember the year I found out. I was about 5 or 6 and my parents made the mistake of leaving a present on the side a few days before. I asked for it but they said it was for someone else. When I unwrapped it Christmas morning, the penny dropped.

I was furious with the for lying to me and wouldn't speak to them all morning. I must have forgiven them though and it didn't damage my trust in them long term. I think my reaction was in part due to the disappointment but it was Xmas morning!

Someone told my eldest DC when he was about 5 or 6 at school. He didn't seem that bothered that I had 'lied', he was quite matter of fact but I was gutted that the magic was over for him. I am hoping that I can get my other 2 DCs to believe in Santa for as long as possible.

batteryhen · 07/11/2012 20:41

We had to tell my neice that he didn't exist when she was about 5. The reason for this was because she was scared witless that a man she didn't know was going to come into her house and room in the middle of the night. She was petrified that she would wake up in the night to find a huge fat man at the bottom of her bed.

My other neice never believed from an early age. Her school were making christmas shoe boxes to send to schools in Africa, and she said 'if there was a santa we would not have to do this as he would deliver toys to them himself'

I would say to my DS when he is old enough that santa exists to those people who believe.

fluffypillow · 07/11/2012 20:49

My 10 yr old said to my DH recently......I don't believe in Father Christmas anymore you know. I just pretend to because it makes Mum happy

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