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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell my 4 and half year old about Santa?

114 replies

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 18:06

So my four and half year old just asked me if Santa is real or not. I was a bit surprised and stalled him by asking him what he thought. He said "yes!" and ran off, but I know I will get asked again later (he likes repetition!)

Last week I had to do a great deal of explaining that ghosts and dracula and all that other Halloween stuff wasnt real because it was making him scared at bedtime, and I have also been telling him that "fibbing" is naughty (as he has just started doing it) So why would I make up a great big lie about Santa? How am I going to explain the fact that I lied when he does find out?

I never believed in Santa myself as the first year I asked who he was my older sister told me it was all made up and he didnt exist.

Is it a big deal to believe in the "magic"? Can I just tell him the truth? Does anyone else?

OP posts:

thisthreadwilloutme · 07/11/2012 18:54

No no no don't tell him the truth! Christmas is magical for little kids! Have you seen the thing on Pinterest about how to tell your kids the truth about christmas? It's for when they are older. Here's the link Have some tissues ready!

reallyboredatwork · 07/11/2012 18:55

Leave the bastard

MamaMumra · 07/11/2012 18:55

DS (9) still believes in Santa although he has rumbled me as the tooth fairy (still expects a coin but tries to negotiate directly to get more). He knew that the various santas we saw at shopping centres etc were not the real Santa.
I think it's harmless and fun and you never know ..... Have you never seen the polar express ?

MamaMumra · 07/11/2012 18:56

bored

thebody · 07/11/2012 18:57

I never ever believed in Santa.it just sounded like a crock to me.

Told all my 4 and they thought it was a crock as well. Also couldn't understand why Santa didn't visit ' poor children' and why we did shoe boxes for them.

BUT it's a nice crock and we all enjoyed it.

Never worried about my kids telling others it wasn't true, why would you?? You can't control what they say on Santa matters.

Seriously if kids of 9 truly believe that one man goes around the world in one night with reindeers then I would think they arnt stimulated or enquiring enough to deduce that it's not feasible.

Now the Easter bunny!! Totally different.

tigrou · 07/11/2012 19:01

The way we see it, it's not lying, it's playing "let's pretend", which is a totally normal thing to do with children

MamaMumra · 07/11/2012 19:01

I think older kids love the magic of it all. DS has told me what he wants for Xmas but I think he loves the whole Santa charade and the 'extra' presents

freddiefrog · 07/11/2012 19:02

My DD1 (11) asked for a couple of years, I just said it was up to her whether she believed or not. I came clean after Christmas last year, but she knew really anyway. She never felt we were out of order for lying to her, more that it was a nice, magical, fun thing, which when you think about it, can never be true

She has been warned that if she spoils it for her sister, there will be Big Trouble

If its not really the done thing where you are, then I wouldn't worry to be honest

Jakadaal · 07/11/2012 19:04

I have a 9 and a 10 year old who still firmly believe. When they ask I say that I believe as I do - in the story of Santa. That everyone deserves a small gift and that gifts show appreciation and love. That is also why we take part in the shoebox appeal and also any toy appeals that the Salvation Army do. FWIW I also believe in the story of the nativity, the birth of Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.

Just a thought but as Christmas is a religious festival should atheists be participating? not meant to be facetious just trying to understand. (By the way I was brought up Catholic but have been non-practising for many years)

IsabelleRinging · 07/11/2012 19:05

If you are going to only tell the absolute truth to your child then that is your choice.

Wouldn't like to erase all my own memories of the years when I believed Santa was real. If you want your child to grow up having never believed then tel them the truth always.

A bit of magic and mystery in childhood is healthy in my eyes.

reallyboredatwork · 07/11/2012 19:05

Leave the bastard

cleeve6 · 07/11/2012 19:06

IMO don't tell the truth, although I can see the dilemna - I've rarely lied to my kids about anything but Santa was an exception as we visited Lapland when they were little and I wanted them to really enjoy it. When they asked the question I said, 'well, I've never actually seen him and I don't know anyone who has', 'But Mum, but those presents must come from somewhere'. 'Better behave then, just in case'. From my own memory, I believed, then I didn't and I have no memory of finding out - it just sort of dawned eventually. My own 10yo DD is just about keeping it going this year (for my benefit I think ) and my 12yo DS only really got it last year - I definitely think it loses some of the magic when they know about the truth so keep it going as long as you can, they grow up too fast as it is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2012 19:07

It was ours first Jackdaal. If you believe then that's great. However, by all account Jesus' birthday wasn't in December. The tree is pagan, ditto lights in houses, holly and ivy (sympathetic magic to bring back the dead plants). Winter festivals are there to bring back the light, cheer everyone up in the winter and predate Christianity bu some time.

The eggs and bunnies at Easter are fertility symbols BTW

ebwy · 07/11/2012 19:09

as we're a pagan household who celebrate the midwinter but not of christmas, our boys are being raised with the knowledge that father christmas is a nice story some people believe and that it's very rude and presumptuous to tell anyone that what they believe isn't real.

I think it more likely that my boys will get picked on for our beliefs than that they will "ruin" christmas for anyone else.

crookedcrock · 07/11/2012 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2012 19:11

Here are all the different midwinter/solstice things. I particularly like the citrus bath idea and will be adopting it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/11/2012 19:13

YABU to spoil the fun. The Santa tradition is part of growing up. My DS was totally adamant that Santa was real... fervent fan. When he finally twigged I thought it would be a major let-down but, no, he still hangs up the stocking, thinks it's cool to be in on the secret & now likes keeping his little cousins as convinced as he was.

RuleBritannia · 07/11/2012 19:13

Santa Claus (St Nicholas) was real so there's no lying, is there?

ByTheWay1 · 07/11/2012 19:16

When my girls were 3 and 4 my MIL scared the hell out of them - telling them Santa would come into their bedrooms and check if they were asleep....

we had to tell them there was no such thing as Santa because just saying he didn't go in their room really did not make it better.... still they understood it was a magical time and that some people believed in him, so didn't spoil it for others thankfully..... also meant we gave them a special coin for their teeth - not the tooth fairy (imagine a mythical character coming into your room , looking under your pillow and taking your tooth away... Santa was NOTHING compared to the tooth fairy...)

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2012 19:16

I don't think he flew around the world with magic reindeer so, yes, there is lying.

PosieParker · 07/11/2012 19:17

It's make believe which is not the same as lying.

Or should you talk to you kids about how Mummy loves an orgasm too?

lljkk · 07/11/2012 19:17

I have never done the Santa-FC thing with DC. It's very annoying that school promote FC so strongly because DC end up believing in FC anyway, can get quiet hysterical about it if I dare to contradict. Only somehow FC doesn't do in our house what he seems to do in everyone else's (sigh). DH & I grew up believing in Santa but we just can't go along with the farce of it.

We live in super mono-cultural area. No Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Bahai in sight. Let alone us humanists.

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 19:25

wow loads of responses thanks, everyone
even liked tomsbentpinky's which made me chuckle, but thanks mamapower for sticking up for me!

I am still on the fence though, you are all so convincing! I was very nearly swayed by worraliberty you are so right, xmas does have to be made lovely for kids and better a liar who makes it lovely than otherwise.

However... its still a lie that is going to make all my other efforts at parenting look like real hypocrisy. This is the first year that I will be really explaining who Santa IS - so it feels like a real decision whether to start the lie or not (its not so much - do i ruin it? as more, do I start it?)

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyAbroad · 07/11/2012 19:26

Posey I have never been asked outright about orgasms thankfully, but I suppose that day will come one day too!

OP posts:

lljkk · 07/11/2012 19:26

I tell DC that FC is a nice story that people like to believe in, like Jesus, so don't spoil their fun by saying it's not real.

We get threads on MN of outrage about somebody's precious Tarquin getting told the truth about FC. You don't want to the that Mum in the playground.

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