to think he should have chosen his dd instead of his friend?

[CharlotteCollinsislost]

My h has been invited to a stag weekend by a good friend. The weekend in question is the birthday weekend of our turning-9yo dd. He's chosen the stag do.

This means he misses most of the day itself (Sunday) and the night of the sleepover party (Friday night).

So AIBU to think he should've said no?

Okay then. Says who? The man about to be married...or you?

Being a parent isn't a lifestyle choice - it's a fucking religion, and don't you sloppy, self centred, reckless goer-outers forget it!

say what you feel now dont hold a thing back
and since when did children have birthday weekends OP think about it he isn't going down the pub all weekend It is a special occasion and he isn't going to miss his daughters birthday try and not sweat it honestly it isn't something to get het up over, what would he be doing when they were having the sleepover anyway ?

Do I get a prize? I have had two hen dos and DD has only had one birthday .

Well I think YANBU. I'm actually shocked you have so many people saying YABU! I would not be impressed at all if DH chose a boozy stag do weekend over our child's birthday but then he would never go for it.

And no, pictish it's not because we've become planks and have no life we are lucky to have family childcare and go out a lot, I still have all my pre-child friends, etc. But I think given the choice of disappointing a child by not being there on their birthday (which sounds possible according to the OP) and disappointing an adult friend, I'd go with the latter. But then I don't get why stag dos are such a special celebration thing, surely that's the actual wedding?

As for everyone saying 'oh he'll still be there on her birthday', yeah right, poured off a plane from Portugal after 48 hours of drinking, I'm sure he'll be in great form to have a birthday dinner or whatnot.

Weddings are important. Stag and hen dos are over-priced fluff that have only become significant in the past few years.

Do I get a prize? I have had two hen dos

that is just bloody greedy that is

I left my DD and went away for the weekend on my own HeN night and came back on my nearly husbands birthday

Anyway why should his friend be soooo disappointed?

I had people who had to miss my actual wedding for various reasons, I'd feel like a real bitch if I were to get upset with them about it.

PS you are so not BU for being upset that he missed your child's birth, jesus christ what a tosser

I don't think this is a big deal tbh. Does it matter if he's there on the sleepover day or not. Can you not all go out for a nice treat another day to make up. Usually parents aren't really wanted that much on sleepovers. Only to provide food.

I wouldn't be bothered.. if she is having her friends over to do a sleepover surely you can do some sort of family thing some other time? I don't see why mothers or fathers have to be martyrs all the time for their kids.

personally I think YABU

YANBU and I'm amazed so many people think you are. I'd never leave DH to deal with a party sleepover on his own, and I'd be pretty annoyed if he did that to me. Sleepovers take a fair amount of organising and I'd like the support of another adult - even if it's just to listen when I'm moaning that there isn't a lot of sleep happening at the sleepover!

As for missing the actual birthday for a stag party I think that's pretty poor.

Well, about missing the birth - he was already in Russia when I started labour, but did spend a while on the phone trying to determine if it was really labour or not so he knew whether to fly back or fly on to a meeting. So I'm not really defending him there.

Selfish shellfish - I like that! :o

Glad to hear so many of you think the sleepover is going to be a walkover, as it were!

It's not something that would bother me personally providing my DD wasn't upset about it. She's also 8 and tbh would probably be delighted to have me to herself for a 'girly' weekend, but she's my only one so the circumstances are a bit different.

The friend in question must be a close one if he's your DD's Godfather and it sounds like he's tried to take into account your DD's birthday but been scuppered by his other friends being unable to make it.

Hopefully he'll get back at reasonable time on the Sunday laden with exotic goodies!

Let's hope so! That sounds good.

So, he was actually working in Russia when you went into labour, not off on a jolly?
You're milking it a bit, you know. You made it sound like something else entirely, just to make yourself sound less unreasonable

"Selfish shellfish" - love it!

No, he was on the holiday with his friend in Russia, then heading off from there to a meeting. He was booking meetings round the world right up to the due date.

And of course, I have no idea whether those were avoidable or not, because they were for work. So perhaps that's why I direct my anger at the ones I know are optional, like I said earlier.

Well I can understand why you are pissedoff with him given his previous, but yabu about the birthday/stag. In his shoes I'd choose a hen party.

I don't really get the huge fuss about birthdays, although it's fair enough for a 9yo of course. I'm pretty sure my dad missed a few of mine because he was away. No biggie.

could you not spend time with your dd on the friday go to dinner or something make it a mother and daughter night so you wont resent miss him so much, turn it around even if you want to gloat to him that you are making the effort,

The thing about stag and hen dos is that it is often a chance for friends who have not seen each for years to catch up - at the actual wedding the groom / bride will have a million people to talk to, best men will have duties etc and you don't get to catch up. Very close, even best friends these days often only see each other a few times a year. Its unfortunate when dates clash but if it is a friend of long standing then I think in the basic stag vs birthday YABU. I realise there is more to it in terms of the DH's general form for this kind of thing but taken by itself, I would let my DH in similar circumstances go, but he would owe me one

That's interesting, trixie, hadn't really thought of the significance of stag do's like that.

Yes, there is more to it in this case, but I really wanted to know what would be a normal response, because I think I am forgetting how to think normally...

If he's a selfish shellfish it's not surprising OP xx

Considering that there might be flight delays and so on, you should plan to do something on your dd's actual birthday (the Sunday) that isn't dependant on your husband being home in time.

That way if he makes it then it's a bonus, if not then never mind.

You don't need him there on the Friday at all - although granted sleepovers are a pita.