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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell people we aren't doing presents this year?

73 replies

Fancydrawers · 07/11/2012 10:11

We cannot afford to buy presents for everyone, as we are going on holiday later this month. Plus I really resent buying for people I can't stand

Would I BU to tell everyone we aren't giving presents and risk the fallout, or should I grin and bear it, and buy anyway? The only people we are going to buy for will be my parents (as we are v close to them and spending Christmas with them) and each other.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 07/11/2012 10:19

Who do you normally buy for then?

Mrsjay · 07/11/2012 10:22

we only buy for my parents and my sister sometimes we visit a friend and stay over christmas and we take some sweets andbooze you dont need to buy for a load of people, I have no PIL

CajaDeLaMemoria · 07/11/2012 10:22

It's a bit late, isn't it?

I mean, I know it's November, but most people will already have started. I think you'd need to give this announcement pretty early for it to be well-accepted - organised people might be able to regift what they'd bought to you to someone else but it's extra effort and it won't work if they've got you something that only you will like, or that's personalised...and it'd probably be much better accepted if you gave people adequate notice.

I'd just buy something from holiday and give that, if you can't afford whatever you'd usually get, and say that the holiday made funds tight. That's likely to be better received in my opinion.

Justforlaughs · 07/11/2012 10:22

Depends on who we are talking about here, if it's close family that will be buying for you why not suggest a voucher system this year where each of makes up a voucher for the others, such as a night of babysitting, an invite to a meal at yours, etc. In fairness, in our family we do buy for the children but that's it. Adult buying stopped years ago. None of us could afford it, but equally none of us really wanted anything either. Pointless waste of time and money trying to find something taht they might want and didn't already have.

dreamingofsun · 07/11/2012 10:24

at least if you forewarn people they can decide if they want to buy for you or not. does depend a bit on who they are though.......would be a shame if everyone took this approach with youngsters so they didn't get any presents.

yes my brother and mother ...hope you are reading this and feeling stingy.... at least my IL's still buy for the kids so they do get some presents along with ours.

Original poster
Fancydrawers · 07/11/2012 10:35

That's true, it is a bit late. I'm just getting a bit stressed about it now. It's usually for DH's side of the family, but they are a large family and it ends up costing a fortune. Maybe I'll get something from the markets shops on holiday for everyone. I know they won't have spent much on us so technically shouldn't be an issue. Hopefully.

OP posts:
Revelsarethebest · 07/11/2012 10:37

I never bought xmas gifts for about 3 years running once. I told people in September that i wouldnt be buying gifts. I was skint at the time and didnt buy for anyone.

People thought i was joking and that i couldnt possibly be that mean.

So two days before xmas, my mum said to me "You was joking wasnt you about not buying gifts?"

No i wasnt i replied. Christmas came and people had bought me gifts, and genuinley thought i was joking about not buying gifts.

i didnt feel guilty as everyone was warned way in advance.

I didnt do gifts for 3 years. Family called me tight and all sorts but i didnt care Grin

I wasnt prepared to get myself in debt to buy people things they wanted rather than needed.

healstorturepeople · 07/11/2012 10:38

Seems a bit mean when its just because you are going on holiday.

Chestnuts33 · 07/11/2012 10:39

Have you considered that it might actually come as a relief to them? It would be a relief to me if some of the people I buy Christmas and Birthday pressies said let's not swap pressies anymore. I should probably say it myself, but I am concerned people might think I am being stingy, as I have a well paid job.

My problem with it isn't really that I can't afford it, more that I find it stressful and time consuming as I have always got something to buy for someone... also the stuff I get back often ends up in the charity shop bag after a couple of months of sitting in the cupboard Grin

Agree that it might be a bit late for this year, as some people do start their Christmas shopping ridiculously early

OTTMummA · 07/11/2012 10:41

revelsarethebest more people should have that kind of attitude.

Revelsarethebest · 07/11/2012 10:45

I simply just couldnt afford it at the time, any gifts i would of bought would have to of gone on the credit card and i wasnt prepared to do that.

When i did started buying gifts again, nobody bought me a thing that year! Grin

healstorturepeople · 07/11/2012 10:51

I think its fine to say no presents if you canr afford it. Not if its because of a holiday.

Original poster
Fancydrawers · 07/11/2012 10:56

Mean in what sense? I'm not doing it out of spite, I just don't want to spend money we don't have on presents for people we barely see.

OP posts:
MrsCantSayAnything · 07/11/2012 11:01

Make them all. Baked gifts are better than no gifts.

ImperialFireworksInMyKnickers · 07/11/2012 11:01

Can you not just get presents for children not the adults?

RobotLover68 · 07/11/2012 11:01

I knocked presents on the head a few years ago - however I told everyone in September, so it may already be too late for this year OP

I only buy for my dad, dh, kids and DSD's kids - that's it

Justforlaughs · 07/11/2012 11:02

OP, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you be offended if a relative (assuming that we are talking about relatives here) said that they wouldn't be buying you/ your DC a present this year because they were going on an expensive holiday?. If you would then YABU if you wouldn't and would see it as a relief then YANBU.

MistressIggi · 07/11/2012 11:06

I have just about finished my shopping, so would be unimpressed to be told now!
I find if you scale back the presents one year, (ie buy smaller gifts) then others will do that the next year.

Ephiny · 07/11/2012 11:38

I would be fine with it. In fact I really wish people wouldn't buy me presents, I never want them and the whole exercise just seems so pointless to me.

On my side of the family we don't do presents for adults. Maybe suggest this, you never know, it might be a popular idea. Lots of people find it a chore and an unnecessary expense.

Mrsjay · 07/11/2012 11:42

could you get family gifts for the inlaws maybe a big box of sweets or something instead of individual gifts for them all , or just give the children ?

Mrsjay · 07/11/2012 11:43

I would get your husbands parents something

catkind · 07/11/2012 11:46

Second if you're on a tight budget, make gifts. You could make up big batches of biscuits or sweets, get some shiny xmas paper plates & napkins, some ribbon, put tasty things on plates, cover with cling film, tie up with pretty ribbon, done.

(Much rather receive edibles than some random item of crockery we'll never use too. Secretly hoping you're related to me and you go that route Wink )

TravelinColour · 07/11/2012 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 07/11/2012 11:53

I only ever buy for DH, our girls and my parents plus my best friend.

Just tell them you can't afford it. And enjoy your holiday !

Ephiny · 07/11/2012 11:54

Personally I'd actually prefer that people spent their money on themselves than on giving me stuff that I don't want or need. Seems more sensible to me.

(A holiday surely is usually orders of magnitude more expensive than a Christmas present though, so I'm not sure of the connection between the two things.)