To ask family for a contribution towards Christmas food?

[Chestnuts33]

I have always gone to my parents for Christmas every year until now. This year they are coming to me for the first time. They will be staying for about four days and will be bringing my younger brothers too.

Obviously it's going to be expensive feeding the extra mouths for four days especially with expensive Christmas food - I read somewhere the average cost of Christmas dinner is going to be £90 for average family this year, and I have them staying for four days.

AIBU to ask them to contribute? I was not going to ask for money as that seems a bit rude and they are my family afterall but thought it might be ok to ask them to bring say the Christmas cake or pudding? Or something like Christmas crackers? Or does that seem petty?

Obviously I appreciate they are incurring petrol costs (probably about £50) driving to see me so not as though I'm the only one spending money. Also I have been to my parents every year until now and they have never asked me to contribute :o

Just wanted to know what the done thing was when you are the host for Christmas. Money is a bit tight at the moment however I don't want to be stingy or offend anyone

I wouldn't mind. Personally I'd prefer to bring something tangible turkey/wine/cake rather than cash.

My FIl buys the turkey, ham and sausages and I think some wine as well. Me and DP get everything else foodwise. SIL was asked to bring crackers last year and I'll do the same this year. Her new DP will bring wine (she's a wine buff). BIL sometimes brings cheese but we are usually too stuffed to eat it, am going to suggest he brings wine some refreshments this year. My mum offered to bring Moet last year, but I told her to bring a big thing of celebrations instead. DP also gets a big hamper from work (!!) so we get some stuff (cake, pudding, sweets, wine, mince pies) from that too.

Obiously that's only Christmas Day though. Over the next few days can you engineer it so there are some lunches out and maybe some take-aways? Boxing Day I refuse to cook so it's all picky-bits from the fridge, could you not do the same.

I'd make a list and if you are asked 'can we bring anything' you can say 'yes' and tick something off the list. I would also look at some of the Christmas threads and work up your shopping list now and stick to it, you could also begin to get some stuff that would keep.

You could always do what my PILs did last year. Run out of food on Boxing day and be so fussy that we had to go and buy everything (for 6) from local farm shops.

Yabu you don't have to cook expensive meals. Spag Bol, shepard pie stew go,a long way.

4 days is not long just have a menus plan and shop accirdingly

Oh gosh you have brothers too coming fr 4 days. I would stck with easy cooking for the masses

You could ask them to bring some food

I think I'm unusual in this, but I would never, never ask people I was hosting to do/bring anything unless they offered. I would consider it really rude. This might be a cultural thing though (I'm Irish) or maybe its just my family / friends.

PS Seriously, how much would you save anyway? Its hardly worth being (IMO) petty for the price of a box of crackers surely?

We always have a big family Christmas. Everyone contributes in some way. An uncle always makes and bring an Xmas pud, an aunt makes bread sauce, cranberry sauce and brandy butter, someone else will bring a cake, another the crackers. Nearly everyone will bring at least one bottle of something. If someone doesn't like Xmas pud they bring an alternative. Party food for the evening will be bought too. Christmas can be bloody expensive, why should the host carry the cost. Most people are more than happy to contribute towards making Christmas a special day.

No, dont be petty. Dont ask your parents to bring anything!

How many children do you have, and your brothers?

Do you need to ask? If my parents were staying for four days, they'd bring some food and wine with them, without so much as a hint.....

Perfectly ok to ask them to bring things i.e. wine /crackers /maybe dessert items.

Ridiculous to present them with a bill. If you can't afford to put them up and serve them Christmas dinner then you shouldn't have asked them to come - sorry to be blunt.

I have just bought the Christmas day bundle from M&S for £100 for 6 people which includes cheeseboard and a dessert as well as turkey and all the trimmings. Therefore it should be possible to do it for a lot less than that by shopping somewhere cheaper. We had SILs family last year for 4 days and for the other days I did cheap meals - frozen fish portions and chips, spag bol, pizzas. If you have a freezer you can stock up now on cheap deals so as to spread out the cost a bit.

Christmas day fine, but seems much to put the brothers up fr 4 days as well, are they not able to go home, do te bothers need to stay ver as well

I never turn up anywhere empty handed. Just try and stop me doing dessert and there will be trouble. But this year me and DH are hosting Xmas dinner.

My DM insisting on giving me money towards it but I am refusing. I'm by no means rich quite poor actually sob but in my eyes guests/family just shouldn't pay.

A food contribution should be accepted only if offered IMO.

YANBU
My parents and DSIS come for Christmas and my mum, who has a brilliant village butcher, brings and pays for beef for Xmas day and a big chicken for boxing day.
When she could still bake I used to get quiche and chocolate cake too.

I never go anywhere empty handed but what i or anyone else does is not the point as every family does things differently.

As you never take anything or ask them if they want you to bring anything i dont see how you can be the one to ask now. If your mum asks then it is a different matter and you could then ask for a contribution to the meal or a nice bottle of wine or port, not money though as you dont ask people for diner and then give them the bill.

It's one thing for the host to pay for everything if next year you swap round, but my parents house isn't big enough for us all to go there.

When she could still stand for long periods we got loads of baking brought, but as her Knees are now too horrible the butchers has become a good compromise.

Also mine is nothing like as cheap and reliable. I live in a naice bit of rural England. She lives in real farming country.

I do a massive shopping order and we all chip into the costs. There are 2 of us (1 adult, 1 child) but for various reasons, always host Xmas and there are 10 adults with the rest of my family!

I don't think it's rude but then it's agreed - I don't ask for the money, they offer

Presumably you invited them, and they didn't just announce they were coming?
If so, it would be bad form to ask for a contribution.
On the other hand, it would be a bit off of them to arrive for 4 days and not suggest it themselves; so perhaps they will.

I've just been thinking about this, we always have my Dad for Xmas, he's never brought anything which is fine only one extra mouth to feed.

Boxing Day we always have SIL, neices and MIL before she died. They never brought anything either, nor ever helped. I keep wondering if SIL will ever ask us to hers on BD

Have they ever asked you to contribute?

My guess would be they'll arrived laden with food anyway....

we all contribute in our family. one might do crackers, cheese and nuts while someone else gets pudding, chicken etc

I'd go down the route of getting a bit stressed planning / thinking of everything, could they possibly bring the pudding and wine, so that is ticked off your list and something you don't have to think about.

Similar here. I'd never ask parents, but we have DSis every year (and her DH and 3 kids). This year I'm asking them to bring pudding and booze (after I expressed shock at how much a turkey cost and she has offered to contribute). Difference is we've never had xmas day at theirs and DSis hasn't bought me every meal from 0 - 18.

My folks do a Tesco stamps saving card each year, and give us that as their contribution - around £50 I think. They also bring a bottle of champagne and Mum sometimes brings a ham. Seems reasonable, but we have never asked them to do this.

My PILs do the Christmas pud and also the Christmas Eve evening meal (DH's birthday so his mum likes to cook for him or at least pay for a meal out).

In recent years when we have been to PILs or DPs we have always paid for the turkey or arrived laden with champagne and booze to add to the haul.

At Easter we split the meal between the four households in our family and everyone brought a course. It worked really well.

The Tesco stamps thing might be worth suggesting for next year? Or each family group does a course, with the hosts responsible for the main course?