To ask family for a contribution towards Christmas food?

[Chestnuts33]

I have always gone to my parents for Christmas every year until now. This year they are coming to me for the first time. They will be staying for about four days and will be bringing my younger brothers too.

Obviously it's going to be expensive feeding the extra mouths for four days especially with expensive Christmas food - I read somewhere the average cost of Christmas dinner is going to be £90 for average family this year, and I have them staying for four days.

AIBU to ask them to contribute? I was not going to ask for money as that seems a bit rude and they are my family afterall but thought it might be ok to ask them to bring say the Christmas cake or pudding? Or something like Christmas crackers? Or does that seem petty?

Obviously I appreciate they are incurring petrol costs (probably about £50) driving to see me so not as though I'm the only one spending money. Also I have been to my parents every year until now and they have never asked me to contribute :o

Just wanted to know what the done thing was when you are the host for Christmas. Money is a bit tight at the moment however I don't want to be stingy or offend anyone

I agree you shouldn't need to spend 90 quid on a christmas dinner - shop wisely!

My parents would never want us to contribrute when we go to them but would happily do so if they came here. If I was going to struggle I would certainly ask them. It depends what sort of relationship you have with your parents really, but asking for contributions to the shopping is no biggie as far as I am concerned.

I wouldn't ask for money but ask them to bring something. We usually do that with family occasions so bringing the wine/port/beer or cheese board or Christmas cake or a ham for Christmas eve. Agree in advance or you can end up with multiple christmas cakes / puddings / turkeys

I think the fact that you have never taken anything to your parents for Christmas (which I'm a bit about!) shows that you're not the type of family that takes contributions when staying with each other. Therefore, I do think they may find it a bit cheeky to be asked to bring something. I would wait to see if they offer.

I've tried sitting on my hands and not ask. But. It's. Just. Not. Working. How could you go to somebody's house for Christmas and not take something? Even when I was single and only went for the day, I would at least take a large Christmas cake (which lasted until August).

I think it entirely depends on your own and their financial situation. I wouldn't hesitate to ask my own family if I needed to, but then my biggest problem is stopping my DM from supplying the entire meal! She brings duplicates of everything I already have far too much of in the first place. I don't see why you could n't ask them to bring somethig with you, but realistically if they are staying for 4 days and you ask for a box of crackers you might cause offence for not a lot of benefit. If they are well off why not ask them to bring the turkey? If they are not well off ask if they would help out by making some nibbles, then they can spend as much as they want to.

We never contributed anything to Christmas dinner at home when my dad was still alive, until we were earning etc. I started it (I'm the eldest) by bringing some decent wine, then no. 2 sis offered to make mince pies a year or two later, and so on, but ma and pa carried the main burden.

Now our dad is gone and ma has moved to somewhere more manageable so we take turns in hosting Christmas, and each of us brings a bit. I do the meat/turkey, I roast it overnight, wrap it in foil, towels and old duvets, and take it with us. No. 2 does puddings, no. 3 does cheese (she's a crap cook) and no. 4 does veg and starters. Ma has repossessed the mince pie job. Various DPs/DHs do the booze. This was never formally discussed, it just sort of happened.

IME people want to help with the preparations - it's all part of the excitement and saves one person getting harrassed. Suggest contributions - plenty of ideas upthread. In our family Christmas crackers, wine, mince pies, nibbles and chipolatas are considered the norm, but we wouldn't tend to turn up on anyone's doorstep empty handed.

Keep breakfast simple - don't give yourself extra work/expense.

My mum is buying and cooking the turkey for me, but I will get/do everything else. I have been saving my nectar points to spend at Christmas! It just totally depends on your family dynamic - at my sil's last year mil did the turkey and we all contributed something to dinner (actually made something) and I think my pil gave her she money as well. And people bought bits and bobs of booze and stuff. It could be a bit of an awkward conversation though, if it's not what is usually done - I think I would be prepared to do everything and keep my fingers crossed that they offer to contribute, then jump at it if they do!

I buy frozen croissants for breakfast, (about 30p each) take them out overnight and cook them in the morning. A really nice, light breakfast.

charlearose exploding eggs

Serve lots of veg with meals, and a good tip is to serve larger sausages with the Christmas lunch instead of chipolatas, which are more filling and they won't eat so much turkey if you want to save some for sandwiches.

Buffet foods can be more expensive than a meal, so plan what you want to make and look out for special offers on ingredients. Soup, sandwiches or jacket potatoes can be cheap and filling lunches.

No shame in asking people for home-made things that they do so well, cakes mince pies, puds.

I think that you should pay for Christmas dinner, but if they are going to be staying for 4 days, then adults should contribute for the days they are staying.

£90 how many are you feeding, i don't think my mum has ever paid that and there was 9 of us living home

OP what age is your brothers are they young teenagers you could ask your parents to bring some supplies for them say something like oh I am not sure what they like , but i do think this rests on you because you didnt really contribute anything to your parents just arrived and ate,

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We started cooking the Xmas dinner when DH moved in with me and my parents, and it started off that my dad took us shopping to buy all the food and he'd pay. That's carried on since moving out (although we don't normally see them on the 25th - we just do it on a different day for the family). The way my dad sees it, it's fab because he doesn't have to cook and we usually do something fairly fancy - DH is an ex chef. It's great for us as unlike my parents normally we eat very basic food. So everyone's happy. They also bring wine but that's because we don't drink it. It's our Xmas present from them really, to pay for the food.

We've been invited to a friend's for Xmas dinner (but on 24th) this year for the first time, so I will definitely be asking if she wants us to bring something. I have a feeling she will say no, but I'll still try making some nice truffles or biscuits or something to take at least, and probably drinks for us as we like different things.

Last year we had 14 over for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. PIL brought a huge veg box, my parents have me some cash to put towards buying the meat, my DSIS and SIL brought cheese, biscuits and desserts. We provided all the booze, breakfasts, starters, snacks Christmas puds etc etc. It worked really well for us.

We're off to PIL this year and will no doubt be given a list of stuff to bring

I think you can easily get to £90 for Xmas dinner for a large number if you aren't careful. Shopping carefully is absolutely crucial and avoiding convenience foods is pretty important too. I fancied a fresh turkey last year but the size I needed was £65!!!!! The frozen one at £20 did the trick nicely and was actually a bit bigger. Puddings for a large number can be £6-7. It really can add up.

Just one thing to add on, chestnuts. People tend to think about the festive meal (understandable I guess) but in all the places I've stayed in over a holiday or celebration, what often remains in my mind are the living and sleeping arrangements - to which comparatively little thought might have been given.

If I were you, I would be thinking clearly about beds and towels and use of bathrooms etc etc so get that clear in your mind - to allow things to run as near as possible like clockwork on the day. By the time it gets to actual Xmas day, your family will likely already have eaten enough to take them through to February (work parties, evenings out, general loosening of rules) so with extras which I think they'll inevitably bring - in spades - you should be OK on the eating front.

I think if finances really are tight then in a family you should be able to be honest and say so! I think £90 is excessive for Christmas dinner ( unless it is including the alchohol?). Unless you actually want left over turkey, why not invest in a crown of turkey- a large one will easily serve 6-8 and will be cheaper than a turkey. Go on to the website of the supermarket you usually visit and try and do the shop online for the things you would buy- looking for the cheapest options in each case and see what you can pare it down to.

Get in basics for breakfast and lunches on the non-festive days- pasta with a homemade tomato sauce with bacon, herbs, onions, couple of baguettes to make garlic bread- very cheap and filling.

Boxing Day we often make a sort of spicy rice dish with turkey, peppers, onions and other veg stir fried with tikka paste and a some white wine then add to basmati rice- couple of naan breads and a pack of poppadoms. Costs very little.

I would be very upfront with your mum and suggest they do dinner on one of the nights and ask if she could maybe bring a christmas pud/mincepies etc

i wouldn't ask for money no, but I think it's fair enough to say can you bring along a bottle of wine or two and some pudding or whatever

also meal plan the days after with the leftovers to save money

I'm sure if u just started a conversation about them coming to u for Christmas then your mum would do the usual mum thing of "anything I can do to help?" you then answer with "actually, could you please do ............"
My parents always did Xmas lunch when my brother & I were younger, but now I always contribute if anything is needed or if not I turn up with stuff!! Sometimes my mum just asked if I can do the table which then I usually get a table display (candle in some sort of flower type thing from waitrose) & the crackers to match my colour scheme!! My Mil has to be asked to contribute if they come (she'd ask us to contribute if we go to her but doesn't think the same should apply but that's a whole other story!! )

If it was just Christmas dinner then that's different, but as its four days then I think you could ask them without mentioning money. Ask them to take the pressure off u. Entertaining for 4 days is a lot of work.

I see no problem with asking them to maybe bring some pudding/wine/crackers. My inlaws and my mum have always brought something with them. DP and I insisted on contributing plenty last year when inlaws hosted. Like you say, this stuff is expensive!

Having said that, I've started stocking up on non perishables a few weeks ago. And there's a joint of beef in the freezer already for christmas day. Sadly, the Quality Street didnt quite make it. We ate them at the weekend Maybe you could stock up on bits here and there with your normal food shop?

Just don't do what my DP's cousin did to their uncle a couple of years ago and keep him waiting til 7pm for dinner (not feeding him anything so much as a Pringle all day either!) and then charge the poor old sod 20 quid for his dinner Bear in mind they invited him along but never said anything about a cash contribution beforehand apparently. Cheeky fuckers.

My parents come to us every year as my mum hates cooking Xmas dinner and Mr Euro quite enjoys it, so they bring something as there is no reciprocal hosting. Usually it's one big thing - the cake, the pudding or a bottle of champers.

They only stay for Xmas afternoon and evening, so we give them a doggy bag of turkey and the puddings to take home as it is nice to have the leftovers on Boxing Day and they would never have that otherwise.

Definitely don't ask for money, that would be really rude! It's okay to ask for food or drink if they ask what they should bring or offer. If you never brought anything when staying at theirs then I think it's rude to ask for a food or drink contribution unless they bring it up. Yes 4 days of visitors at Christmas can cost a bit extra in food but doesn't have to be £90!

I've done Christmas for my family and DH's family for probably 13 years out of the last 15.

We were lucky that we had a big house and people started staying over until it got to the point where 1 family were arriving 3 days before Christmas and staying till 28th, then next family would arrive on the 29th and stay till after New Year depending on bank holiday days. It just got out of control. People started expecting us to do it rather than thinking 'how nice!'

My Mum always used to ask if they could do anything - one year she brought the puds and Cheeseboard, another year they paid for the turkey (did not feel bad about this as DB lives with them and pays them extra money at Christmas to help with the cost of food - which they don't spend on Christmas as they are here with me!!).

Delia's Christmas book has some great leftover dishes.

We moved to a smaller house last year and went to my parents for Christmas day - I took puds and cheese and Mum moaned about how much hard work it was and how expensive........... DH told 'we know - we've been doing it for over 10 years!'