To think that DH has no right to feel aggrieved about cleaning the house?

[Jinsei]

DH was not in work today and spent much of the day cleaning - not the normal day-to-day stuff, but the kind of thing that doesn't get done that often. It was pretty grim - he discovered mould on the back of our sofa. :( Not a nice job to sort it out, but for some reason, he seems really annoyed with me about it.

I didn't ask him to clean today, it was his idea. I didn't know about the mould either. He thinks we would have known about the mould earlier if we cleaned behind the sofa more often. That's probably true, and I agree we need to deep clean a bit more often, but I don't get why it's somehow my fault. He lives in the house, sits on the sofa etc, so it's as much his job to clean it as it is mine.

I'm pretty sure I'm not BU and really just want a rant, but please tell me if I'm missing something?

Nope. He's pissed off about it (for whatever reason) and wants someone to blame so he can take it out on them. That's you btw.
Tell him to do one.

YANBU.

He is playing the old blame game, it cant possibly be his fault, so therefore is must be yours.

Tell him to grow up and clean more often if it bothers him that much!

Sometimes, when DH is annoyed with 'us' he gets annoyed with me. Because, in his head, he knows he is annoyed with himself too so I need to be told. Just agree that 'we' need to clean more, work out a schedule and move on. If he implies for one second that it is your job, send him my way .

He doesn't actually say that it's my fault. Not in so many words. But he might as well. You're probably all right, and he just wants someone to blame because he's annoyed, but now I'm annoyed too!

Is he cross with you or just cross that there's mould behind the sofa?

If he's cross with you then he's clearly saying that cleaning is your job on account of your ladyparts

If he's just cross about it - cos let's face it, it's fairly gross - then just let it wash over you.

Nope, this is your problem (and I sometimes do it too)

He is annoyed, he is not saying it's your fault, YOU are taking it on. His annoyance is his, try and leave it with him instead if taking it on.

Next time you can send him here to clean and he can then tell you how much cleaner/tidier your house is than mine.

Hmm, I'm not sure. He hasn't actually said that it's my fault, but it certainly feels like his annoyance is directed towards me. I really don't think it is just me taking it on, but food for thought.

I doubt it DeWe.

Yes, but the annoyance is directed towards you and him collectively right? he is definitely annoyed at the ming

It's so easy to take on individually though. I don't know about you but I spend more time at home than dh so when shit goes wrong I do tend to feel a pang of it being a bit more my responsibility.

Yes, I guess he is actually annoyed at the ming and at both of us for letting it get that way. It is pretty gross to find that you've been sitting on a mouldy sofa.

He is actually at home more than me (he works PT, I work FT) but it hadn't occurred to me that this would make it any more his responsibility than mine. We both live in the house, and we should both make sure we clean it.