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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to ask a friend how much they earn or how much their house cost?

82 replies

Toffeeapple21 · 05/11/2012 20:34

A while ago a good friend asked how much I earn. I was taken back as I was brought up to believe you don't ask such questions. I didn't want to tell her as imagine I earn a lot more than she does and actually felt quite embarrassed. Also, I just don't consider it to be anyone else's business.

Also just moved house and lots of friends have hinted at how much house cost, although no one has asked outright. I know they could always look on Zoopla or Rightmove if they really want to find out.

AIBU to think its rude to ask these questions, or am I being a prude?

OP posts:
peachypips · 05/11/2012 21:04

I don't care. Remnant of our old class system IMO. I earn nothing, OH earns £26k, house is worth £500k. We were given our house by my ILs to avoid inheritance tax, and it always makes me laugh how people assume we are rich when we aren't!! Some people have even courted my friendship because they think we may have good jobs etc!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/11/2012 21:06

Yeah they are not the sort of questions you just come out with are they?

(I have no idea howmuch I earn a year but Iknow it's definitely £68 a week. flat cost me £48k, house cost me £140k)

KellyElly · 05/11/2012 21:07

A close friend no. Someone you barely know then yes.

Original poster
Toffeeapple21 · 05/11/2012 21:09

Should add this wasn't a colleague / someone in same industry trying to establish if their pay was fair, it was someone being nosy :o)

OP posts:
Everlong · 05/11/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/11/2012 21:12

Actually I would ask about house prices. In a "well how much did this set you back then?" kind of way. Plus im interested in property and stuff.

wigglesrock · 05/11/2012 21:15

I think house prices are ok to ask about, if its part of a conversation - I told a friend of mine how much we paid for our house but that was because we were specifically chatting about her thinking of moving. I have also looked at close friend house brochures and the asking price is on them.

I don't understand why anyone would want to know how much someone else earns apart from pure nosiness. I don't know how much my sister earns, I could hazard a guess, but I would never ask her. I don't know how much my Dad earns either or my best friend. I also would never ask anyone what they did for a living unless it came up naturally in conversation. I don't know what most of the Mums I talk to at my dds schools do, I know they work but apart from a few who I see in their work uniform I haven't a clue.

peachypips · 05/11/2012 21:20

Here it's a bit of social climbing- people like to know so they can be friends wit the 'right' people.

ninah · 05/11/2012 21:22

I know peachy, it's a bit like that round here
Luckily, they all think I am poor!

peachypips · 05/11/2012 21:25

Ha Ninah! If they think you're poor then you'll end up friends with the actual right people! People only have to hear me open my common-as-muck mouth to realise that my house doesn't make me the 'right' kind of friend!

Viviennemary · 05/11/2012 21:28

I don't think you should ask people how much they earn. But anybody can find out the price a house sold for on the internet so I don't think that's a big secret any more. But I can see why people might be annoyed to think the price they paid is there for everyone to see.

Sidge · 05/11/2012 21:28

My good friends and I talk about salaries, house prices etc. Only in an abstract way, or because friends are moving and had shown me the house details which obviously had the price on etc.

LulaPalooza · 05/11/2012 21:29

YANBU re salary. Asking someone is as rude as telling them without them asking! Grin

firsttimekat · 05/11/2012 21:32

I struggled with this when friends I know earn much less than me asked outright, I'd just got a promotion and wanted to be excited about it - plus since I work for the govt they could prob look it up anyway! But I was cagey about it and didn't give a straight answer.

But for the record:
£55K, £250k

milkysmum · 05/11/2012 21:35

I would certainly talk openly with freinds about these things: me £32, dh £14, house we are in the process of buying £105

mummyonvalium · 05/11/2012 21:40

I find it weird if people are cagey about how much they earn if they talk in roundabout terms, for example "this house was a lot of money" or "the money I earn is shit".

I don't talk about money at all because I worry people would want to be friends with me for just one reason and I figure if they don't know they won't guess.

Chewbecca · 05/11/2012 22:02

In my family nothing is sacred and my mum knows how much I earn, how much the house cost, when i get a bonus, everything and anything financial. I know roughly how much their pension is, bank balance (approx). It's not something that's discussed regularly, it's just open knowledge. I really don't care either way.
DH has never shared his salary with anyone (except me), certainly not his mother. He thinks my family are dreadfully nosy. We probably are but it doesn't feel that way, they're just facts that we're all very relaxed about.

But I do appreciate we are the odd ones.

Morloth · 05/11/2012 22:05

House price OK, salary not so.

Here in Sydney talking about house prices is a bit of a shared passtime.

ivykaty44 · 05/11/2012 22:11

I think if there was more openness about salaries we wouldn't have so much inequality in pay

I thought that was the reason salaries were kept hush hush as men don't want woman to know how much more they are being paid for the same job

Mintyy · 05/11/2012 22:25

How much someone's house cost is not a great indicator of anything, really. It depends v much on when they bought it and whether or not they got a £100,000 contribution towards it, really.

We bought our house in 2004 and could not afford to buy it now, even though our household income has increased steadily, because we just happen to live in an area where house prices have gone silly.

Dh discusses his income with his peers ... they are mainly freelance and need to keep tabs on what others are earning so they know they are not over/under charging.

AnnoyingOrange · 05/11/2012 22:27

House prices are common knowledge these days. And constantly in the news as an indicator of recession/inflation

nkf · 05/11/2012 22:28

I think some people are more open than others. So I don't think your friend is necessarily being rude but you might have found her rude. You can look house prices up on the Internet so that's no big secret any more.

MorrisZapp · 05/11/2012 22:39

Personally I don't think it's rude. I don't understand squeamishness about money but each to their own.

35k, 138k

whois · 05/11/2012 22:53

Depends on level of friendship.

Anyway houses are common knowledge so I'd think you were strange for not being happy to talk about that!

And I think it more people talked about wages, benefits and hours it would help people make better informed decisions about jobs and might help to reduce inequality.

I don't see why it's such a big deal anyway, you shouldn't be embarrassed by how much you earn.

[£50k now and £240k in summer 2008 ho hi fucking housing crash ho]

whois · 05/11/2012 22:57

As an additional point, one of our friends always comes out with us whenever anything is organised like a meal, party or drinks. Goes out more than I do.

Anyway she is always a bit skint and never really puts in her 1/3 of the taxi or whatever.

When I found out she was earning 1/2 what I was I was much more accommodating to that!