to tell DM where to shove her scarf

[Flojo1979]

Fell out with DM yesterday. She's been in a bad mood all week, she also looked after my DS all wk whilst half term.
I text DM yesterday asking if he had done his homework and since he hadn't it turned in to DM playing the martyr (which I told her). I said no worries re homework was just checking. She replied I'm sorry I wasn't good enough, I tried my best, u should have given clearer instructions. Well I'd finally had enough and told her to stop making everything about her and stop being a martyr.
I haven't apologise and I don't think I should. But I went to a charity event where they were selling scarfs. DM likes scarves so I bought her one and gave it her as a peace offering I guess, DF took it off me at door as DC in car.
DM just text 'thanks for scarf but its not really me'.

I text back no worries put it in a charity bag then.

After you lovely mnetters made me see sense!

I don't think you were in the wrong tbh. Seems like your DM blew everything out of proportion. She sounds like hard work.

So when I asked DS had he done his homework he replied yes, when I looked in his bag from GPs, nothing there.

They had him for 4 mornings.
So you would have been checking homework ... daily , not just at end of week ?

Still don't quite understand.
When did she act like a martyr ?

Just out of interest - why didn't you sort the homework? He was only there for the mornings. Woudl he have done it at holiday club? It's a bit off to make grandparents nag if it's something the children aren't too keen on.

Brycie where was she asking them to nag? She was checking whether her mum had seen him do the work that the OP asked him to do, work he knew he needed to do. He said yes, the OP couldnt find it so asked her mum if she knew anything about it. I would do that same!

Bogeyface Yes indeed.

But what actually happened next ?
It's not clear.

Just to clear up, GPs didn't have to nag, he loves doing it. Bag went for the wk. Play dates in the afternoons and his dad (who def won't help with his homework).
It wasn't about thee homework. But out of interest, I find it bizarre that people think GPs can't help with homework.

cumfy she acted like a martyr, in my opinion, when she text the whole 'i'm sorry I'm not good enough for u but I tried my best'. It was sincere, it was passive aggressive nonsense, and wound me up. That and the nonsense about the next door neighbour wound me up. Also the black mood all wk, finally made me decide to say something, but I fear she has just dismissed me as a teenager.

Well tbh your relationship is pretty childish.

Addressing something - such as acting the martyr - dies not consist of snapping 'oh fgs...'

Addressing it would involve saying 'mum, I have said it is not a problem. I was not intentionally criticising you. Why are you going on about it and making it a big deal. Is there something else bothering you?

Just book the children into a holiday camp next Time because you are repeating the pattern - agreeing against your better judgement to let her have your dc and then moaning endlessly about how awful it all turned out to be. You don't seem to be able to discuss anything in an adult and open way, either of you.

Well tbh your relationship is pretty childish.

Addressing something - such as acting the martyr - dies not consist of snapping 'oh fgs...'

Addressing it would involve saying 'mum, I have said it is not a problem. I was not intentionally criticising you. Why are you going on about it and making it a big deal. Is there something else bothering you?

Just book the children into a holiday camp next Time because you are repeating the pattern - agreeing against your better judgement to let her have your dc and then moaning endlessly about how awful it all turned out to be. You don't seem to be able to discuss anything in an adult and open way, either of you.

I have no idea how I did that.

Only read OP ( as averse to drip feeding).
Be grateful of help, take own responsibility for HW!

Bizarre?

I think it's pretty bizarre that your child does homework with the grandparents when for the afternoon, evening and weekends he's not with them.

You both appear intent on acting like slightly immature 12 year old girls.

Snapping and sniping at each other will get you nowhere.....may I suggest the more adult approach known as 'having a sensible,mature and calm discussion'

There's definitely something rather abrasive there, I turned into a snippy teenager myself just now for no reason at all. Well at least as long as you've seen you need to be the bigger party in all of this and take a deep breath and not react so much.