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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For considering leaving my 4 month old and nearly 3 year old with family for the weekend?

126 replies

loveroflife · 03/11/2012 16:19

My friend is getting married in Spain and DH and I have been invited - she has a no children rule, which is fair enough.

By that time I will have a four month old and a nearly three year old - AIBU in leaving them with family while DH and I go to the wedding?

It will be Fri-Monday and my mother and sister will move into our home.

I have never left DS so first time away from both.

My main concern is breastfeeding - I struggled with DS and gave into the bottle after 8 weeks after combination feeding, my concern is that if I ebf the new baby he/she will not take a bottle for that weekend.

I don't want to make it a traumatic experience for mum, so I would have to introduce a bottle at nights at say 3 months, so he/she would be happy to take it when I am away - I am worried that when I return he/she won't want the breast again and I will have to bottle feed (I am determined to stick with breast this time.)

I'm already finding lots of excuses not to go, but DH says we should attend as we don't go anywhere and I will regret not seeing my friend marry.

Has anyone else left their children at similar ages?

Thanks

OP posts:
belindarose · 03/11/2012 16:27

Have you had the baby yet? My DC2 is 4 months and I couldn't leave him. Not only wouldn't want to (I'm a softy and my heart would break) but he wouldn't be happy with anyone else. He refuses any expressed milk too.

belindarose · 03/11/2012 16:29

Can you take your mum and sister to Spain and leave the children in a hotel with them (if you're really keen to go)?

charlottehere · 03/11/2012 16:30

YANBU. However, is it really worth it when you want to breastfeed? And when it comes to it, will you be bale to leave your baby.

Original poster
loveroflife · 03/11/2012 16:31

No, I haven't given birth yet...

DH is so keen to go as he feels we miss out on a lot compared to friends but we both have no idea what a second child will bring and how we will cope.

I am happy for him to go alone but he wants us to go as a couple.

OP posts:
charlottehere · 03/11/2012 16:32

Are you keen to go? Thats life when you have dcs.

Original poster
loveroflife · 03/11/2012 16:32

"Can you take your mum and sister to Spain and leave the children in a hotel with them (if you're really keen to go)?"

If we could afford it I would, but sadly that's not an option...

OP posts:
Original poster
loveroflife · 03/11/2012 16:34

I am keen to go, but I'm worried about new dc not wanting to come back on breast when I return.....what would happen in this case, does anyone have any knowledge/experiences please?

OP posts:
NotYouNaanBread · 03/11/2012 16:39

No experience, but I definitely wouldn't have left my ebf baby at that stage. Apart from the fact that you'll have to pump regularly for the while weekend... The only way I would go is with the baby - leave 3yo with your Mum & bring yr sister to mind the baby between feeds.

rainbowinthesky · 03/11/2012 16:39

I wouldn't leave a 4 month old. You may risk bf but my breasts would never have coped.

forevergreek · 03/11/2012 16:40

I would ask what whether baby is allowed to attend ( many don't mind babies, especially with feeding)

So leave eldest at home with your sister and take baby with you. Baby will just feed and sleep most of the time

rainbowinthesky · 03/11/2012 16:41

Also bit ambitious for baby to be okay for whole weekend. I worked full time when dd was 5 months and she fed as soon as I got in and through night.

TwitchyTail · 03/11/2012 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lynniep · 03/11/2012 16:42

YANBU however I would never have left my baby at that age either. I couldnt bring myself to (my dad was dying when DS2 was 5 months and I left DS1 at home with DH and took DS2 to the hospital where we pretty much lived for the week) I dont think he could have coped without me either, even if I hadn't been breastfeeding.

Tailtwister · 03/11/2012 16:43

From personal experience, I wouldn't have been able to leave my ebf 4 month old. I do know a few people who have though (for 1 or 2 nights), but they introduced bottles of expressed milk early on to ensure the baby would take them.

I do think you might find it quite tricky for 4 days.

charlottehere · 03/11/2012 16:44

I am no expert but I think you would have to pump alot over the weekend and there is a chance baby won't want to go a boob again.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 03/11/2012 16:50

YANBU for considering it, not at all.

It all depends how much you want to go really. If you aren't that bothered then why not just leave it, see how the baby is & book a weekend away with your DH as soon as you feel the baby is OK to be left. It sounds like it's more your DH trying to live the 'pre kids' life than the fact that you really want to go. But if you want to go...

I would ask your friend if it's OK to bring the baby, make it clear one of you will stand near the back and if the baby so much as looks like it will cry you will go out quietly. Most 'no children' brides are fine with small babies as they're not running around causing mayhem!

If it's a 'Sorry, but no' then can't you take just your Mum or your sister and the baby and leave either your Mum or your sister to look after the older one? Or ask the bride if she knows anyone who could sit for the baby during the wedding?

dippywhentired · 03/11/2012 16:51

I don't think YABU but you may not feel able to leave your baby for that long, never mind the breast feeding complications. Are you sure the no child policy includes tiny babies? If so, your friend who's getting married is BU if she expects you to attend, especially with the wedding being in another country.

justjoiningtosaythis · 03/11/2012 16:54

mine are 3yrs and 4months. the baby is ebf and i havent left the him yet. i think a weekend is def too long if you are going to be ebf. even if he takes a bottle (mine wont) you will have to keep expressing to keep up your supply. also i think itll be a struggle to go for that long whilst the baby is still so young when it comes round to it b/c they are still so young at 4mnths.

it'll be alot of effort so unless its a really close friend (in which case i wld expect them to make an exception for the baby!) i wld prob leave it.

RarelyUnreasonable · 03/11/2012 16:55

I'm going to a wedding when dc2 will be 4mo. It's child-free, but babies who are dependent on you are welcome. We would of course take him/her out if they were noisy during the ceremony. Dc1 (will be 2) will spend the weekend with mil. Could you suggest sth similar to the bride and groom? I think they would be U to refuse.

Original poster
loveroflife · 03/11/2012 16:57

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions.

I will ask her but she in her words 'hates kids' (she is lovely though) so I don't know how keen she will be for new dc to make an appearance.

My concern is that everyone will be cooing over dc and I know it is her day and that it might take attention away from her.

(I've probably made her out to be awful, but she is a good friend who just isn't child friendly in the slightest...)

OP posts:
steben · 03/11/2012 16:57

Go they will be fine and whilst you would miss them you will also have a lovely time. The issues around feeding you can work on when the baby is here - and if it turns out that the baby will not under any circumstances take a bottle then you can always rethink the trip. I left dd when she was 7 months for 4 days to attend a wedding and whilst I missed her like crazy she was fine and I had a fabulous time.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 03/11/2012 16:58

Oh for goodness sake. Accept you won't be totally ebf, get the baby used to bottle before you go, express whilst you're away. Just get on with it and have a good weekend.

Bogeyface · 03/11/2012 17:00

I your DH is being a bit of a dick tbh. Missing out on stuff is what happens when you have children, you cant do everything!

If you explain that if you book flights etc now then you could lose the money if the baby turns out to be unleavable, that might sway him into going alone!

Mrsjay · 03/11/2012 17:12

what about mothers who work and breastfeed I know a weekend is different but they manage to feed babies after work , oP if you want to go and your family are keen to look after the children then go, you could maybe come back sunday instead of monday, and maybe start with combined feeding with your baby when they arrive,

WilsonFrickett · 03/11/2012 17:26

I think you are really putting a lot of pressure on yourself about ebf-ing a baby who isn't even here yet. You know from experience it doesn't always work out that way and I think you need to cut yourself some slack.

As to the wedding, speak to the bride about bringing the baby to the wedding, if she says no then take the baby to Spain anyway and arrange a babysitter in the hotel, then you can nip up and down to feed. Remember they fly free so it won't cost you anything more. I do think 4 mths is a little bit wee to be left for a long weekend, no matter how they're fed.

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