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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give him 6 months to show some commitment?

61 replies

Nights · 02/11/2012 17:23

Basically, I'm mid 30s, never been married. I have a career, friends, money and social life so I don't NEED a man - I simply want to be in a strong, committed relationship - it's just something in life I want. I want marriage.

Anyway, been with a guy 4 months. He's great, we have loads in common and do loads of fun stuff together. He's told me he loves me and has mentioned about me meeting his family but has so far not pulled this off - fair enough, we've only been together 4 months.

But I do want some sign of commitment soon - I'm scared of wasting anymore time on someone that will never commit. By January, we will have been together 6 months. AIBU to give him until then to show some commitment or re-evaluate the relationship or am I being way too harsh?

OP posts:
Dozer · 02/11/2012 17:25

4 months is not long IMO.

lucyellenmum · 02/11/2012 17:26

errr - you have been together 4 months,thats like, 12 weeks, thats really not very long - how can you decide that he is the one for you after such a short time. The thing is, you don't sound like you are in love with him - you sound like you just want a husband, like a list of things you are ticking off. I think the fact that you feel like this tells me that he is not the "One" Sorry

katiecubs · 02/11/2012 17:27

Yep it's not very long but i guess when in your mid 30's it seems longer.

What sort of commitment are you looking for? If it's just meeting the parents then i guess that's reasonable. Have you discussed the future at all? i.e moving in together or anything like that.

PurplePidjin · 02/11/2012 17:27

What have you done to show him you're committed?

Megatron · 02/11/2012 17:29

Way too harsh. You've only been together 4 months and presumably don't live together so it's not a very long time to get to know someone and if you want to commit to them. Do you actually want to marry him or just someone?

NervousAt20 · 02/11/2012 17:29

Sorry but I think YABU. 4months is not long, just enjoy your relationship for now and let things progress naturally

MooncupGoddess · 02/11/2012 17:30

Gosh, you sound a bit scary. It really does take a while to get to know someone, in my experience. Presumably you have met his friends?

Original poster
Nights · 02/11/2012 17:31

I want to marry him. I love him and we have discussed moving in together at some point but I know what people are like for being all talk.

Basically, I love him and want to be with HIM - but if he's never going to commit, I'd rather let him go before investing too much time and emotion.

OP posts:
Dozer · 02/11/2012 17:34

How long have you known him?

Is your concern your fertility?

Megatron · 02/11/2012 17:34

You need to give him a chance! He may well want to marry you but not feel comfortable talking about it just yet. If you come on so strong you might scare a perfectly good fella away.

missymoomoomee · 02/11/2012 17:34

YABVU and clingy, 4 months is no time at all. What exactly is it you want him to do? Propose? Get you pregnant? Get a mortgage with you?

expatinscotland · 02/11/2012 17:36

YABU. You sound a bit desperate. Do you want children? Because you can have children on your own and then maybe you won't be in such a hurry to marry, perhaps.

Pancakeflipper · 02/11/2012 17:36

Can you not enjoy this relationship? You say you don't need a man then want commitment by 6 months. Don't kill this relationship by only focusing on the future.

WofflingOn · 02/11/2012 17:37

You sound terrifying, I'd let him know how you feel Right Now and give him an ultimatum of a ring by January or it's all over.
Then he can decide whether to stay or run like hell.

PeshwariNaan · 02/11/2012 17:37

YABU - you're being a bit harsh. He's told you he loves you and wants you to meet his family - what more do you want? A proposal before 6 months? Chill out a bit and if it's right, it will happen.

katiecubs · 02/11/2012 17:38

Why not propose to him and see what he says?

WofflingOn · 02/11/2012 17:38

How many long-term relationships have you had, and what happened to them?

motherinferior · 02/11/2012 17:41

Well, actually, I think that if you want a long-term committed relationship with kids in it, mid-30s is often a time of thinking 'OK, let's get on with it'.

I say this as someone who got up the duff within six months of meeting the present Mr Inferior.

motherinferior · 02/11/2012 17:42

It is bloody hard to decide you're going to have kids on your own. My sister did it; I felt it wasn't for me. I wanted a partner to have kids with. So shoot me I'd had enough of being messed around.

Nancy66 · 02/11/2012 17:43

I agree that once the clock is ticking you can't waste time on people who aren't looking for the same thing as you.

However, four months is way too soon to be thinking this way.

expatinscotland · 02/11/2012 17:44

No, I realise it's hard to chose to go it alone. I considered it myself. But if it's a matter of having children alone or never having them, I was willing to go for it.

Again, the OP has not stated she wants children, but she does want marriage.

Why not propose to him, OP? Or ask him to move in?

Viviennemary · 02/11/2012 17:44

I was ready to say yes. But you have only known him four months which isn't very long at all. Give him a year I'd say.

Viviennemary · 02/11/2012 17:45

Don't tell him that. (I meant to add) Because that sounds very desperate.

Onemoreforgoodmeasure · 02/11/2012 17:46

4 months? A blink in the eye of time! Certainly not (necessarily) long enough. For me it would be a two year minimum before I made any real commitment, aside from exclusivity of course!

motherinferior · 02/11/2012 17:46

I think four months is long enough to know if your partner is looking for the same shape of relationship - ie if they just want to 'see how things go and have fun for now' and you (OK me) are being driven to paroxysms of jealousy irritation by all the smug marrieds you know who are having Carefully Considered Babies, it might be time to move on...