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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's wrong with reward charts?

87 replies

crackcrackcrak · 01/11/2012 20:46

There is a discussion page on Facebook (which it's high time I left I know) which is v pro attachment parenting etc. I don't always agree with everything but tonight they are bashing reward charts/stickers.
Tbf dd1 is only 3 so I haven't used them yet but I planned to and thought they were common thing to use for potty training or whatever.
Am I missing something? Are they a perceived evil after all?

OP posts:
jobnockey · 02/11/2012 10:34

Is it possible that we could be over analysing? I used a sticker chart with DS when he was toilet training. It helped. Now he uses the toilet and certainly doesn?t expect a reward anymore. It was a good motivator for this particular behaviour.

germyrabbit · 02/11/2012 10:41

well it worked for my son when he was mis behaving at school and nothing else did! the 'reward' was a smiliey face so i doubt he will be mentally scared for life for those few weeks we used it Grin

Sawdust · 02/11/2012 10:43

Rawshark - why thank you Blush

Neolara - that makes a lot of sense, and woud support children in becoming self-reflective and independent. Thanks!

Hexenbiest · 02/11/2012 11:35

I've not found them very useful - well stickers anyway.

With DS its well I never wanted it anyway - plus lots of melt downs even when he got them.

I find the schools ones a bit of a waste to - my DC behave well anyway and when they haven't - well when DS wasn't there was a cause - another DC bullying him it didn't stop the behavior or sort out the root cause. One staff member suggested using rewards charts at home where his behavior was fine - rather than them dealing with the cause of the problem in school.

I'm not sure with other DC - its the same one agian and again who lose the stickers and golden time yet it must do something or the school wouldn't do it I suppose.

Did find a food bribe got DS to do extra reading for a while - was a mare getting him off expecting a reward very time he did it but we did get there.

londonone · 02/11/2012 12:14

Neoclara the problem with your example and the theory in general is that the individual is at work in the first place because the get paid. Few people would do their job solely for the intrinsic rewards. If you stopped being paid would you continue to go to work? I wouldn't. Life is full of things we do that are not enjoyable or rewarding but we do them fr extrinsic rewards. There are parts of my job that I find dull and demoralising, how would you propose incentivising me to do them without any sort of reward.?

Your tidying example is a classic. You think it is nice to live in a tidy house. Perhaps your child doesn't care about tidiness!

neolara · 02/11/2012 12:58

Londonone - I take your point about not wanting to work unless you got paid. I certainly wouldn't! I think paying people to do a job is an excellent way to incentivise them. But I think being paid to do work is different from giving rewards to kids for doing "normal kids stuff", like tidying up, doing homework, practising sport or music, keeping your mouth shut while eating etc. The principle still stands that if you have been "paid" to do something, and then the payment is removed, then most people are even less likely to do that thing than before. I think most people who use reward charts aren't aware of this typical response. They think that a reward chart will motivate their child - and it can do in the short term. The problem is what happens after the reward chart is stopped.

So slightly change my example above. Take a group of 10 year olds who are having a lovely time playing outside your window and being very loud. You want a bit of peace and quiet. You call them over and tell them you love hearing them so much that you are going to give them £2 for every 30 minutes they shout and laugh and play outside your window. They enthusiastically agree and for the next week you pay each child £2 a day for making a lot of noise. After a week, you tell them that unfortunately you don't have enough money to pay them all today and you can only give them £1 each. They grumble, but carry on whooping and shouting. When they come back the next day, you tell them that unfortunately you haven't got any money and you can't pay them any more. What do they do and feel? I imagine most 10 year olds will say sod it, I'm not making noise for free. If she wants it, she can pay for it. And then bugger off and play somewhere else out of earshot. The external reward has reduced their internal motivation to do what they were previously doing just for the sheer joy of it.

And yes, I agree. I think it's nice to live in a tidy house. My kids couldn't care less. I could pay them to tidy up, or give them stickers. This would work brilliantly while I continued to give them the rewards. But I know what would happen if and when I stopped handing over the cash,and frankly, I don't want to be buying compliance when they are teenagers. Also, I don't think their husbands or wives would thank me. Somehow, I have to find a way for them to take on the value (it's nice to live in a tidy house) as their own. This might involve lots of discussion about how it's easier to find things when everything is in the right place, praise for being organized etc. It's not a quick fix, but in the long term it's more effective than reward charts.

londonone · 02/11/2012 13:06

Yes but why are you assuming they will want to take on your value I.e tidyness. They may never buy into your idea, its not a given that tidyness is better than any other way. Totally confused by your other example. Why am I offering the kids money of they are already making the noise?

londonone · 02/11/2012 13:07

It's this ridiculous idea that everything has an inner reward, it doesn't.

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii · 02/11/2012 13:24

That's the thing I don't understand - how do you motivate children to do something that they absolutely explicitly do not want to, but have to?

No one seems to answer this, I'd love to know! (happy to give it a go)

How you praise children for something they're already doing/interested in is interesting but not very helpful when you are trying to deal with more challenging behaviour.

londonone · 02/11/2012 13:28

The Alfie kohn types are always rather quiet on that topic TeWi!

neolara · 02/11/2012 13:40

Londonone - Well I guess you're right. They may not want to take on my values. Not everyone is going to agree about what is important. I guess I might have a better chance of persuading them if I get them to think about "what's in it for them". But even so they may not agree. In which case, external rewards might be the way to go. But when I stopped giving the rewards, I would know that the behaviour I was rewarding would almost certainly stop.

With the example, I was trying (obviously unsuccessfully!) to show how rewards can demotivate people to do things that they previously did for pure enjoyment.

beej1990 · 03/06/2013 13:14

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