Who is BU regarding DP's cousin trying it on with me?

[SneakyNuts]

DP's cousin recently revealed his feelings for me.

His cousin only ever really see's me/us at parties or in a pub/club so now DP sneers and makes snide remarks when I get dressed up for said occasions, meeting girlfriends etc just in case cousin sees me and tries it on.

DP thinks it is my fault somehow for "letting it happen" but I have told him I put him (his cousin) firmly in his place.
He thinks I should tone it down and perhaps cousin wouldn't feel this way about me if I didn't wear nice clothes/heels/much make- up or style my hair.

I feel I should be able to dress up and go out without being made to feel bad about potential sleazes.

So who is BU?

Cousin was definitely U, so is your DP!

I wonder if your DP is trying to project the blame onto you as he doesn't want to confront the idea that a family member has acted out of line?

But in any event, it sounds very controlling of your DP and he is BVU.

Drag your 'd'p out of the 1950s - and out the door.

I think you've had an insight into some of your DPs views which you weren't previously aware of.. and you shouldn't ignore it! major red flag!

I forgot to add in my OP..

I asked if he'd said anything to his parents about it as I'd rather know for the next time we saw them, he said (and I quote)

"No, and you shouldn't either" when I asked why not, he replied "because they'll think badly of you, it doesn't look very good on you, does it?"

woopdiedoo I do wonder that too.

just ! Especially your last post! Does it get any worse!?

Mother of fucking God, some people...

I will say this only once. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. Having been in this position before, albeit with a much more understanding DP, I know how awful it is to have someone declare feelings that aren't reciprocated! But he's a twat, not you!

So to recap, your DP finds himself in the situation where his cousin attemped to sexually assault his partner. His reaction is not to a) apologise for his family, or b) to get angry at his cousin or c) encourage you to make a formal complaint or d) to tell the family what a sleezy his mum/dad's sibling's child is, but instead his reaction is: It's my partner's fault and the person I should be angry at is the victim.

Yep, I'd dump a DP for that.

If your DP is blaming you then he doesn't love you. Life's too short to spend with a man who doesn't love you. Do you have DCs together?

Oh my god! He said WHAT?

He's blaming you for his cousin's slavering over you?

This kind of thinking reminds me of my time in the middle east....

And we all know how crap a situation that is for women!

Ditch.the idiot, AND his cousin.

Op RUN!

Oh god, does it really sound that bad?!

If it runs in the family it might be worth looking at how the other women dress and act... Do they cover up, ever wear make up, make an effort with their appearance at all, defer to the men of the family? Just have a look. Then run faster than you have ever run before.
And to answer the question, yes love, it really does sound that bad!

Sneaky read all you have written as if you were an outsider and then think about the advice you would give. It does sound really bad, and controlling. Whats he like in day to day life? Any other behaviour or remarks that have worried you?

Yes, it does. Sorry.

"Oh god, does it really sound that bad?!"

Assuming that you are responding to DontmindifIdo's excellent précis of the situation - yes, it really does sound that bad.

Yes it sounds that bad. And a bit worse.

Why on earth would it look bad on you?

In case you have been coming onto him and missed it out of your OP , but its seems he is pestering.

I would leave him.

Yes, it does.

Yes

my first response was flippant and inappropriate - I'm sorry.

OP, your partner sounds truly awful and I'd run for the hills. I'm so sorry you have to put up with crap like this. You are 100% innocent in this and your partner is being a controlling arse.

Your 'd'p is a prick sexist pig.

Get. Rid. Do you have children together?

I haven't come on to him, I turned him down quite publicly which is perhaps why he tried to get me out of sight.

Yes we have a young child and I'm pretty sure we have another on the way too

Thanks Poppadom, don't worry, I didn't think you were being inappropriate!

I agree with the others - you are no way at fault & your DP really doesn't deserve you.

Of course it is your fault his cousin tries it on with you, same way as slutty dressers are asking to be raped.