Overbearing parents

[ILoveChristmas01]

Hi,

I need some advice (and I don't mind you being honest if you think I'm in the wrong!).

I am a mum of a 2 1/2 year old little boy, and I work full time and have a very responsible / stressful job (Accountant) and so does my husband. LO goes to a nursery 5 days per week.

We live about and hours drive away from my parents and my MIL. Every weekend we are expected to drive an hour to my parents, then drive 30mins to MIL then drive another hour back home. When you take this travelling and time we actually spend at other peoples houses we are out all day and end up having to take packed lunches to eat in the car etc as we are rushing around all day.

Now, my MIL is quite laid back and understands that we may not visit every week, however my mum is terrible, and expects us every saturday. It got to the point that I was making myself ill always rushing around and I was getting so angry that I had this demand every Saturday.

Working full time with a toddler is hard, at weekends I have shopping to do, housework, washing etc. and visitng one day out of every weekend means that we don't really get much quality time as a family just the 3 of us.

It came to a head a few weeks ago and we ended up having a bit of a row. I got uspet and told my parents it was just too much for me to visit each week, and it just got shrugged it off and said "well your dad and I work full time too!"

Occasionally they come to us instead but as my MIL can't drive we end up going there anyway (hubby is funny about favouring one set of parents so if we see one set we try and see the other....)

Since the argument thngs have been strained between me and my mum and I only hear from her on a sat morning via text where she asks if we are visiting.

She hates it if we do anything with LO, and goes funny with us about that too. We took him to Disneyworld Florida this year (we asked if my parents if they wanted to come and they said no as they like their beach holidays) but since we've been back my mum has not even aknowedged we've been, has not seen any photo's etc. It's mad.

She is totally obssessed with my son and has said many times that weekends are her time to spend with him. I think she feels I should give up my job so I have more time to spend with her on a weekend.

I do feel guilty and hate leaving LO in a nursery 5 days per week, but we live in a great area with fab schools and have a lovely home, and my job pays for this, and I know as he grows up he will have the benefit. My mum does not see this though and it's like she begrudges us.

Do you think I'm fair to ask for some weekends to ourselves?

So sorry for the huge thread but I'm interested to see what others views are?

xx

OP - no-one thinks you're a wimp or immature. We all know how it is to be a daughter and find it hard to assert yourself when you know you should though. It's difficult to step out of the dynamic of doing as you are told.

You have to though, otherwise you're going to be doing this for decades.

Haven't read the responses but i think you should See each set of parents no more than once a month, with the possible expection of Christmas and birthdays. You have to put your family first now, spend that quality time together, making your own memories. Be firm about it!

I am not surprised you are absolutely exhausted and making yourself ill. This is terrible - your mother is very selfish, and I think in a very kind but firm way, you need to set some boundaries.

My mother used to be very unreasonable too (we lived 3 1/2 hour's away) and she always used emotional blackmail to get her own way. I used to feel dreadfully guilty and responsible for her as she was totally on her own and relied on me.

I appreciate how difficult it is because you don't want to hurt her feelings, but surely part of her job as a mother to you, is to make sure that you are happy and well, and not making yourself exhausted and ill.

I can see it ending in a massive row if i cut the time down visiting. Takes two to row. If you don't respond then all she can do is go off in a huff. Which isn't a problem, really, is it? When she realises it bothers her more than it bothers you, she'll pretend it never happened.

Set your boundaries. She's likely to behave like a thwarted 2yo, which is fine cos you're a mum and you know how to deal with one of those!