To be pissed off that DP has ordered a £1000 bike

[Iodine]

It's through the bike to work scheme so DP sees it as "only £x a month". Trouble is this is on top of "only" £50 a month gym membership, £60 a month boat maintenance etc etc. He earns just slightly above the average wage but I am unemployed at the moment (trying really hard to not be) so he has to pay for all rent, bills food etc.

The worst thing is DP doesn't even cycle. He the least likely person to cycle, especially as winter is here now. He has no intention of cycling to work even though its only 3 miles away, as he doesn't want to arrive to work sweaty. There is a shower but it, of course, doesn't live up to his standards.

We also don't have any space for his bike. He wants it to go in the spare room on the cream carpet. The only space is in front of the wardrobe in there which happens to contain all my clothes as he threw a hissy fit at the thought of sharing the huge in built on in our bedroom.

The only thing I have bought in the 2 months since becoming unemployed is fuel to get to job interviews. Nothing else. I don't see any of his money, whatever he has left at the end of the month is his to spend. Last month he spent £300 on a leather jacket that he didn't particularly need.

AIBU to be angry at him buying the sodding bike?

Define "not good". I can't imagine what I'd have to be going through to consider that helping out a close relation in your position would be a "burden".

You sound like someone who puts up with awful stuff and doesn't want to "make a fuss" about it. Think about the pattern with the workplace bully, your "d"p. Maybe other stuff too.

You really can choose to ask for help, and stop putting up with it. You CAN make a fuss if things are shit, it is allowed!

OP - you sound like you think you are trapped. It's hard if you are depressed to see what options you have, but you will have options. One is that you have no ties. Could you start applying for jobs everywhere - especially back where you used to live, while you might not have best friends, you do know some people and might find it easy to fit back in if you were there all the time. Most if they aren't close friends if you said "I'm moving back, can you ask around if anyone you know or work with has a spare room to rent" you'd be surprised how quickly you could find somewhere, even if it is just a stop gap.

Iodine take care of yourself. I'm worried about you. If you had options would you LTB? If you would, then as Dontmind says, apply for anything, anywhere. Get some counselling/support/whatever. Have a long-term plan to leave and start the baby steps towards that.

i dont really get my money your money thing i think if you live together and have a family all the money should be our money i earn probably double what my husband earns but we both work we need both wages so its our money and i would nt consider making a purchase over £30 without consulting him.

Iodine? What was your job that involved you staying away in a hotel for 3 months?
It sounds horrendous.

Fairheadedand Frustrated- Sorry, I don't really want to say as it may out me. It was an entry level job though on shit pay. If I was told what the job really was before I took it, no way in hell would I have put myself through that.

Thank you all for your concern. I'm just in a bad place at the moment and not exactly gaining any confidence from DP.

If you are not tied to your present area what about looking for live-in work around the country? Rural areas (eg Highlands) will often offer staff accommodation even for bar work etc. New start, new people?

Why do you put up with his behaviour?

Do you have MUG tattooed on your forehead?

No, I dont think so. Pack your bags and go.

Ok, but just be very clear that a large part of why you're in a bad place is because your "D"P is making your life bad. From the look of your posting history, you keep saying "Is this [example of behaviour] shit?" and MN says "Yes, it certainly is. What are you going to do about it?"

You don't have to do everything at once. You don't have to go straight from a standing start to LTB by tomorrow breakfast. You just need to pick up the phone and call someone in the first instance and tell them you need help.

Sending you a and a hug, OP.

You're getting some good advice on this thread.

"Things are not good in my family at the moment. I don't want to be a burden on them."
Can I offer this from personal experience? I took that line once. My then-relationship was breaking up. I kept that from my family for that self-same reason. Their troubles, I reasoned at the time, were worse than mine; and they needed their emotional resources to deal with them, not be distracted by mine. When we broke up a few months later I had no choice but to tell them. I got SUCH a ticking off for not going to them earlier. I can still remember my sister saying she'd have been GRATEFUL to have known (I kid you not) because helping someone else (me) would have made her feel better about herself at a time she didn't have much to feel good about. Please, please; reconsider the whole idea that you would be a burden. You might be a blessing.

Iodine, I think you've already decided you need to get out? So really, it's just about finding the method and the strength, isn't it?

You need to tell someone in your real life the things that are happening to you. You are thinking you are going to be a burden on people because this man is making you feel worthless.

The things that happened to work and the way that this man are treating you are not normal and they are not your fault.

He has you thinking that you are not worth anything.