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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that DP has ordered a £1000 bike

87 replies

Iodine · 31/10/2012 17:25

It's through the bike to work scheme so DP sees it as "only £x a month". Trouble is this is on top of "only" £50 a month gym membership, £60 a month boat maintenance etc etc. He earns just slightly above the average wage but I am unemployed at the moment (trying really hard to not be) so he has to pay for all rent, bills food etc.

The worst thing is DP doesn't even cycle. He the least likely person to cycle, especially as winter is here now. He has no intention of cycling to work even though its only 3 miles away, as he doesn't want to arrive to work sweaty. There is a shower but it, of course, doesn't live up to his standards.

We also don't have any space for his bike. He wants it to go in the spare room on the cream carpet. The only space is in front of the wardrobe in there which happens to contain all my clothes as he threw a hissy fit at the thought of sharing the huge in built on in our bedroom.

The only thing I have bought in the 2 months since becoming unemployed is fuel to get to job interviews. Nothing else. I don't see any of his money, whatever he has left at the end of the month is his to spend. Last month he spent £300 on a leather jacket that he didn't particularly need.

AIBU to be angry at him buying the sodding bike?

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 31/10/2012 18:59

I'd be very unhappy if my partner was so ridiculous with money. I think you need to sit down with him and work out a budget together - one that prioritises his debt over frivolous purchases and gives you a bit of equal spending money.

TheLightPassenger · 31/10/2012 19:10

If he was a regular cyclist, this would be v indulgent but understandable. But since he isn't much of a cyclist, but spent £1k to keep up with the Jones, that makes him sound an immature fuckwit tbh.

MORCAPS · 31/10/2012 20:32

Do you have kids with him?

I wouldn't be marrying and having kids with someone who is so bad with money.

It us his lookout what he buys etc and yours as to whether you choose to stay with him.

You won't change him, he will always be bad with money.

DH spent more than a grand on his bike, he uses it everyday and often has DS2 on the back, so I was more than fine with him buying the most suitable one with no regard to cost.

Woozley · 31/10/2012 20:36

I see it as his money to do with as he pleases, they aren't married, just renting together.

HeinousHecate · 31/10/2012 20:37

He won't let you have space in the wardrobe in the bedroom you share?

It's little, seemingly trivial things like that that tell you the most, you know.

And no, you aren't being unreasonable. He has his priorities screwed up. Hitch your wagon to that and he'll drag you down with him.

Woozley · 31/10/2012 20:41

DH and I lived together for five years before we got married. During the time we rented we had our own bank accounts and out money was separate, only when we got a mortgage together did we get a joint account.

I don't see any of his money I just found that statement weird. I would never have expected DH to give me any of his money when we were only renting and first living together, and would have been embarrassed if he did.

heyannie · 31/10/2012 20:50

You've posted several threads where he comes across as nothing but a bit of dick cheese. You don't have a job, this sucks, but the upside is that you also have no commitments or things tying you to this area. You don't pay anything at the moment so you don't have any obligation to stay and continue paying nothing. Get the fuck out and stop making yourself miserable, you have no reason or need to stay with this knobber.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2012 21:24

I would sort of agree Woozley except that they both moved for his job. She left her job to be with him, which he presumably agreed with. Then he spends money on luxuries while she is left without anything.

AlwaysBizzy · 31/10/2012 21:26

You are living with a man child...run away very fast
Failing that, post this on singletrackworld.com and ask fellow bikers on their views on yours manchild & his inability to ride 3 miles to work because he doesnt like the bloomin showers....then show him their responses.
If he really wont ride it, he should sell it
Good luck finding a job...this is your escape plan

iknowwho · 01/11/2012 00:01

Alwaysbusy He has bought the bike through the cycle scheme. It is not his to sell. It will belong to the employer until the agreed hire time is up and then he can buy it for a peppercorn fee.

whois · 01/11/2012 00:29

if you want a bike, the bike to work scheme is great. Max spend £1k including accessories but you don't pay VAT and payment spread out over 12 months and taken out of your pre-tax salary. So bike < half price if you're a higher rate tax payer and you take cost of capital into account.

I'm going to get myself a fancy pants bike on the scheme, because (1) I actually bike (2) I want to and (3) I can afford it.

Doesn't sound like your DP can afford it nor will he get much use out of it.

Ps I bike 4 miles to work on a heavy Boris bike atm and don't get sweaty as I go slow :-) to be fair there are no hills but in london you can perfect the no-sweat speed!

Bogeyface · 01/11/2012 01:02

Over 12 months? So thats.....£85 ish a month?

Thats not "just" anything! Especially on top of his other commitments and £25k of debt!

whois · 01/11/2012 01:05

Bogeyface, pre tax salary so you need to deduct 20% or 40% tax to get the cash impact.

Bogeyface · 01/11/2012 01:26

According to the OP, he is just slightly above average wage so even being generous, that is less than the higher tax bracket so....

£68 ish a month. Not chicken feed if one partner isnt working, they have other commitments and bills to pay!

FairPhyllis · 01/11/2012 06:07

25K debt? You left a job to move with him? He's a selfish spendthrift who won't share a wardrobe with you?

The only good thing about this scenario is that you are not married - I suspect you're not going to leave him, so all I can say is do not marry him.

SeveredCabbage · 01/11/2012 06:15

You must leave this relationship Iodine. You must.

Last week, we wouldn't buy you a drink after you drove him 350 miles.

There are loads and loads of men out there who are not twats. Yesterday, my dh came home from his job in the city on the train because there was a spider the size of a bird on the bedroom floor (I live in Australia). He spent an hour looking for the massive bastard and then went back to work and worked late.

Please, leave him. Sad

Snog · 01/11/2012 07:15

Why don't you think you deserve more than this in life, OP? This guy isn't a good friend to you, he doesn't value you or treat you with respect.

Would you advise your grown up daughter to be with a man like this?

SavoyCabbage · 01/11/2012 07:44

Obviously I meant HE wouldn't buy you a drink after you drove him 350 miles....we would have bought you a drink.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 01/11/2012 08:16

My DH is a bit like that. Not in the controlling sense but in the sense that everything is 'only X amount per month'. I too am at liberty to buy what I want but I'm more cautious and sensible and don't like to just spend willy nilly. DH would spend the last tenner in our bank account if it meant him having something that he wants.

tallwivglasses · 01/11/2012 08:28

Iodine, I was intrigued by the drink incident so had a quick look at your history. He sees you as 'an extension of his arm'.

Good God, woman. Get out while you can!

DontmindifIdo · 01/11/2012 08:29

Can you get your old job back if you relocate back again to where you were before? If so, call them today and try to move. If you aren't married to him and don't have DCs, then go ASAP. It might be the wake up he needs, if it's not then it'll be the best decision you ever make.

He's selfish, he doesn't see you as a partner, the fact that your stuff is in the guest room while his stuff is in your bedroom suggests he sees it as his you aren't building a life together, he's building a life and you are expected to fit in.

fuzzpig · 01/11/2012 08:33

Gigantic selfish immature knob.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 01/11/2012 08:36

OMG, Just read your thread about driving him and him refusing to buy you a drink.

Get rid, OP! He won't ever change!

RichTeas · 01/11/2012 10:35

If it was a Brompton (foldable) bike, he is not being unreasonable as that is how much they cost. I believe there is also some tax benefit to buying on such schemes.

KMR281 · 01/11/2012 10:51

Ha! My DH bought a £3K bike WITHOUT TELLING ME. I went mental. We had debts but apparently it was a great deal Pah. He does use it for competitions (his other 3 bikes are used day-to-day). I am sure your DH could cancel this. £1k is a huge amount. Why can't he just go to Halfords or a local bike recyling scheme like normal folk?? £1K for a bike is serious money, which isn't really worth it if you are just pootling to work probably.