Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think first years too young to date?

54 replies

happyhalloweeneveryone · 30/10/2012 20:39

my sons at high school and 2 of his friends from primary have a girlfriend at their new school. Im sure it is innocent but I personally think 12 is too young for that. i wouldnt allow it if my son comes home announcing a girlfriend, i think id break in to a panic! Aibu and is it a common thing?

OP posts:
GhostShip · 30/10/2012 20:41

Oh it's just a bit of fun, they're just exploring. Its the first year of high school! I had a boyfriend in the first year, then another a week later... :o none of it was serious.

OwedToAutumn · 30/10/2012 20:41

How would you propose to stop him having a girlfriend?

Sirzy · 30/10/2012 20:42

if they are getting into sex and whatever then its to young. If its just a bit of handholding and a peck on the cheek then YABU.

FWIW my mum was 13 when she started dating my dad. 40 years later they are still very happy together.

honeytea · 30/10/2012 20:42

How can you "not allow"your son to have a girlfriend at school?

I had a boyfriend in year 7, we went to the cinema or swimming together, I went over for tea at his nans, it was all very innocent, no kissing I don't think we even held hands, it was nice to spend time together.

Bigwheel · 30/10/2012 20:43

I thought you meant year 1, at 12 yabu.

Mathsdidi · 30/10/2012 20:45

Yes it's very common. Roughly half of our year 7s have a girlfriend/boyfriend at some point in the year. It is mostly fairly innocent, with a little bit of handholding and some drama about who dumped who and how. There are the odd one or two who seem to go a bit further than that but not many and I'm sure a lot of what they say is made up anyway.

GhostShip · 30/10/2012 20:47

If you 'wont allow it', he's just going to do it anyway but behind your back. Wouldn't you rather you were able to talk about these things with him, and be able to show interest in how he's doing and getting on?

sausagesandwich34 · 30/10/2012 20:47

yr 7?

all started in year 5 for my DCs

absolutely nothing in it other than being good friends with each other and the swapped and changed as often as the wind changed direction

I would keep lines of communication open rather than banning the behaviour

waitingimpatiently · 30/10/2012 21:08

I met my now husband at 13 (he was 14). You never know, the first girl he brings home could be the mother of your grandchildren!!!

Original poster
happyhalloweeneveryone · 31/10/2012 13:52

No i havnt banned him, he isnt showing any interest yet thankfully. Ive a cousin who didnt allow her daughter to date till 16 so im not as bad as that but i think 13, 14 is time enough not 12.

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 31/10/2012 13:55

Better for them to get over the novelty of having a girlfriend at 12 than at 14 when they are more likely to have sex 12 year olds might kiss on the lips for a second if they're feeling brave...

And YABU and irrational thinking you can ban something that goes on at school.

ClippedPhoenix · 31/10/2012 13:56

DS had girlfriends at this age up until he was 14 (sort of a novelty I think). He now doesn't have the time and can't be bothered, feels he isn't mature enough to get into a "proper" relationship and there's plenty of time for that Grin

Don't worry about it OP, they usually last about a week a piece anyway.

halloweeneyqueeney · 31/10/2012 13:57

YABU, "dating" started in the last year of primary when I was young but it was totally innocent, we were boyfriend/girlfriend in name only.. or maybe a bit of hand holding or pecking.

The ones who were banned from dating went the furthest soonest!

amck5700 · 31/10/2012 14:01

I think it is a fairly common thing in first year and then they all seem to calm down again for a few years. My son is in first year too and is not showing any interest at all which is fine - some of his friends at another school are already fighting over particular girls!!

It seems to be a bit of pressure in some schools for them to all go about in pairs - a status thing for the girls I think more than the boys but they get caught up in it too.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/10/2012 14:02

Wow, sirzy, that is amazing and very sweet.

halloweeneyqueeney · 31/10/2012 14:04

i think its really healthy actually, because at that age its all about emotional dating, if they do no dating till 14 then there is more of a sexual element and they might not have "practiced" the emotional side IYKWIM

CailinDana · 31/10/2012 14:07

You can't dictate how they relate to one another. All you can do is have a good talk about sex and relationships and hope that they'll make good decisions and come to you if they have any problems.

12 is a pretty typical age for teens to start getting interested in this sort of thing IME.

Annunziata · 31/10/2012 14:07

It's so innocent then, they're really just friends. I know what you mean though, I think the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' label is a bit iffy.

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo · 31/10/2012 14:07

My dd is 16 and not interested in having a boyfriend.
She mixes with boys at the weekend through drama ....and is very attractive Grin

ds at 13 spent the summer either on the golf course or at the park with girls from his old primary school. I think he is likely to have a gf before dd.

squeakytoy · 31/10/2012 14:08

Kids will date when they are ready to.. not when their parents say they are "allowed to".

ClippedPhoenix · 31/10/2012 14:19

Totally agree halloweeney, DS I think got to the kissing stage but now at nearly 15 knows something else may be expected and he is fully aware that he isn't ready for anything due to having the "emotional" attachments early
and me drumming it into him that sex and feelings should go hand in hand

HeadlessForHalloween · 31/10/2012 14:21

Haha! Dd1 had a boyfriend when she was in year 4 Grin

zukiecat · 31/10/2012 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BegoniaBampot · 31/10/2012 14:32

I remember being in primary 7 and my friend meeting her 'boyfriend' down the park (he was a boy in our class). She told me how he was on top of her grinding away and coping a feel, sticking his tongue down her throat. Parties were quite sexual as well and we were all well bf UHF up kids with strict parents. It can be innocent but even at that age they can be exploring all sorts if they get the chance.

BegoniaBampot · 31/10/2012 14:33

Well brought up kids, sure many were bf as well though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread