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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to be taunted by neighbours when I run up the street

141 replies

Babieseverywhere · 28/10/2012 21:16

I'm fat and I run.

I run for my health and because I enjoy it.

I am over 13 stone and a size 16 (down from 18 stone and size 24).

I now can run continuously for 2 hours covering 8.5 miles and I am proud of this and enjoy running :)

But I get a lot of negative comments from strangers, normally from young males who wind their windows down to shout comments at me as they drive past. Luckily I am hard of hearing so I miss the actual words screamed at me but it is clear from facial expressions and tones that the comments are negative...I ignore and keep on running.

A few weeks ago, new neighbours have taken on a house which needs a lot of building work done on it and hence are frequently outside the building and their young son has taken to pointing laughing and making various remarks about running and my weight, to and at me, which I ignore as he is a young child (around 8yo) and knows no better.

Then I 'met' his father, who joined in with his son and shouted so loudly across the road that I heard him clearly, despite my deafness/hard of hearing issues. He pretended to speak in the affections of a person with special needs and screamed 'Run Forest, Run' at me.

I crossed the road and asked him not to call me names in the street. He sneered and said he was only singing as I ran past and didn't get 'my fucking problem'. When I explained that I received enough comments from strangers and expected my new neighbours to be more courteous. His wife screamed from an upper store window, that I was 'fucking over reacting' and that I should 'expect comments when I run outside'.

Should I AIBU to expect neighbours to be polite to each other, not to mock them ?

I accept strangers might be nasty but is it acceptable to be pointed at, laughed at and name called on my door step....as I am fat and I run outside.

I may be old fashioned but I operate on the 'if you can't say anything nice, say nothing' policy and would never shout at strangers on the street.

Sigh, this won't stop me running but it just makes it harder for me to get out there. Why be nasty for no reason ?

OP posts:
TooImmatureGhostiesAndGhoulies · 29/10/2012 08:37

Wow, OP, you are amazing! I couldn't run for 10 mins, let alone 2 hours!

Isn't it ASBO behaviour to heckle like that? Report them to your community police officer and see how they like a visit from the police.

ZiggyPlayedGuitar · 29/10/2012 08:49

Jesus, stuff like this has me baffled. I sometimes forget that people like that actually exist, it just doesn't seem real.
Why the fuck would you shout that at someone or react by shouting and swearing when they stand up for themselves?!

Well done OP, you're way above these people. Keep your head high, you sound lovely

Narked · 29/10/2012 08:50

You should be seriously proud of yourself. Two hours!!

The comments from 'young men' are unfortunately because you have committed the crim of being a WEP - woman exercising in public. It wouldn't matter if you were a size 6, a size 16 or a size 26, you'd get men shouting out of their car windows at you. Obvious headphones might help to discourage it - not to listen to music but as a visual indicator that you won't hear them.

The new neighbour sounds like a fuckwit.

On a totally unrelated note, you know there a lots of opportunities to actively solicit junk mail online.

MrsHoarder · 29/10/2012 09:02

New neighbour is a past, as is anyone else who says you shouldn't exercise on the pavement. We don't have "walkways" here, just pavements which the only rule for is no vehicles.

I orienteer, and now need to start running in roads as well or I'll never be up to speed again.

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2012 09:12

Yes, Narked just said it. It is because you are a woman being active in public and doing what she wants to and that can confuse a stupid person.

i am a size 10 to 12 and quite light (when not having just had a baby!) and have also experienced disparaging and idiotic comments from men when running and cycling. More so when I was younger. Though some comments were leering they were certainly not admiring. As with all comments shouted from a safe didtance, it is all about power versus vulnerability.

I always think 'bet you couldn't run five miles' and feel pity for them.

The neighbours are another issue. That sounds like proper anti-social behaviour and potentially harassment. I would consider calling the local police number if it persists.

HazleNutt · 29/10/2012 09:16

The neighbours are clearly idiots.

Someone has probably already suggested it, but can you get really obvious headphones and even if you don't want to listen to music, just pretend that you are and that you can't hear any of the stupid comments?

EasilyBored · 29/10/2012 09:20

Ignore Ignore Ignore. And keep on running. People are twats, but you are fit (and getting fitter by the day). They will be arseholes for the rest of their lives.

carabos · 29/10/2012 09:20

It's not because you are fat. If I do any sort of exercise outdoors I get shouted at. I'm a size 8. People shout because you are making them uncomfortable about their own choices. It's just bullying - ignore.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/10/2012 09:29

Print of some erectile dysfunction leaflets and post them to him.

TomsBentPinky · 29/10/2012 09:30

Wow, im 12st and was planning on going running today.

Dont think I will now, if anyone shouted something about my weight I'd be crushed :(

CelticPromise · 29/10/2012 09:36

Arseholes. I second the response about getting thinner and fitter the more you run, while they will always be ignorant cunts. Or the MN classic- did you mean to be so rude?? With concerned look...

I'm a bigger runner too. I try to have responses prepared but I don't get many comments, I think I must put a scary face on when I run!

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2012 09:37

Do think about joining a running club. Mine is great and covers a really wide range of abilities and speeds, so long as people can run 3 to 5 miles they can happily join in and everyone is lovely. Then arrange a route that takes you and 20 of your new running buddies past idiot-bloke's house. Smile and wave.

Skivvytomany · 29/10/2012 09:49

Yanbu and your neighbours an ignorant twat. Keep on running, and well done, I can't run the length of myself never mind running as much as you do.

Don't take it personally as there are people like him everywhere who get their kicks from putting others down for no reason through jealousy, ignorance or sometimes I think that these people are just three nipple cousin fuckers who are the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't have children together Grin

frostyfingers · 29/10/2012 09:50

Their problem, not yours. You will have the last laugh on them as you will be fitter, stronger and healthier.

Original poster
Babieseverywhere · 29/10/2012 10:01

TomsBentPinky Please don't let this thread put you off running. The joy and pride you get from completing a run, is worth any negative comments.

I think the only reason the neighbours comments upset me so much, was that

  1. I expect neighbours to be pleasant to each other as we live in the same street.
  2. I had only started my run, if he had shouted at me on my return home leg of my run, I would of laughed in his face as I would be feeling so good.

carabos Gee, I give up....it sounds like any woman outside exercising is a target :( Glad it doesn't stop you running.

He He, love the various suggestions about post .

I have spoken to the mothers on the playgroup, apparently the family 'are known' to be aggressive, shouty and hold all night parties at their current property...just wonderful ! So we have loads to look forward to when they actual move into the street when they have finished work on their new house.

I have been advised to contact our local community officer if anything else happens. Interestingly the new neighbours were all outside this morning whilst I was on the school run and no comments were made to me...lets see how they react when I go out for a run in a couple of hours...maybe it is the neon running clothes which prompt the reactions...LOL

OP posts:
OneHandFlapping · 29/10/2012 10:05

Wow you can run for 2 hours! That's fantastic. Don't let those bastards win!

I occasionally get comments from cars zooming up behind me. Typically they shout out something I can't hear, as they go past, realise as they see my face that I am 55, and zoom off, before I can shout something rude back.

Sexist and ageist!

EllenParsons · 29/10/2012 12:40

YANBU, what utter arses. You should be proud of yourself with your brilliant weightloss and tbh I doubt those shouting at you could run 2 hours themselves!

5Foot5 · 29/10/2012 13:07

their young son has taken to pointing laughing and making various remarks about running and my weight, to and at me, which I ignore as he is a young child (around 8yo) and knows no better.

When I first read this I thought good grief as I would definitely expect a child of that age to know better. However, having read how his parents behaved I suppose one shouldn't be surprised. They sound like horrible people, please don't let them put you off.

shriekingnora · 29/10/2012 13:29

While out running I have been called a 'fat fucking cunt' and many other things. That was the one that really hurt, though. I also had two teenage girls say 'Go on then, start running' as I walked past them on my cool down lap round the block. I took great delight in saying 'I've just done 10k is that enough for you?'

I do find I get fewer comments when I have a good attitude - if I hold my head high and don't flinch when I approach people. Don't know why this changes things but it really does.

Don't let them get you down and well done on your amazong weight loss. You'll have a longer happier life than them.

Pictureperfect · 29/10/2012 17:45

Completely wrong of them,

If it starts getting to you remember the lady who came last in one of the Olympic running races but who got the hugest cheer as in her country she had to put up with people shouting horrid things as she ran- she showed them and you will too

Euphemiaaaarrrrgggghhhh · 29/10/2012 18:19

Next time, when your neighbour makes a comment about you being fat, go all Winston Churchill on his ass and say "I may be fat, sir, but in a year I will be slim and you will still be a baldy bastard."

ernieandbert · 30/10/2012 00:03

Gosh, I can't believe there are people like this out in the world. It sounds like school yard behaviour. I think the best thing you can do is ignore them. If you react in anyway, then they might keep doing it, but if not then they'll get bored and stop.

girlinagirdle · 30/10/2012 08:36

I am fat. And I run.

I have been getting a bit meh about it recently because of the dark and the rain.

Tonight I'm going to put my high-vis on (nice), plug my ear phones in and go for a trundle round my block all the while sticking metaphorical vees up at your neighbours.

As the Spencer Davis Group said (shows my age): Keep on Running!

VolumeOfACone · 30/10/2012 09:13

I only run at night along the river so I don't have to deal with shitty comments from men either leering or being nasty. I'm moving soon and I won't have anywhere similar to run. What am I going to do?!
Some people are so awful! Well done for standing up for yourself though OP. Very brave!

QueenofDreams · 30/10/2012 09:18

What I don't get about these people is this: how do they expect people who are overweight to lose weight without getting exercise? This genuinely bemuses me! You're getting exercise, you're losing weight, why are they taunting you for it? I guess I can only conclude that they're a bunch of morons.

Well done btw. I'm just under 13 stone, and desperate to get exercise and lose weight, but I can't due to a lingering pelvic injury from DD's birth nearly 2 years ago.