I am shaking with anger here.
I've recently had yet another miscarriage. It's taken a very long time to achieve this pregnancy and I had fertility treatment to help. This was our last chance to have a baby and I'm finding it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that it now isn't going to happen.
When I found out that I was pregnant I decided that I wanted to keep it quiet until we knew if the pregnancy would progress. DH wanted to tell his parents but I refused, as in previous pregnancies his mother told everybody (and I mean everybody!) our news even though we asked her not to. It then made a difficult situation a lot harder when we had to tell people things had gone wrong. DH was upset that I didn't want his Mum to know and it caused tension between us.
Anyway, when we knew that this pregnancy had failed (missed miscarriage) and I needed to go to hospital for Medical Management this week DH phoned his Mum and told her what had happened. We agreed that we would tell our parents but I said that I didn't want Grandparents etc to know. This was made clear to Mil!
Fast forward to today and we get a phone call from DH's Grandad's Widow (not his Grandma - and a women that his Mother can't even stand) to offer us her condolences. Mil has been having a fine old time ringing everybody in her phone book from what I can gather. Bil and his girlfriend were skyped in Australia and DH's Auntie and cousin have both had phone calls too. I can only assume that his other Aunts and uncles have had phone calls as well and I would imagine that all the neighbours have been given chapter and verse about my fertility problems!
I am livid but so far have resisted the urge to phone mil and ask her what the hell she is playing at. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with it myself and I really don't want to be having to talk to other people about it when I didn't invite them in to this very personal and private experience.
DH doesn't seem to think it matters if everybody knows now that it's all over (it's not all over for me, I'm still fucking grieving!) and he thinks that I am being unreasonable by refusing to go and spend next weekend with mil. I've told him that I am way too upset and angry to be civil to her at the moment and she needs to give me some space (not to mention an apology).
So Mumsnet jury .... Am I being unreasonable?
AIBU?
to think that it should be up to me who fucking well knows about my bloody miscarriage!!!
chubbymummy · 28/10/2012 20:41
Right, that's it! I'm totally done with her now!!!
She's just rang me to apologise (yeah right, an apology involves actually taking responsibility for the upset you've caused) and within seconds was telling me how much she does for us and how we don't appreciate it. She then said, and I quote "I would never go out of my way to upset you - unlike you who deliberately tries to upset me at times....." At this point I told her to piss off and hung up on her.
I'm so cross with myself now because I let her bait me, she'll now be able to tell everybody that I swore at her and she will get to play the victim. I lost my temper when she made out that I'm the one who causes all the trouble when I've spent the last 12 years biting my tongue and not responding to all the nasty little remarks and sly digs she makes. She's said some really nasty things to me over the years and I've put up with it to keep the peace for DH's sake. I think it has all just come to a head tonight and when she said that I swore at her before I had chance to think. DH isn't in at the moment but I know we're going to end up falling out when I tell him what I said. I don't need all this crap at the moment, this is making a really difficult time far worse than it was already. I feel like packing my bags and buggering off far away from anybody 
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I'm so sorry you're having to put up with all this as well as your loss
Cut the nasty vicious poisonous woman out of your life, if she's not bringing anything good to your life you don't need her
Your 'd' h should be supporting you, mine would never let anyone treat me like this, why won't stand up for you?
If he was any kind of decent man he would tell your mil how out of order she is, but the very least he can do is not moan if you decide to have nothing more to do with her
Life is way way to short to deal with people like her, they are like vampires and they suck the life out of you if you let them
Dont let her get to you, you are so far from being unreasonable
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