People splitting the bill when going out for a meal

[ThePlEWhoLovedMe]

10 of us went out for a meal last night for a friends 30th Birthday. When the bill came people were really picking over the bill - I would have been happy to split it 9 ways . I get that some people are really skint and I understand that people who don't drink shouldn't be paying for the drinkers... but seriously people were picking over everything to the last 50p and one lady seemed to have forgotten the 2 bottles of wine she shared with two others. AIBU to be a little annoyed that they made such a fuss?

No that sounds a bit downmarket. Craic is chaotic, drunken, stumbling around temple bar wondering if you've missed the last bus. La sobremesa is a more sophisticated beast! You remember everything the next day.

oh no! i've been having the wrong sort of craic then

@ somerset O'neill, that's so funny! i went out with a bunch of mums years ago from a toddler group. so i didn't know them that well, and some of them were german au pairs! anyway, at the end of the nigth the 'zeitgeist' seemed to be let's split the bill, so being the most sober, i got out the calculator and totted up everybody's share for them, and added on roughly 10%. the german au pairs looked at me with total respect and said 'yoo are a leetL bitt churman'. Total admiration in their eyes!

When we go out for dinner with family the bill is a flipping nightmare. It's basically a competition to see who can pay it all before anyone else disagrees. Last time DH "went to the loo", then when we'd finished eating and asked for the bill, FIL ran up to the waitress to pay only to be told "the bill has already been settled." We too have had the-race-to-the-waitress-with-wallets-flapping, as well as incidences of pick-pocketing wallets to prevent people paying in the past.

With friends we just split the food bill between everyone and the booze bill between the drinkers. But we always have the same number of courses as each other, and if somebody has something mega-expensive they'll chuck an extra tenner in. I don't really get the fuss about it all TBH.

SomersetO'Neil is completely correct when she says it is a cultural thing. I have never experienced people wanting to pay for exactly what they have eaten except for one Canadian person who was the only person out for a meal with a group of Irish people. She was quickly shot down but she was known as being very stingy anyway -not because she was broke but because she always sponged off others.

The only other place I have heard of it is here on Mumsnet.

This is not something that is done in Ireland and people would think you were strange if you tried to pay a bill this way. Seperate bills are also not common place in restaurants here and many would refuse to give them.

That's not true! ShShShSh, depends where you are. Mightn't expect this in Pichet or Chapter One for example (not that I frequent those fine establishments) but at a restaurant in my town with a group of women it wouldn't be totally unheard of for each person to pay fro what they had. I'd be relaxed about whichever way they wanted to split the bill.

Have learnt my lesson on this one. Went out with a group of workmates recently, who, when it came to paying, started whinging about splitting the bill equally. One said her food had been £1.50 cheaper than others. (She then went out and spent at least £20 on drinking.)

The worst part came when we left a tip. A £200 bill and they tried to leave a £5 tip. Only me and another girl said we had to leave at least £20. We left £20 on the table, which someone else picked up, said they weren't leaving that much and that we'd use that in a bar. So she left £5. Me and the other woman put down our change that we had and apologised to the waiter.

It wasn't until the next day that I realised that the £20 the woman had picked up for us to use in the bar had never been spoken of again.

Shshshsh some of the people I was out with were Irish, and they were arguing over the bill. So it obviously does happen in Ireland too.

Would always always now agree on splitting beforehand or getting separate bills. And will think twice before going out with that group again.

I hate going for group meals where the bill gets split evenly.there's always a few people who run it up, drinking lots, ordering sides etc and they always want to split it. I either don't go, or as soon as the bill comes throw in my share plus tip.

We usually agree beforehand what we are doing.Sometimes if everyone has had roughly the same, we split it but as we are going out as a family (and bearing in mind, small kids who only get kids meals, we will pay for what we had)

Reminds me of a funny story.We went out for my SIL's hen night, and a few of us ended up getting stuck at a different table. We were going to split the bill equally till we saw the other table ordering bottles of expensive champagne at 50 quid a pop. So we asked the waiter to bring the bill for our table, but we put a contribution in for her meal (not that mean twas her hen night :o).

I don't think she was chuffed that we hadnt contributed to the champagne. But then there are many reasons I don't like my SIL. :o

I would always make sure that someone who wasn't drinking didnt end up paying part of the wine bill and if I was out with just a couple of other people would offer to pay a bit more if I'd had a dessert and they hadn't or something like that. But it does annoy me when someone takes out a calculator and works out exactly how much they owe to the last penny and puts that down on the table. I had a friend who used to do that and it looked a bit petty. Also, in a big group people squabbling over who had a starter and who didn't or who had a second cup of coffee are just being ridiculous.

If everyone's meals come to the same amount give or take £1 or £2 then I say split the bill.

If someone is not drinking alcohol / has eaten less expensive food / didn't have a starter etc then the others should invite that person to pay less as just polite.

If I am out with good friends I will happily split the bill even if mine came to less as don't mind 'subsidising' them a bit and take the view it goes around and comes around. However if I am at a birthday do where I only know 1 person there I refuse to subsidise everyone!

I think best thing to do is agree before you order - are we splitting the bill or paying for what we each have.

'This really annoys me too op, in fact I cringe of I go out for a meal with a crowd and everyone has more or less give or take a quid or two had the same and they start quibbling over the last pennies. I realise some people are skint but then don't accept the invite, I don't!'

What if you are always skint? Should you never ever go out because you want to just pay for what you have had? That's ridiculous. I think the crux of this issue is who you go out with.

Let's face it, in many long term friendships you end up having big Differences in earnings. In one group of friends I have, where we've know one another for nearly 20 years there are two of us earning over 100k a year (one with no kids, or dependants, so lots of money, who eats out all the time) and two whose households earn easily half that, and have two kids.
I get to see them for a weekend once every couple of years. I have to save for it, plan what I am going to spend on meals and try and stick to it. I have explained this before, and another of the gang is right with me. The other two are happy to stick to cheap ( but still gorgeous) places and yet I still feel their disapproval and feel like a bit of a tit for asking if I can just pay my share when they suggest splitting the bill. last time there was a £10 difference in what was spent. Which might not seem much, but if when you literally have nothing spare. personally I don't want to give my daughters lunch money over just so someone earning 100k a year can have another glass of wine.

This time round I decided that perhaps I won't go next time. But I also sat and thought all the way home about why someone who was supposed to be a long standing close friend would by happy making me feel like that, as I would never ever make someone feel cheap because they were genuinely skint. If you are mean about realising and accommodating a friends financial situation then it's you who is the tit. ESP if you are earning loads and expecting them to subsidise you.

Oh PS, in times past when I had money and no family I regularly would split the bill or treat less well off friends to their meal. It's often not a case of tightness for tightness sake, but genuine shortness of cash!

I would rather pay for my own and leave a tip. The last couple of times me and DP went out with friends and split the bill we got seriously ripped off.

We went out for a meal with a friend for his birthday (there was about 20 of us). The meals were all priced about the same. Me and DP had starter, main and desert, a couple of pints of beer and I had 2 cokes. When the bill came we worked out roughly how much ours was (everyone else did this) and paid extra (say bill was £38 we put in £45 to cover tip etc), but the couple next to us had the same, starter, main and desert and had a few drinks and a bottle of wine, but their meal came to the same as ours roughly but they were also paying for their adult daughters who also had starter, main and desert and drinks.

We had to put another tenner into the pot as there was not enough money to cover the bill. When ever I see this friend I feel murderous at her!

Another time we went out for a Christmas meal and the meal was already paid for so it was only drinks. We got the drinks from the bar but some people wanted bottles of wine with the meals which was paid for at the end. DP had a ONE glass of wine and when the bill came there wasnt enough money so DP ended up paying £15 for one glass of wine. Never again, I will only pay for what I spend in future.

I'm happy to split, pay my own, split + bung extra in if I've had more beer, pay the whole bill for family.

I'm unhappy with; arguing at the end of the meal, being tutted at for having another beer, cheap bastards who don't want to leave at least 10% tip.

One group of friends always eat the most expensive mains; so I order another bottle of wine

I think the main issue is drinkers / non drinkers and splitting the bill when you've not been drinking.

I'm generally ok to split the bill, apart from recently when I went out with a group of mums (what is it with mums??!!) and we split the bill but later realised the other group (we were at two tables) had been ordering G&Ts and irish coffees but never mentioned this when it came to splitting the bill.

yesh, the only way round it is to eat drink and be merry yourself....

people who put in extra money then consider the other person murderous, need to question themselves. Why? Why do it? Why not decide to not put in any more money and politely point out to the person that they had the extra bottle of wine etc.
No point wingeing after the event, if you didn't have the 'bottle' to say anything at the time.

Because Obolmov I couldnt actually prove it and didnt want to start an argument and ruin a good night out. No point wingening after the event? Fucking hell better shut Mumsnet down, every post on here is about moaning after an event.

But better to put the extra in and not spoil a nice night for the birthday boy, and i have plenty of bottle thanks and am generally known as a gob shite who will stand my ground. I just choose my battles more wisely.