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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People splitting the bill when going out for a meal

119 replies

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 28/10/2012 15:44

10 of us went out for a meal last night for a friends 30th Birthday. When the bill came people were really picking over the bill - I would have been happy to split it 9 ways . I get that some people are really skint and I understand that people who don't drink shouldn't be paying for the drinkers... but seriously people were picking over everything to the last 50p and one lady seemed to have forgotten the 2 bottles of wine she shared with two others. AIBU to be a little annoyed that they made such a fuss?

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 29/10/2012 00:12

nosey you should always pay on cards first, just in case the restaurant doesnt pass on card tips to the staff, IYSWIM. In the situation you mention, the fact the whole tip went on a card means the waiters might not have got anything. Pay off the bill on the card, tip on cash.

Bogeyface · 29/10/2012 00:36

I used to work in my friends restaurant when he was short staffed and the amount of people that would use the tip to pay their share was shocking. We usually worked out a way of making sure everyone else found out though! The favourite was to print out a second receipt and take it to the table saying "I cant remember if I gave you the receipt, so I have printed you off a copy" and give it to someone at the opposite end of the table from the tip stealer. I always picked a bossy looking woman or an anal looking man as they could be relied on the check it!

There was once a blazing row when someone stole a £30 tip to cover their share of a meal where they had done the old "3 courses, plus wine, plus whiskey, lets split it evenly". There was lots of "YOU ARE A THIEF! YOU STOLE FROM YOUR FRIENDS!!" We wanted to say, actually, he stole from us but we let it go Wink :o

Oh and the tips dont always just go to the waiting staff. We split our tips equally between the chef and the kitchen staff aswell as front of house.

riveroise · 29/10/2012 06:01

Ages ago I went out for an evening meal with a male aquaintance.

I put in a note, enough to cover my half, plus generous tip, plus I thought I would get a couple of quid change returned. He pocketed the note, paid for the meal with a card (no tip) and asked for a receipt that said "lunch", he said "great, I can put that in as an expense claim as meal with client".

What a charmer!

Morloth · 29/10/2012 06:12

I don't care either way, but the discussion needs to be had BEFORE the meal.

I probably be tipsy afterwards and full of lovely food and just wanting to go home to bed. I don't want to add up.

Snog · 29/10/2012 06:53

I don't like being expected to pay for the birthday girl's meal unless this has been pre-agreed.
This weirdly pisses me off because generally I am a generous person, first to the bar etc. anyone else not like this being sprung on them?

panicnotanymore · 29/10/2012 07:07

As someone who only ever orders one course and doesn't drink I'm sick to death of paying £50 plus for a £8 meal. I never complain, but I have been known to say I can't go rather than face a big bill when money has been tight. The worst was when a colleague arranged a work lunch for my birthday, invited loads of people I didn't know from other departments, and I ended up subsidising their meal. I really couldn't afford it and it left me very short for the rest of the month.

If people want to split the bill, let them, and if you don't want to be part of it bung in an over generous share for yourself and leave.

ErikNorseman · 29/10/2012 07:19

I've never had my meal paid for just because it's my birthday. If you are buying a gift for birthday person why would you pay for their meal too?
I prefer in principle to split the bill equally but to be honest when you are really broke it's not possible. Sometimes I have had to explain to friends discreetly beforehand that I can only come out if we pay for what we have which allows me to budget. If I have £20 plus bus fare and i choose a £10 main and a beer accordingly then telling me it's 'only £30 each' won't work! People who think 'it's just a tenner' clearly haven't experienced being unable to produce a spare tenner unplanned. And should people who don't have much spare cash be excluded from socialising?

Purple2012 · 29/10/2012 07:31

I hate the quibbling about the few pence less/more people have spent.

I am a fussy vegetarian so often just have a couple of side dishes. I also don't drink much but I always split the bill evenly.

I have a friend who works it out to the last penny, I have treated her to lunch before but it is never returned so when we go out we always pay for what we have.

Other friends we take it in turns to pay. And it works just fine. If we go out for a meal as a couple with another couple we will split evenly, although if we had something more expensive I would put in more.

I'm shocked at people stealing tips though.

shuffleballchange · 29/10/2012 07:31

I once went out on an old school friends bday meal, I didn't know the rest of the group very well. I ordered the cheapest meal, just had one course and stuck to water, I was incredibly skint at the time. Everyone else were getting pissed and had two or three courses. The bill came and some bright (drunk) spark suggested we split it equally apart from birthday girl, I ended up paying more than £25. I was young and stupid naive then, now I would not accept such nonsense and don't really give a flying fuck what others think. My close friends are the same as me so its just not
an issue.

shuffleballchange · 29/10/2012 07:33

Just seen the bit about stealing tips, a cousin of mine tried this after a family lunch, let's just say she won't be trying it again!!

Binkyridesagain · 29/10/2012 07:40

My SIL is a penny pincher and will calculate the bill to the last penny, she also asks for a doggy bag for all the leftovers.
Unless someone has ordered something very expensive I'm happy with splitting the bill, it's quicker and easier.

MrsCampbellBlack · 29/10/2012 07:48

I don't think I've been out since I was in my early 20's where people only pay for what they ate/drank - we just always split the bill.

I tend to always drive but don't go out with big drinkers so its not a big deal really.

The problem seems to be people who over-order deliberately and then want to split the bill - don't think I'd be massively keen on being friends with people like that. And it is always nice if someone does notice those who have only drank tap water and offers to reduce their share accordingly.

Cahoots · 29/10/2012 07:58

I much prefer to pay my own bill if I am in a group. I got caught out once and I won't let it happen again. I don't drink and I don't won't to pay for other people to drink.
The important thing is to mention it befor the meal.

yellowsun · 29/10/2012 08:00

For us it's split the bill or don't go as we just don't have the sort of money to splash out on an expensive meal. The last meal we went to, OH and I chose a cheap main and had 2 drinks. Everyone else had starters, sides, mains, deserts, coffees and more drinks. Ours came to £36 and others £70 - 90. I'm sorry if that makes me a skinflint but I'm just not prepared/able to spend that on top of a baby sitter. Of course I wouldn't argue over a few pence and would always round up and add a tip, but I'm not paying double. Apparently we are lucky that our friends are not fussed.

tanfastic · 29/10/2012 08:02

This really annoys me too op, in fact I cringe of I go out for a meal with a crowd and everyone has more or less give or take a quid or two had the same and they start quibbling over the last pennies. I realise some people are skint but then don't accept the invite, I don't!

uggmum · 29/10/2012 08:05

I don't mind splitting the bill if everyone is fairly equal with what they have eaten/ drunk etc. but I went out 3 weeks ago with a group of friends and one of them had a bottle of wine and 4 bottles of lager. I had a coke at £2.

I was not there to supplement them so each person paid for what they had eaten/drunk etc.

yellowsun · 29/10/2012 08:06

We don't go out for meals very often, only with close friends due to our finances. Our friends would much rather we came and paid for what we ate than miss celebrating their birthday with them.

SomersetONeil · 29/10/2012 08:10

It's such a cultural thing, isn't it?

DH is Irish and you'd sooner get someone zipping up their space suit and flying to the moon than quibbling over pennies at the dinner table - just cringe. Instead, it's people fighting to pay, rather than trying to worm their way out of it. People taking other people's wallets off them to prevent them from paying, people doubling up on their round to prevent others from paying.

So different from the calculator and totting-up brigade.

kim147 · 29/10/2012 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 29/10/2012 08:21

Ah, an old classic.

It's like a nice warm snuggly jumper.

I understand nearly all of the arguments, what I don't understand is what people are doing sitting around having a small salad while everyone around them has a starter, main, dessert and whiskey.

Trills · 29/10/2012 08:23

Of course the answer is not to go out for dinner with people who split the bill in a way that you disagree with.

Or, if you really quite like them apart from that, take control at the beginning.

If they are niggly penny-splitters and you can't stand the adding-up, then ask for all bills to be separate, and agree "I'll share this wine with Sharon, that coke can go on Tracey's bill" etc.

If they are over-indulgers and you just want one course, ask for just your bill to be separate.

If you are all relatively normal, go for a ""Right, that's £25 for non-drinkers and £30 for drinkers, but Dave had seven pints of coke so I think we'll count him as a drinker too".

Cabrinha · 29/10/2012 08:33

Trills - really, you can't guess? Talking, laughing, listening, enjoying socialising with friends. Have a small appetite and being a non drinker doesn't stop that happening. I'm Irish btw.

YouWithTheFace · 29/10/2012 09:28

I'll tell you one thing, my budget as a very part-time worker + SAHM means I never splash out more than £25 for a major night out's food/drink, esp as there's going to be an extra £40 minimum for babysitting on top of the bill at the end of the evening, and £10 trainfare, and taxi/Oyster too. Y'all that are splitting the bill 'equally', can I include all my expenses for the evening in this bill?

L01S · 29/10/2012 09:51

@ kim147, and then they get arrested and have to sit in a cell for a few hours. Then the garda says they can be released on bail and they have another fight about who pays the bail.

Cabrinha. I know what you mean, there's no english word for it though is there? i use the spanish word. - "la sobremesa" that I enjoy. The sitting around the table having the opportunity to catch up and relax. I like the food but sometimes somebody might ask me what I ate in a restaurant last week and I'd have forgotten, but I remember if my friends looked well and healthy, were in good form, I remember all the latest news! yes, a glass of wine or two helps, but I probably do eat less than the 'average' person. Being short, size ten and a woman who watches her weight.

BeingBooyhoo · 29/10/2012 10:04

LOIS in ireland we call it enjoying the craic.