to not want DH to let off fireworks at our village bonfire?

[LoosingBattle]

I am scared of fireworks, really terrified, I don't want to let that spoil anyone's fun but DH being in charge of them at our village bonfire is a step too far for me.

Reasons I feel strongly against it:

1. DH's helper on the night is one of his mates who although lovely isn't very sensible, neither is DH when they get together.
2. What if his actions hurt someone else? A child? Or he hurts himself? However careful (he says he will be) accidents happen - why take the risk?
3. He wants DD to be there which means I will have to take her as he will be busy blowing himself up with the fireworks. Obviously I would rather be anywhere else.

We only moved to the village last year, although I grew up here, and DH has very much immersed himself in village life and says it is important for him to be part of it and honoured to be asked .

AIBU?

No Chicken that is what I want to hear!

I even played the "if you loved me you wouldn't do it" card last night.

I bet you live in Sussex

Nope, about as rural Scotland as you get - why Sussex?

Well, if the pair of them can't commit to being sensible about lighting fireworks near other people then they have to decline and ask someone more capable to do it. As adults they should easily be able to recognise that.

If that's really the case though, they must be incapable of being sensible about anything, truly anything. Is that really true, or do they just lark about when it doesn't really matter? (You haven't married a child, have you, he must have some sense of responsibility).

Does the event have insurance? If not he is personally responsible for any effects.

Is there anyone else who could take your daughter? Could she tag along with a friend's family?

Its hard to know what you mean by 'really terrified', people have such different perceptions of what is manageble fear, unpleasantness and discomfort. Taking your statement at face value though, so undertsanding this to be an exceptionally unpleasant, even traumatic experience for you, then obliging you to attend is quite unkind and he should perhaps rethink his priotiies.

I wondered about insurance myself, have fire extinquishers been organised, is a first aid person on hand, does the display require a license?

Well does your daughter want to go?

If not-simple, don´t go!

But if he & this friend really are twats when they get together, then I think you ought to tell someone that they can´t be trusted to be safe tbh.

p.s. Is he good at reading and following instructions reliably and thinking ahead? This is not a task for going with gut feeling or winging it at the last minute. In fact if he's setting up the display, he must have done a lot of planning and preparation alraedy. Or is he just lighting, following someone else's instructions?

DH himself is sensible and safety conscience (he works in H&S, dealing with HGVs though not fireworks!), its just that him and his friend are a bad combination, although their escapades usually involve alcohol which will not be on the cards that night.

Not sure about insurance, will ask. I know they had to contact council, police, fire brigade so presume if there is a need for insurance that will have been sorted, secretary of community council is very good and they have public liability insurance for Gala Day etc, probably not cover fireworks though, she is the first aiders also for any community events.

I'm not so terrified that I physically couldn't go, I just don't get why people find something so dangerous fun?! There are so many things that could go wrong.

DD is only 3 and has no idea what a firework is, so she certainly isn't fussy about going (although I would image she would enjoy it, she isn't phased by loud noises)

I am in my 30s and there has been a firework display in the village every year since I can remember and no one has ever been hurt - starting to think maybe IABU?

You can want it not to happen but if he backs out now then you'll both have reputations (him unreliable / you wife from hell) in your new village that will take years to shake. He shouldn't have just agreed.

If it's any consolation DH is doing them at our village bonfire this year. They are firmly behind ropes, in hi-vis jackets and it's all planned out. The parish council stands the insurance as it's on their land. Have a no alcohol until after policy.

Watch out for when the bonfire doesn't get going cos it's rained so much and a farmer decides liberal dosing with diesel is the answer. [hhmm]

Ok then, so him doing it and you going are separate things. You and dd don't have to go. Does he want you there as part of the 'taking part' thing? You could go along before or after the actual fireworks, if there's more to the event. Perhaps he has to compromise.

YANBU to think fireworks are risky and people get hurt, you know they do. It is all about managing risk very carefully.

Looks like it might be snow not rain that is the problem this year! The area for the bonfire and letting the fireworks off is perfect, huge area away from everything else, the bonfire is built already and areas marked out, high vis jackets at the ready. But things can still go wrong can't they? A random gust of wind or a faulty firework? Ruins someone's life forever, for the sake of a few bangs?!

The man that usually lets them off isn't in the community council this year but sure he would still do it as a one off if asked. I grew up in the village and moved when I married DH so I know everyone and don't care if they think I am a terrible wife!!

Nope, about as rural Scotland as you get - why Sussex? - oh the bonfire is really important there, the risk is managed very well as I am sure it will be at yours - why do all these posters want you to treat your husband like a naughty teenager?

I think the point of following instructions and planning everything carefully is that if something does go wrong, it's still ok, as you have the right safeguards in place (distance, timing etc). Especially given his job, your DH ought to be able to talk this process through and reassure you.

Public displays will be risk managed to death these days.....bonfire night is a special night(yes, village dweller in Sussex here!) I'm sure it will all go well..just hope it doesn't rain..that's normally the worst thing that happens...x