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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being really precious about this (Christmas related)

97 replies

azazello · 26/10/2012 21:20

We are supposed to be spending Christmas with my parents this year and my siblings and their partners and children were also coming over for a couple of days. Mum has been getting very excited and planning meals, decorations etc and getting the children excited too.

I spoke to mum yesterday and she said that my sister and her partner had asked if they could invite a former colleague of BIL's over for Christmas as his family live a lOng way away and otherwise he would be on his own. The friend lives in Spain so would be coming for the week. Mum has said that's fine.

None of the rest of us have met thIs friend / colleague (inc parents) and I am feeling a bit upset that none of the rest if us were asked before a complete stranger was invited for the whole holiday. It also rather changes things because we and the children will all have to be dressed etc!

Am I being really selfish and precious (as u suspect) or would we be reasonable to follow DH's suggestion and head over to PILs who would be beyond thrilled.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 27/10/2012 13:08

Goodwill to all men?
Apparently not!
Yabu.

Dawndonna · 27/10/2012 13:35

I'm glad you've come round. I have the most evil mother on the planet. After I'd left home, she used to say that I could go for Christmas as long as I turned up after dinner, helped with the clearing up and only stayed an hour. From about Nineteen to Twentyfour, my Christmas began in bed with a bottle of scotch and lasted, in bed, with whisky until the day after boxing day. It's horrible.
It was a long time ago and I didn't know about volunteering and stuff then and I didn't want to bother other families, but trust me, it is so, so awful on your own.

Merlotmonster · 27/10/2012 16:09

Dawn...what a sad story....hope you are having fantastic crimbos now

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 27/10/2012 16:17

Ridiculous

Original poster
azazello · 27/10/2012 16:34

I did clearly accept last night that IWBU so I do understand. Sorry for those who have horrible Christmases in their own.

I've spoken to my sister and apparently the friend really wants them to go to Barcelona but mum kicked up a fuss because it ruined her Perfect Family Christmas so she insisted he was invited over. I'm sure it will be fine.

And the paedophile comment was fucking stupid. We see my parents and siblings in groups regularly. I know they won't bat an eyelid at DS going off to the loo and not dressing again, or hanging around in his pyjamas but it isn't that sort of dynamic with a stranger.

Anyway I have repeatedly acknowledged IABU so I'm not going to bother posting here again.

OP posts:
LaCiccolina · 27/10/2012 16:42

You sound about 12 spoilt and ungrateful. I agree that a stranger can really add up the atmosphere rather than detract. As not one of us has agreed with u and even u thought u sounded off its time to just grow up a bit.

I don't think anyone would mind agreeing to next year being family only though. Doubt they want a habit of it either....!

LaCiccolina · 27/10/2012 16:44

I was responding to original post not what appear stone some odd turns later!!

mrsbacchus · 27/10/2012 16:57

Many years back a new colleague of DH couldn't get back home for christmas (last minute crisis at work, missed his christmas eve flight). So we had a very last minute guest to christmas dinner whose english wasn't perfect either. We had a lovely day and a few weeks later the invitation was reversed when we were invited to his home in Brussels to say thank you. This man and his wife are now among our dearest friends.

JustFabulous · 27/10/2012 18:31

It still will be all your family together. Just with someone who would otherwise be alone.

"who won't be able to join in without a lot of effort from everyone."

And? That is what Christmas is about. Putting in some effort to make someone else feel welcome.

Have you even thought about he might be feeling? Away from his family, worrying he will be in the way, not knowing the traditions of the family he is spending the time with and you are still complaining. "I suppose it might be okay." Not very positive, are you?

Dawndonna · 27/10/2012 20:16

Merlot, I have four children ranging from 27 to 16. We have fabulous Crimbos, thank you. It was having children that changed it.
Funnily enough, we don't have dm round, though!

Knowsabitabouteducation · 27/10/2012 20:27

YABVU

It is lovely that your DSis and DM would think about someone who would otherwise be alone at Christmas.

It's the season for giving, not for being selfish.

mumeeee · 27/10/2012 23:17

YABU and a bit selfish.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 27/10/2012 23:32

Squoosh Grin

stickthekettleon · 27/10/2012 23:49

Think how awkward HE will feel spending Christmas Day with a 15 strong family group he doesn't know and who will all be revelling in beng back together again?

aloiseb · 28/10/2012 00:45

Azazzello I knkow how you feel, I once posted on here about letting a 10 year old have a mobile phone and got harried by a judgemental lot. Good job they didn't know she'd already had her ears pierced.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel it's a bit of an intrusion, if you've always had Christmas as a family sort of time. We are the same - even in-laws have to be tested out for years (or so they tell me) before being accepted. Blush

However, I think it's lovely that your Mum has invited someone else to come and join the festivities - perhaps she's wanting to spread the message wider, and has also realised that she can't depend entirely on family to provide her with companionship for the rest of her life. You can never have enough friends when you are old.

boomting · 28/10/2012 03:44

More the merrier, IMHO. We've got the random distant cousin this year, whose parents (he's never married) have died. If all else fails, asking his opinion on politics is always the basis for a conversation that can kill a good hour - he's rather right wing & Daily Mail reading, and we're all distinctly lefty Grauniad readers.

With regards to getting dressed, I've become more than accustomed to finding people who I've never clapped eyes on before in my house (although I do live in a shared house) Not going to stop going downstairs for a morning cuppa in my PJs, so all and sundry get to see me in my PJs

bragmatic · 28/10/2012 05:15

I'd be a bit put out, too.

Bah humbug.

bragmatic · 28/10/2012 05:16

Justfabulous, you're wrong. Christmas is all about getting pissed and fighting with the in-laws.

JustFabulous · 28/10/2012 09:20

Not in my world so just iyo I am wrong, bragmatic.

LaLaGabby · 28/10/2012 09:30

Let's not forget, the original Christmas was also about a small, naked child that no-one could manage to avert their eyes from.

teacherandguideleader · 28/10/2012 10:08

I am my mother's only relative. If something happened to me I hope that there are people out there as kind as the rest of your family so she will not spend Christmas alone. I think you are incredibly unreasonable and selfish. How would you feel if it was you that had no one and found you were unwelcome somewhere because an individual there wanted to stay in their PJs all day?

teacherandguideleader · 28/10/2012 10:10

My view is also possibly clouded by when I was younger we were invited to friends of my mum's - many of them were 'strangers'. They did it for my mum so she wasn't alone with a 5 year old at Christmas and she got some adult conversation. They are my happiest Christmas memories.

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