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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being really precious about this (Christmas related)

97 replies

azazello · 26/10/2012 21:20

We are supposed to be spending Christmas with my parents this year and my siblings and their partners and children were also coming over for a couple of days. Mum has been getting very excited and planning meals, decorations etc and getting the children excited too.

I spoke to mum yesterday and she said that my sister and her partner had asked if they could invite a former colleague of BIL's over for Christmas as his family live a lOng way away and otherwise he would be on his own. The friend lives in Spain so would be coming for the week. Mum has said that's fine.

None of the rest of us have met thIs friend / colleague (inc parents) and I am feeling a bit upset that none of the rest if us were asked before a complete stranger was invited for the whole holiday. It also rather changes things because we and the children will all have to be dressed etc!

Am I being really selfish and precious (as u suspect) or would we be reasonable to follow DH's suggestion and head over to PILs who would be beyond thrilled.

OP posts:
Guitargirl · 26/10/2012 21:38

YAB extremely U and sound very adolescent - Christmas spirit anyone?

Chubfuddler · 26/10/2012 21:40

You can't organise a 3 year old to be dressed by lunchtime? Really?

mcrvamp · 26/10/2012 21:41

Do your DC watch Dora? If they do then they would be able to talk to him! Lol!

My son doesn't like getting dressed, but he has to when we are not at home.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/10/2012 21:42

My DH is in the Army, we have always had a place at our Christmas for those who were on duty so couldn't go home, or those who didn't have a home to go to, whether we knew them or not.... That's the point of Christmas isn't it? To spread the Christmas spirit?

Your family are doing a lovely thing for someone who would otherwise be alone at Christmas - and you are bothered because you'll have to be dressed?

YABU. Of all the times of the year to be blatantly selfish and "all about ME" - Christmas really isn't the one I'd choose....

You have said your Mum is already excited - yes, decamp to your PIL's because your family have offered the hand of friendship to a person at Christmas - I'm sure she'll understand why you feel you have to abandon your family and upset her carefully made plans not.

Also not sure why you felt you should have been consulted before your parents invited someone to stay in THEIR home. Perhaps they thought you would be happy to do something for someone else, as they are, and as your BIL (DSis?) is thought they brought you up with more compassion and kindness.

Leave someone alone at Christmas?? Total no-brainer for me. Place at my table for anyone and if any of my family didn't like it, then I would be absolutely appalled.

apostropheuse · 26/10/2012 21:43

Dear goodness I can't believe you can't dress a three year old before lunchtime. That's actually inconceivable to me. I shall presume that statement must be tongue in cheek!

Guitargirl · 26/10/2012 21:44

'I'm sure it will be okay although we might not make it downstairs in time for lunch if DS has to be dressed!'

Please tell me you are not serious. What do you do with him now during the days? Is he starting school next year?

bbface · 26/10/2012 21:44

YABU

Which is odd, as you clearly come from a very reasonable family. Your mum sounds great! Excited about the family Christmas, but totally willing to welcome a stranger. Watch and learn from her I say.

HorraceTheOtter · 26/10/2012 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
azazello · 26/10/2012 21:45

Of course I can organise a 3 year old to get dressed by lunchtime. I do it every day. Except Christmas because he likes being naked and nobody minds. But hey, carry on with the kicking despite the fact that I have now posted 4? times acknowledging that IABU. I still don't think slight discontent about a complete stranger should incur more of a kicking than refusing to invite a widowed MIL but there you go.

DC don't watch Dora - I tried once but couldn't stand the songs.

OP posts:
honeytea · 26/10/2012 21:45

YABU.

I think it is only the british that have an obsession with children being dressed all the time, he won't mind a naked toddler running about.

We always had some random guest at christmas, it was fun! The kids might pick up some spanish and you can hear all about his traditions (with the help of your sister and BIL translating.)

Why don't you get the kids to watch some dora and learn some spanish words and make the most out of the situation?

Yokel · 26/10/2012 21:45

I worked in Spain for a few years when I left uni. I couldn't afford to go home for Christmas. Fortunately, my Spanish friends used to invite me to their homes for Christmas Day. Noone spoke English, and my Spanish was rubbish at the start, but I'll never forget the kindness and hospitality I was shown. This was 20 years ago - these people are still close friends. This thread makes me very sad. Christmas isn't a time for selfishly drawing up the drawbridge on our stifling little family units. Quite the opposite.

borisjohnsonshair · 26/10/2012 21:48

Just act like you would if he wasn't there. He'll join in with the spirit of it all - don't the Spanish love children (gross generalisation)? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to behave any differently around him. Maybe you could get the DCs to play some games that don't involve too much speaking English - or you could teach them a bit of Spanish? Throw yourselves into it, get the wine flowing straight after breakfast earlyish and you'll all be fine.

Chubfuddler · 26/10/2012 21:48

I don't think you actually have posted even once that you accept YABU. but if you do now, good.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 21:48

Oh come on the 'dressing' is a red herring surely?

Dress him...it'll take minutes and if he decides to remove his clothes in front of the guest who cares?

I'm quite sure he's seen a naked 3yr old before.

Everlong · 26/10/2012 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guitargirl · 26/10/2012 21:50

Must remember to stick to chat [hhmm]

LapsedPacifist · 26/10/2012 21:50

OP, this isn't just BU, it's really grim. What exactly do you imagine Christmas is supposed to be about? Hmm

Perhaps you should read your Bible. Or do you worship Mammon Santa instead?

And perhaps it's time your DC learned that nudity isn't always socially appropriate - especially as they won't actually be in their own home.

Do hope this is a reverse AIBU.

AmberLeaf · 26/10/2012 21:51

I don't think YABU actually.

If it were me I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want to spend christmas with someone I didn't know well to the point that I wouldn't be able to sit in my parents front room in my PJs on christmas morning.

It's a kind thing for your BIL to do, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it myself.

Original poster
azazello · 26/10/2012 21:53

The op did say "Am I being really selfish and precious (as u suspect)" I obviously meant "I". Sorry if this was insufficiently clear. I wholeheartedly apologise and unreservedly acknowledge that AIBU.

It won't be the same and will be a bit different but it'll probably be okay/.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 21:53

What's wrong with wearing PJ's on Christmas morning? It's totally natural Confused

How many people on this thread would be offended if they were kindly invited to spend Christmas with a family and they wore PJ's in the morning whilst opening their presents/playing with the kids?

Not me.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/10/2012 21:54

YANBU about Dora although it is partly in Spanish so may be an option with the guest? [hgrin]

As English is taught in Spanish schools I would think he will be more than capable of conversing with you all.

ilovesooty · 26/10/2012 21:54

I don't see why an invitation for someone who'd otherwise be alone should make it impossible for you to wear your PJs.

You're not the host: your mother is. Thankfully for this chap she and your BIL sound a lot nicer, more giving and less self centred and insular than you do.

honeytea · 26/10/2012 21:56

It will be fine op :) Some of the spanish christmas traditions are really interesting, I think in parts of spain they have a shitting man who is part of the nativity scean, just think what a giggle the DC will have about that!

Original poster
azazello · 26/10/2012 21:59

The guest is actually Argentinian so have no idea how much English he has learnt. (As he was at school just after the Falklands, I'm guessing not much). BIL has never spoken to him in English so wouldn't know.

I know. I know. Again AIBU. Its just that all 15 of my family don't get together that often but are very close so it just feels a bit weird inviting someone else who won't be able to join in without a lot of effort from everyone.

I would feel a lot less odd about it if PILs invited other peopl (not that they would, they make me look positively sociable) because it isn't the change in tradition. Anyway, sorry if I upset anyone.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 22:00

A man takes a shit in the Nativity scene? Confused

My DS would love that Grin

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