...to find the whole baby stage generally just a bit...well.....shit?

[bblue]

For sure there are some wonderful bits, like the big grins, but it seems to me to be overwhelmingly mind-numbingly tedious. Lots of crying, lots of not sleeping (for everyone), wearing the same 3 revolting tops in rotation (breastfeeding) and constantly covered in baby sick. I have got an older child too, and while they have their own challenges(!) it definitely gets more interesting. A friend calls it the "baby conspiracy" - i.e. that you'll rarely hear a bad word about having a tiny baby (that's not immediately tempered by "but oh my god they're so worth it, wouldn't change it for the world") but surely it's not just me (and my friend?!). Or is it?

YANBU. My DS turned 1 last week and things are so much better now. If I'm honest I can say I hated the "baby" stage and really thought for months that I'd made a huge mistake. I don't think that any more. He's so much fun now and I suppose we've gone through a period of adjustment.

Some people find different stages....well....different. Some prefer babies, some prefer toddlers, others even thrive on teenagers. I think the important thing to remember is that it's different for everyone. Everyone has different babies, different aptitudes, different lifestyles, different temperaments.

I have to say I found it depressing when everyone around me was in apparent ecstasy over their newborns. I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I didn't feel the same way. I think witchestit's comment is a bit typical of the mainstream attitude in that socially you have to be seen to be enjoying your young baby or there's something wrong with you as a person. Telling everyone they should just ENJOY IT is completely missing the point and really kicking a significant proportion of new mothers when they're down.. OP's post isn't negative. Merely a reflection that not everyone finds things the same as everyone else.

First few months were awful. Now, at 7 months, DD is just brilliant and I think I am happier than I've ever been.
When my parents visited from overseas when DD was a newborn they thought I was going to have a breakdown, they'd never seen me so exhausted and low.
So OP, you're NBU. I think though that if I had another baby I'd have more of a sense of perspective, that I'd know it would pass. When DD was tiny it felt like the horror was going to drag on forever.

I think there's a huge link with sleep and or support. I'm really not enjoying it now at 11 months when my husband is away and I'm only getting 3 or 4 hours sleep but when he's home and taking the big kid I love playing with baby and interacting with her. I just wish I had time and energy to do it more.

Spot on, MixedBerried!

Thank you BeeWi!

Once they get to 9/10 months they improve a lot!

YANBU and witches words fail me.

I utterly loathed newborns,expecting to feel the same way re the teenage years.Breezed through the terrible 2/3s(after 3 under 15 months it seemed like child's play),potty training etc.Some of my friends adored the baby years and are struggling now.Tis peaks and troughs on the motherhood road.

It's a marathon not a sprint and being a mother is a lifelong role which is nigh on impossible to enjoy every bit of and I've yet to meet anybody old and young who has.I battled for 7 years to be a mum so I guess should have had more incentive than most to enjoy every minute

I fail to see what is enjoyable re chronic sleep deprivation,feeling like a milk cow(cried with utter joy when I cracked open the 1st formula tin),pain,utter boredom,screaming newborns and clearing up poo,vomit on a loop.I did it because I loved my babies above and beyond everything else but enjoy not on your nelly.Who says you have to????

I didn't really start to enjoy DD until she was about 9 months old. I loved her to bits (and still do of course), but found the tiny baby bit very draining and boring.

Completely agree. i hated the baby stage. Sleepless nights, no social life, having to plan every single outing around feeding/nap times, having to pack a mini suitcase every time you leave the door, hoisting a pram everywhere, having to take a pram on a bus, smelly, exploding nappies. Not to mention how boring it is. The baby can't communicate, can't play. Nothing. And I was a LP from day one so had the joy of this all to myself.

For me, the best part is when they're three +. They can go to the loo themselves, sleep a bit better, no more day naps, can feed themselves, can talk, can play...

I hated the baby stage so much I can honestly say I'll never do it again. The only way I'll have another child is if I adopt. At least then I'll know the baby bit is behind them.

Oh god, reading that back I sound bloody awful. I'm not. I'm lovely. Honest.

At 6 months I found it easier and enjoyable before they got up on their feet and started to cause chaoshence ending up with 3 under 15 months by some sheer biological miracle.The brain blocks out the early shite.

I honestly think if women were more honest and didn't pretend the newborn years were a Gap ad there would be less teenage pregnancies so good on you op.

Well all I can say is I really it hope it does get better as they get older...I think it will...it already is a lot better now we are at 16mo but fundamentally I have a problem with being yelled at when I can't work out whats wrong. So babies were never going to be a good thing for me.

another hater of the newborn stage. DS1 is nearly 2 and is a total riot - love hanging out with him and dealing with his epic little problems. DS2 is 3 weeks and is a (very cute) slog of screaming, feeding, cleaning and sleep deprivation. Would love to fastforward the first months of his life.

I hated pregnancy and was in a terrible state when they were tiny. Now DD2 is 9 months old and she's great fun, despite being into everything, pulling phones off chargers, finding crumbs I didn't know we had and eating shoes.

I was adamant that two was enough. I'm fat, 41 and skint. But...but..I found myself lingering over the newborn nappies in Boots yesterday...

I'm enjoying the new baby stage but this is largely because I don't have to leave the house apart from DD2's school run which is 2 minutes walk. If I had to do anything as well as caring for DS I'd be a lot more stressed- next week (half term) we have DS's 6wk check, dentist for us all and a clinic appointment for DD1 on three consecutive days and I'm not looking forward to it at all.
Cosleeping means sleep disturbance is merely awful rather than hideous. He's not a screamer and is content as long as he's being held (sling is my friend).
My favourite age is around three. You can really see how they've become interesting little people :)

I hated it. It was exhausting, agonising and isolating. And you can't really talk about it to anyone because its not the done thing and everyone expects you to be so happy.

I have four years between my DCs because it took that long to convince myself to have another baby. There won't be any more because I can't do that again.

Now my youngest is 3 the world is a much brighter and happier place.

I didn't enjoy it. My mum thinks babies are wonderful, and it made me feel very guilty that I hated it so much. I don't think it helped that DD would breast refuse, and wouldn't take a bottle of EBM either, so I had to spoon feed EBM in to her mouth. Then although she weaned herself, she was a lousy slow small quantity eater. This drove me to the point of wanting to kill myself, frankly, and it did affect my bond with her. Now she is at school, eats faster and although I still have to feed her, mealtimes are no longer the sheer hell that they used to be. She is a lovely funny, charming, creative intelligent articulate little person, and brings so much joy to be and my family.
To other baby haters, with either sleep, eating or loo issues, usually the hell passes, so stick with it!

Oh yes. Other mums can be hell, especially earth mothers and competitive mums too. They all talk shite so ignore ignore ignore. Not easy though when, as a mum, your baby is really your responsibility, as you grew DC for 9 months, so it all gets really personal too....

YANBU. TBH I have found every stage of parenting better than the last.My youngest is 6 now and the eldest 17.he is learning to drive and we are visiting universities, it's fab!

TOTALLY agree, dull dull dull. Toddlers and pre-schoolers much mire challenging, but much more fun. But then again, I don't go gooey over babies or love to hold them. Great news I've got another one on the way!

I actually hated it when people told me it would get better. Because it didn't.

0-3 months was great. I loved it.
3-10 months was awful. Exhausting, demoralising, draining and depressing.

Picked up around 10 months when DS started walking and now it's pretty fun though still exhausting as he's not a good sleeper.

I really enjoyed DD2 being a baby more than DD1 - appreciated it more, with DD1 I was always waiting for the next stage and couldn't wait for her to grow up and do more! I don't enjoy the toddler stage though, at all. I am quite enjoying it now with DDs being 7 and 3.5, can go out without pushchairs and they can walk quite far and so on, not so much paraphenalia required. Think I will make the most of this period as they will soon be teenagers

There are awful bits and great bits at every age. Yes I was awake and trying to settle 3wo DD between 4am and 6am this morning, yes she puked down my top (one of about four that I can currently wear due to bit pot belly and BFing) today, yes there are poo stains on our bedroom floor if you know where to look. BUT her little sleepy, pouty just-finished-a-feed expression, her contented breathy sighs and teeny snores, and the way she relaxes when she snuggles into me and hears my heartbeat make the rest all melt away.

I find 2.7yo DD much harder work tbh. A newborn doesn't constantly pick her nose, flounce off to her room when you say she's watched too much CBeebies already today, doesn't take off her own nappies, doesn't throw food on the floor and find it hilarious. Babies just need cuddles, milk, nappy changes, and I can do all those things without too much difficulty. But then again, I can't have hilarious and surreal conversations with a newborn, she doesn't make up jokes that are funny because they don't make sense, she doesn't tell me I'm the loveliest Mummy in the World.

It's swings and roundabouts, and YANBU to not enjoy it or prefer other stages, but YABU to assume everyone feels the same way. I think there's a rose-tinted glasses element though, when you ask parents of older children about the baby stage. And once you're on to your second child or more, I think you appreciate it more because you know how fleeting it is.

I love holding babies and cuddling them, but have no wish to do it all again myself. Plus my pelvic floor is quite good now :) I like being an aunty to my friends' new babies. Then give them back.