You are depriving a village of it's idiot...

[OhlimpPricks]

And others. There was a thread a couple of years back where everybody gave their best one-liners, and scathing put downs. Can't find it, but maybe it's time for a new one [hgrin]

I have a lovely relationship with my boss, and we banter back and forth, the more evil and rude the better.

Help - I'm running out of retorts. The ruder the better!

if your IQ were 10 points higher you'd be a pot plant

He's been working with glue too much

You could always fall back on the fail safe "I know you are but what am I?"

What are you going to do for a face when King Kong wants his bum back?

The best part of you dribbled down your dad's leg.

No. It's not cold in here. Your cock really is that small.

You were at the front of the queue when they handed out brain power - shame you held the door open for everyone else

A few of my faves:

• Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• Look at all the fucks I give! (Accompanied by widespread arms and a )
• Hasn't got two brain cells to rub together.
• Are you on glue? (Comeback to almost any stupid statement)
• [About a bad singer] I make better music when I fart in an empty room.
• That's what your Mum/Dad said last night! (not really a put down but still funny in a juvenile way if used correctly - and especially satisfying to say this to smug bastards.)

Celebrity put downs are the best! Have a look at this

A favourite of mine is "Are these yours?" accompanied by 'rummaging' through your pockets or bag then producing the v's.

If I wanted your opinion I'd have given it to you.

It's not often that you're right, but you're wrong again!

Everyone's allowed to be thick at times but you abuse the privilege.

I'm sorry, my fault, I forgot I was dealing with an idiot.

Actually, admitting you're a moron is the first step.

I see you're playing stupid again, looks like you're winning too.

The only problem with you is: that you breathe.

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.

What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

He's heard that ignorance is bliss, and he's gone away to have an orgasm.

I'd like to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Do your gums bleed every 28 days?

If I gave a shit, you would be the first person I would give it to

Years ago workman shouted to my friend 'oi love come over here and sit on my face' she shouted back 'why is your nose bigger than your dick'.

His mates fell about laughing at him!

Note to self....never get into a battle of words with Sallyingforth

One more brain cell and you'd be pond life.

I may be drunk but you are ugly, and at least in the morning I'll be sober.

Sure it was CHurchill who used that one and many lioke it.

You've got a face only a mother could love .

When you were born the midwife slapped your mum.

When people stopped your mother to look at her new baby they peered at you and said 'ooh what a beautiful pram'

You never had any friends and when you were little you had a pork chop tied to you so the dogs would play with you .

You've had more pricks than a second hand dart board

I'm only this fat because every time I shag your boyfriend he gives me a biscuit.

Poor you, the wheel's still turning but the hamsters' dead.

Tell your dad I was asking for him.

Do you know what would look really good on you... a paperbag!

Crying with laughter at these.
Especially like the "Are these yours?" Dawn.

I've always liked (in reply to a particularly sarcastic comment, but it must be said in a jolly way); "Ooh! Back in the knife drawer, Miss Sharp!" Works best when said to a man...

Shakespeare had insults down to a fine art.

This tool is great for creating new put downs.

One for mrs Rhett Butler as she said she works in a pub

What's the difference between a gynaecologist and a barmaid?

gynaecologist only has to look at one cunt at a time...

really useful when blokes in the pub are trying to 'impress' with crap or sexist jokes, and you can be away down the bar before they realise what you have called them

Ooooh sausage! That's fab they'll love that where I work, I can't wait to use that! Thanks

I am going to have to keep this thread open on another window on my PC at work.
They are fab! Off sick at the moment with the flu, they are really cheering me up, thanks! Can't wait to get back to work and try them out!