in hating the post parents evening - bragging by some parents?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I understand that if little Jonny is in all the top sets you are going to be overjoyed to hear that - but don't bloody stealth brag/ interogate my dd in the playground by asking her "Are you in all the top sets like [little Jonny] is [bigmouth dd1]?" after I have failed to relate the precise details of dd progress when you ask. She/he is doing fine is the most I will say in general sfter my kids parent's evenings and that is all I want to hear from others really.

Fortunately dd answered by saying she had been in rectangle which she hated but now she is in spheres which is ok and that enlightened little Jonny's mum not one bit.

I also hate the 'My little star is doing so well- just been to parents evening - proud mummy!!' style fb updates. I just am not comfortable with it especially from parents I like and thought were beyong that sort of braggy-ness.

Or am I being a sourpuss?

[Cakecrumbsinmybra]

YANBU, I would find that really annoying too. Haven't heard anyone doing it, but I would quickly leave the conversation if I did. I feel really proud inside, but I don't find the need to tell others, unless a very good friend asks how DC are getting on.

The FB status's like that I find really, really cringey.

[TwinkleReturns]

Slight tangent but it is relevant, honest [hgrin]

I think the braggy sort of parents are emerging at toddler group. I have started getting v wound up by the group of mums that sit by the craft table and loudly debate the brand of humous they buy for their DCs and how many times their darling Humphrey has counted to three (aged 13mo or some other such ridiculous age).

I think by the time DD is school aged I shall be at a very low point of tolerance for the braggyness mentioned in the OP!!

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

There's one parent like this at ds2 school.
My DH said last year she would be so much happier if the parents evenings were held altogether so she could hear everyone else's, she spends so much time asking!
The day after our parents evening, DH went to pick up ds2. Normally he goes to after school club but sometimes DH finishes early and picks him up.
She came rushing up to him in the playground and said "ooh mrTabtrums haven't seen you for ages. How was parents evening? Did you get ds2 SATS results? What table is he on now? Has he been behaving well? What reading book has he got?

My DH looked at her and said "sorry, I don't actually know who you are"
So she said of course you do, I'm xs mum, MiniTantrums and x play together all the time

So DH said, well considering I still don't know who you are, I won't be discussing my sons report with you. But feel free to ask the teacher if you are concerned. Oh look here he is, shall I call him over for you? Maybe he can make a list of everyone's SATS results and send it to you, save you asking everyone?

She scuttled off.

The next time I saw her she asked if DH was ok as he seemed a bit upset the other day

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

tbh - this mother has a nasty habit of bragging/ interogating but I have yet to rise to the bait - I need a form of words to express to her how inappropriate what she says/ asks is but am not sure she would 'hear' it she has a brass neck.

I once did a bad brag - when ds was in yr 1 and I had been really worried about his progress I was so pleased by what the teacher had said about him that I told a good friend the details when we were having tea. She very wisely replied "I am sure your Mum and in-laws would love to hear about that" pointedly implying she did not need to - I learned from that - maybe a similar statement would help little jonny's mum - but I somehow doubt it.

[101handbags]

I am absolutely fascinated by the all the bragging parents I see amongst my friends. I don't have any children but when my DP and I visit one particular friend and her DP and two DDs (they live a long way away in Cornwall so we always have to stay over) we find it absolutely impossible to get them to talk about anything else except the children. Believe me, we have tried and tried but anything that's said, any topic, any train of converstation, it always leads back to the children. We just have a good laugh about it afterwards. I think I am so fascinated because I was brought up by parents who absolutely hated to brag, never showed off about me (thank goodness) and always on parents' evening went to visit those teachers who taught the subjects I was worst at, which does make sense.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

101 - they sound like terrible bores - hopefully they will grow out of it - as the children get older.

I have to say I go overboard in trying not to be a mumsy bore when with childfree friends - probably to the extent they forget I have kids!

[101handbags]

I hope they do grow out of it - the children are still quite young. Don't get me wrong, I do like hearing about their achievements etc. but just not all the time and to the detriment of everything else. I wish she would ask what have you been up to, where have you been on holiday, how are your family etc. I am not the sort of person that really likes to talk much about myself and my achievements unless asked so I suppose if you have a bragger and a non-bragger in conversation, it's obvious which one will win out... Maybe I just need to try harder!!

[EmmelineGoulden]

The FB updates - so long as they don't make all their updates like that - just seems like they are happy about their child. I don't think there's anything wrong with parents being happy when their kids excel at something and wanting to share with their friends - seems kind of natural.

But interrogating other parents in the playground is rude and rather nasty. I assume they are either trying to one-up other parents or, worse, see which DCs are still "suitable" friends. Really awful.

[gordyslovesheep]

YABU I am proud of my kids - and I will say so

I never discuss it with other parents but I did say it on FB yesterday.

dd1 - year 5 - working to 5b in maths and lit bite me !

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

to be fair Emmaline I bet the FB updates would not have been so irritaing if I hadn't still been bristling at [little Jonny's] mum, she really riled me and I didn't want to start a playground argument - which is why MN is my rant arena - thanks mn

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Fair enuff Gordy your daughter is doing really well and you are proud.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I think it is really awful to be nosy about other kids at school, or to brag generally in the playground.

BUT - I am surprised at your friend telling you that she wasn't interested in hearing about your DC.
I am always really pleased to hear how friend's children are getting on, and progress after you'd been worried would be a lovely thing to hear about. I don't mean minutiae - grades etc, but a gist.

[WildWorld2004]

Last year i was so chuffed with my DDs report that i told everyone and anyone who would listen.

I knew i was being a twat though but just couldnt help myself

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Ali - that is kind of you - and I think a more general 'he is doing really well and I thought he was struggling' would have been fine but I was mentioning something more specific (the dreaded G&T which he isn't especially it was the judgement of an overkeen teacher) and it was not I think a good idea in retrospect. But maybe my friend was harsh and I am now oversensitive - such a thorny issue

[Fayrazzled]

IME, it is usually the parents who brag loudly in the playground or who try and elicit details of your own child's progress who are most insecure about how their children are progressing.

A good friend of mine is always telling me how well her children are getting on at school, how good they are, how pleased the teacher is with them etc etc ad nauseaum. It is a bore.

[VonScareBurton]

Oh we have the ultimate in bragging parents at ds's school. Unfortunatley their son is in ds's class and they often walk out of school together chatting away or kicking a ball around so she gravitates towards me and tells me how they will be taking 'term time off again this year - ds is so ahead with his studies we really would be silly to pay full prices' I silently fume whilst she contines on about his prowess in football/golf/swimming bla fucking bla.

The child is such a sweetie - God only knows how as the parents are vile, arrogant pgs with zero social skills.

[VonScareBurton]

pigs not pgs (typing too quickly as annoyed....)

[Anonymumous]

I must admit, I did gloat once. [hblush] But only because this other Mum was always going on about how clever her son was compared to mine, and how immature my DS1 was. Then at the end of Year 2, DS1 got three Level 3s in his SATS and her son got... one! HA HA HA, UP YOURS!!!!!!! (Sorry, but it would have been criminal not to gloat over that one!)

[Fishlaar]

A mum I've known since my DD's primary school time has done the educational bragging thing all through secondary, sixth form and uni.

Thankfully it can now be a couple of years between bumping into her but now her youngest has left uni it'll be interesting to see what she talks about. It used to be incredibly irritating but now I just find it a bit sad and amusing.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Anony - sounds like you had just cause... I just don't get that mind set - criticising and obsessively comparing primary age children who knows what they will be like as teens when their results actually mean more. My ds struggled at first as he is aug born and very precious sensitive so very easily discouraged, he is much happier now and that is so much more important than how many levels he is getting. But is anyone interested in that?

[SusanneLinder]

YABU- I have VERY talented children and I don't care who knows it. You lot are just jealous :o



Disclaimer-tongue in cheek,before I get hate mail[hgrin]

[3LittleHens]

Anonymumous - good for you, I hope it made her stop belittling your son and in-turn belittle you as well.

I've got an extremely competitive friend who literally goes on and on and on about how super intelligent her son is, and has put my son down on a few occasions. She's even done it in front of both of them. It really winds me up, and I have tried to do the same to her and tell her how well my son's doing, but it doesn't come easily to me and I make myself cringe and I know I do it feebly.

Her son has recently started going to a private school, so I now have to listen to how 'he is really reaching his full potential now, it's just soooo amazing blah blah blah.' I probably sound very jealous, but I am honestly not, I just hate having my nose rubbed in it every single time I see her.

Her son is actually very intelligent, so why bother bragging in the first place. He had in the range of 150-200 words at the age of 16 months (it was spokey he was like a mini me). Her much older daughter flunked at school, so I guess that's probably her big insecurity behind it all.

Anyway he can't ride a bike yet and he's nearly 7!! (Sorry, a low down joke I know but couldn't help it and it's just made me laugh!).

[ll31]

think your friend was really rude tbh why wouldn't you discuss children with friends.

[VodkaJelly]

One friend on face book was bragging about her primary school son being - Reader of the Week - complete with picture of his certificate. Now that is bragging!!

[badmumalert]

My DD is a high achiever academically and outside of mumsnet I would die if anyone thought I was bragging so I generally don't discuss it. What does surprise me is that other parents do comment on her ability and I find myself recoiling from the conversation. I was asked yesterday as it happens and I just said I'd prefer not to talk about it.

My DS is closer to average and his teacher has told me how he compares to the wider group. I don't need to go around asking other parents and children. However, other mums do comment that he must be at the lower end being one of the younger boys in the class; I let them carry on thinking that.

I did however do a FB boast about DD getting a special award at school because it wasn't about academic ability and I hoped my friends would know I wasn't being a monstrous bragger.