in hating the post parents evening - bragging by some parents?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I understand that if little Jonny is in all the top sets you are going to be overjoyed to hear that - but don't bloody stealth brag/ interogate my dd in the playground by asking her "Are you in all the top sets like [little Jonny] is [bigmouth dd1]?" after I have failed to relate the precise details of dd progress when you ask. She/he is doing fine is the most I will say in general sfter my kids parent's evenings and that is all I want to hear from others really.

Fortunately dd answered by saying she had been in rectangle which she hated but now she is in spheres which is ok and that enlightened little Jonny's mum not one bit.

I also hate the 'My little star is doing so well- just been to parents evening - proud mummy!!' style fb updates. I just am not comfortable with it especially from parents I like and thought were beyong that sort of braggy-ness.

Or am I being a sourpuss?

[Spatsky]

I have a Facebook friend that actually typed out her daughters report comments word for word into her status. That was going a tad far IMO.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I think I just find FB updates about kids - generally - a bit dull. I would rather read ones about the person and what they are doing, current affairs, stupid links to amusing stories and music releases,gigs etc. - but that is a personal preference. I tend to hide all the boring/ twee updaters and they probably hide mine too much wierd music

[gordyslovesheep]

I think if you see being proud of your kids as bragging that also shows a level of insecurity :) :) :) :)

At least it makes a change for FB posts about Bejeweled Blitz or 'funny' cats

FB is full of inane drivel

[echt]

While I agree that the noseying into other parents' DCs' progress is not on, I don't see why they shouldn't crow about their own DC on Facebook. Isn't that what it's for?

Disclaimer: I do not have a Facebook account.

[simonedeboudoir]

YANBU at all. At all. I hate that behaviour in parents.

We're all proud of our children. Who all have their own talents, strengths and interests

Try not to let it annoy you. Bragging is a sign of deep insecurity

[youarewinning]

YANBU.

However my DS is brilliant at handling these situations. No-one asks anymore since they were 6yo and 1 mum bought it up in the playground. DS got verbal dioherrea and annouced (something along the lines of)...............

"yes Johnnie is doing well in English because I'm in the bottom group and have help and he's in the group above me. I am in top maths group and Johnnie is the group below me but I'm above average so he's still doing well. I don't mind about Johnnie being better at English than me because Mrs X says I work really hard. I thinks its better that I never lose my golden time like Johnnie always does and I never need shouting at even though he's better at English"

[DeWe]

Dd1 used to dance with a girl whose dm was convinced that her dds were brilliant. One day her #1 had got her reading book out of her bag, and another girl picked it up.
"Don't worry," this girl's mum said. "You won't be able to read it. Dd is a very advanced reader, she's on the top table."
Looks of round the room from other mothers as we knew there was no way she could know how good a reader the other child was (different schools and all that)

My dd2 (two years younger) walked across, looked at the book and without having listened to the conversation proclaimed in ringing tones "I had that book last week for my reading book." (and then proceeded to relate the story to her friend, thus proving she had too)

All done in one sweet sentence. A great put down, and I didn't even need to do my own boasting.

(actually it wasn't that impressive a book, so I was a little surprised the dm thought it was worth waving around)

[badmumalert]

My DD is a high achiever academically and outside of mumsnet I would die if anyone thought I was bragging so I generally don't discuss it. What does surprise me is that other parents do comment on her ability and I find myself recoiling from the conversation. I was asked yesterday as it happens and I just said I'd prefer not to talk about it.

My DS is closer to average and his teacher has told me how he compares to the wider group. I don't need to go around asking other parents and children. However, other mums do comment that he must be at the lower end being one of the younger boys in the class; I let them carry on thinking that.

I did however do a FB boast about DD getting a special award at school because it wasn't about academic ability and I hoped my friends would know I wasn't being a monstrous bragger.

[VodkaJelly]

One friend on face book was bragging about her primary school son being - Reader of the Week - complete with picture of his certificate. Now that is bragging!!

[ll31]

think your friend was really rude tbh why wouldn't you discuss children with friends.

[3LittleHens]

Anonymumous - good for you, I hope it made her stop belittling your son and in-turn belittle you as well.

I've got an extremely competitive friend who literally goes on and on and on about how super intelligent her son is, and has put my son down on a few occasions. She's even done it in front of both of them. It really winds me up, and I have tried to do the same to her and tell her how well my son's doing, but it doesn't come easily to me and I make myself cringe and I know I do it feebly.

Her son has recently started going to a private school, so I now have to listen to how 'he is really reaching his full potential now, it's just soooo amazing blah blah blah.' I probably sound very jealous, but I am honestly not, I just hate having my nose rubbed in it every single time I see her.

Her son is actually very intelligent, so why bother bragging in the first place. He had in the range of 150-200 words at the age of 16 months (it was spokey he was like a mini me). Her much older daughter flunked at school, so I guess that's probably her big insecurity behind it all.

Anyway he can't ride a bike yet and he's nearly 7!! (Sorry, a low down joke I know but couldn't help it and it's just made me laugh!).

[SusanneLinder]

YABU- I have VERY talented children and I don't care who knows it. You lot are just jealous :o



Disclaimer-tongue in cheek,before I get hate mail[hgrin]

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Anony - sounds like you had just cause... I just don't get that mind set - criticising and obsessively comparing primary age children who knows what they will be like as teens when their results actually mean more. My ds struggled at first as he is aug born and very precious sensitive so very easily discouraged, he is much happier now and that is so much more important than how many levels he is getting. But is anyone interested in that?

[Fishlaar]

A mum I've known since my DD's primary school time has done the educational bragging thing all through secondary, sixth form and uni.

Thankfully it can now be a couple of years between bumping into her but now her youngest has left uni it'll be interesting to see what she talks about. It used to be incredibly irritating but now I just find it a bit sad and amusing.

[Anonymumous]

I must admit, I did gloat once. [hblush] But only because this other Mum was always going on about how clever her son was compared to mine, and how immature my DS1 was. Then at the end of Year 2, DS1 got three Level 3s in his SATS and her son got... one! HA HA HA, UP YOURS!!!!!!! (Sorry, but it would have been criminal not to gloat over that one!)

[VonScareBurton]

pigs not pgs (typing too quickly as annoyed....)

[VonScareBurton]

Oh we have the ultimate in bragging parents at ds's school. Unfortunatley their son is in ds's class and they often walk out of school together chatting away or kicking a ball around so she gravitates towards me and tells me how they will be taking 'term time off again this year - ds is so ahead with his studies we really would be silly to pay full prices' I silently fume whilst she contines on about his prowess in football/golf/swimming bla fucking bla.

The child is such a sweetie - God only knows how as the parents are vile, arrogant pgs with zero social skills.

[Fayrazzled]

IME, it is usually the parents who brag loudly in the playground or who try and elicit details of your own child's progress who are most insecure about how their children are progressing.

A good friend of mine is always telling me how well her children are getting on at school, how good they are, how pleased the teacher is with them etc etc ad nauseaum. It is a bore.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Ali - that is kind of you - and I think a more general 'he is doing really well and I thought he was struggling' would have been fine but I was mentioning something more specific (the dreaded G&T which he isn't especially it was the judgement of an overkeen teacher) and it was not I think a good idea in retrospect. But maybe my friend was harsh and I am now oversensitive - such a thorny issue

[WildWorld2004]

Last year i was so chuffed with my DDs report that i told everyone and anyone who would listen.

I knew i was being a twat though but just couldnt help myself

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I think it is really awful to be nosy about other kids at school, or to brag generally in the playground.

BUT - I am surprised at your friend telling you that she wasn't interested in hearing about your DC.
I am always really pleased to hear how friend's children are getting on, and progress after you'd been worried would be a lovely thing to hear about. I don't mean minutiae - grades etc, but a gist.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Fair enuff Gordy your daughter is doing really well and you are proud.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

to be fair Emmaline I bet the FB updates would not have been so irritaing if I hadn't still been bristling at [little Jonny's] mum, she really riled me and I didn't want to start a playground argument - which is why MN is my rant arena - thanks mn

[gordyslovesheep]

YABU I am proud of my kids - and I will say so

I never discuss it with other parents but I did say it on FB yesterday.

dd1 - year 5 - working to 5b in maths and lit bite me !

[EmmelineGoulden]

The FB updates - so long as they don't make all their updates like that - just seems like they are happy about their child. I don't think there's anything wrong with parents being happy when their kids excel at something and wanting to share with their friends - seems kind of natural.

But interrogating other parents in the playground is rude and rather nasty. I assume they are either trying to one-up other parents or, worse, see which DCs are still "suitable" friends. Really awful.