To feel sorry for any woman who has to work with this doctor?

[RevoltingPeasant]

In a clinic yesterday with the consultant, who is explaining the complex thing that has gone wrong with my kidneys.

Him: I'll just show the scans on the screen. I'm going to talk you through these - you're a very bright girl, you'll be able to understand.

Me: ....!

Him: That's not meant to be patronising, but I think you're bright enough to understand this.

Me:

I mean really, I actually thought it was rather funny in an awful way, but htf does someone like this function in an environment where they must have to deal with women colleagues? Is this just him or is this some kind of bizarre sexist hierarchy which only operates in hospitals?

Having spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals in the past, I can report that I have been patronised by both male and female doctors. All that education seems to have an unfortunate effect on the size of their heads. However, I do believe that they are generally well-meaning but struggle not to put their own feet in their mouths.

I hate being called 'mum' - it makes me think the HCP has forgotten my name. This does not reassure me that they know my DC's name.

I am fucking shit with names. I'm a PICU reg. I rememer tiny things about my paients and their families but I am sodding awful with names. I don't remeber names of people I work with. I do remember names of the babies andn children I look after though. I don't call parents 'mum' and 'dad' but I do say 'are you Sophie's mum?' and 'this is Charlie's daddy'. Once I have had a chance to get to know you I will use your name and I do do my best but I admit I am appaling at remembering names. I know mums and dads hate it and I know it is a huge failing on my part and I do my very best to not piss everyone off but seeing as I don't remember the names of half the people I work with (and get along well with and go out for a drink after work and so on - yes, I still struggle!) please don't take it personally - it's just my stupid brain!

sally, I don't mind being "minipip's mum" - that's fine IMO. It's "mum" on it's own that I hate.

Same here sallysparrow.
I can remember every diagnosis of each patient in a 40 bedded ward and their reasons for admission but names I am absolutely rubbish with - complete mental block.
The move to stop calling patients "love" ,"dear" etc because it was considered patronising was a nightmare for me - and the patients I looked after, I imagine because in reality, as a patient, I would prefer to be called love or dear than called by the wrong name completely - very worrying.
We're human too.

WTF is wrong with people? I have just started a HCP degree and our first month of the course has been a module on communication. The first part of the first lecture was learning how to introduce ourselves politely and with respect for service users, e.g. Hello my name is Inga and I'm the nurse that will be caring for you today, how do you prefer to be addressed, Mr Smith or John?

Surely to heckle if they can teach us lowly nurses and midwives during our 3 year course they could squeeze it into a Drs 5 year course?

Yes, I can do that bit MsInga - the bit I struggle with is remembering it once they've told me - along with the other 39 patients I've also introduced myself to.
Plus all the other odds and sods I need to remember during the course of the shift.

I do know what you mean about remembering, I am truly dreadful myself I really was referring to some Drs who don't bother to either speak directly to their patients or learn their names in the first place. That's rude and arrogant. Forgetting is human :)

The nurse who gave DS his vaccinations referred to me constantly as "mum". Do this mum, do that mum - it was weird. She was a good bit younger than me and it felt very, very patronising. I noticed at the baby clinic the HVs did it too. Somehow that bothered me less. The HVs gave the impression if barely knowing what day it was let alone patients' names. But the nurse, in a 1 on 1 situation - just wrong.

I'm good at remembering patient's names but it can be a struggle remembering all their relative's names. I'm an adult nurse though, so it's not as apparent I suppose. Children's doctors and nurses have at least two or three names to remember per patient. People do get huffy when you forget their names and ask for them again so I can see why Mum might be tempting sometimes just to avoid that and get on with whatever you're actually there to tell them or do. Obviously that will backfire and annoy people too.

I think the problem is that everyone has likes and dislikes about what they would like to be called. I recently read a paper in which they examined how midwives addressed their clients. It noted that if a female was young, the midwife called her girl, and if she was older, she became lady. The conclusion was that to save offence, midwives should use the term woman. All I could think was how much I hate the term woman. I would much rather be girl or lady.

I've also been for investigations with young dd and saw how much more relaxed she was with the person who referred to me as mum, compared to the people who referred to me as Mrs aimum. She was only 3 at the time though and if she was older then maybe it would have been different.

Now I did complain about the PICU reg who continually referred to my daughter as 'sausage', to the point where even DD1, who was dying at the time, told her, 'My name is not Sausage.'

'But a person who we have seen hundreds of times not bothering to make a note of our names is an entirely different matter.'

This. As I said, we lived in one unit for nearly 8 months. And I mean, lived. 'Mum' was very prevalent among some of the staff.

No, I appreciate that when your child has been seeing them for a long time it's a completely different situation.

The odd one, fair enough, but she did this night after night. Until Aillidh herself told her, 'My name is Aillidh, not sausage,' in her best, low, East Coast Scottish cutting voice.

OMG - just looked at this again today and it had gone from 11 to 94 comments

For the record, the dr in question is about 42 or 43, I would guess. Just as that seems to come up a lot........

I'm only 41 (batts eyelashes).

what's with your kidneys? I'm all up for a renal moan if you fancy. I'm having a nephrotic relapse at the moment, what are yours up to?

They don't know! He did some surgery on me a year - cue readmission for 2 x emergency ops when it went wrong - cue much head-scratching and endless, endless tests.

Cannot get pg as have to have regular nuclear renograms and renal xrays

Oddly enough I am not hacked off about the surgery going wrong but I am annoyed at being spoken to like a 5yo!

I work with 18 and 19yos for a living and would never call any of them 'a very bright girl'. But yes, I recognise I am massively chippy

Also, shutting up now, but just have to say I am at people saying things like Well at least he was explaining.

He is a consultant - in a clinic. Explaining stuff to patients is his job. He gets paid a lot for it.

I had a basic kidney problem which is usually sortable with 1 op diagnosed in 2009. 2009! It is now nearly 2013, my op was put off multiple times, it failed when it did happen and the consultant won't/ can't tell me why, they have screwed up multiple times like admitting me for surgery under GA and then waking me up with the news that there was no bed for me (etc, etc!). The guy can at least talk to patients like a professional!

Anyhow, toddles off to get a life!

Well, at least he caught himself out and apologised. A lot of people wouldn't. And I've had to work for them.

Fair enough, RP.

[remembers months of my inner self screaming, 'My name is NOT Mum!']