To feel sorry for any woman who has to work with this doctor?

[RevoltingPeasant]

In a clinic yesterday with the consultant, who is explaining the complex thing that has gone wrong with my kidneys.

Him: I'll just show the scans on the screen. I'm going to talk you through these - you're a very bright girl, you'll be able to understand.

Me: ....!

Him: That's not meant to be patronising, but I think you're bright enough to understand this.

Me:

I mean really, I actually thought it was rather funny in an awful way, but htf does someone like this function in an environment where they must have to deal with women colleagues? Is this just him or is this some kind of bizarre sexist hierarchy which only operates in hospitals?

expat 'Anytime I was referred to as 'Mum' by those treating my child I would state plainly, 'My apologies for not having the opportunity to properly introduce myself, my name is Mrs Expat. It's a pleasure to meet you' and look directly at them'

As a student I got told to always say Mum!!! Until you were certain that baby X's mum was Mrs X, miss Y or MS ABC, or just introduced herself as loopy lou, baby x's mum!!

I am determined that, when a doctor calls me Rule, I will call him by the first name on his label. I won't call him 'Doctor X'.

If I'm ever in hospital, I would prefer to be known as Mrs Britannia, not Rule. Long live respect - if it's not dead yet.

I have to admit that I call women older than me girls. Don't know why. Just a turn of phrase. I certainly wouldn't judge him on the basis of this alone. I had one lively consultant who called me 'dearie' or 'lovie' - he called all the men ''chap' or 'mate'. He certainly wasn't sexist and treated me according to my ability and experience. He just couldn't remember our names!

I did however have a particularly nasty sexist consultant who as a medical student during a placement told me and three other female students that he was pleased that we had to do overnight shifts as it 'would show us girls that medicine was actually hard work'. To the single bloke there, he offered to excuse him this compulsory segment as he was part of the rugby team and 'we need our boys to be at their best'. FairPlay to the guy he refused. This exchange was overheard, he was reported and lost his educational supervisor role and the extra payment that goes with it

'As a student I got told to always say Mum!!! Until you were certain that baby X's mum was Mrs X, miss Y or MS ABC, or just introduced herself as loopy lou, baby x's mum!!'

That's why I would say what I did. And I never said, 'A's Mum' because it encourages the lazy unprofessionalism that it addressing an adult who is not your mother as 'Mum'.

Like MrsDeVere, I grew tired of it very soon after my daughter's treatment began, particularly as my child was inpatient for a number of months. I had lazy, unprofessional juniors who saw us daily for months still try it on. 'What does Mum think?' to which I would respond, 'I have no idea, as I am not your mother.'

The excuse was, 'We have so many patients'. Well, having worked in the legal field for years, I saw hundreds of my bosses' clients, but was never allowed to call them 'Client' because it is lazy and unprofessional.

Her consultant has seen thousands of patients over the course of many years and never once referred to me as 'Mum'. She gave her name and then asked, 'How would you prefer to be addressed?' Simple. Professional.

But then, she probably had years of being referred to as a 'girl' since she became a doctor in the 1970s and, having seen it myself, some men still refer to women as 'girls'.

I work with parents and always find out the parents' names before seeing them and call them by their names when I speak to them. I expect them to call me by my first name too so it feels like an equal relationship. I don't have children but I think I would hate being called 'mum' by anyone except my DC! I'm glad I do this now I've heard how bad it makes parents feel to be called 'mum' by a professional.

To be fair, I have worked with plenty of female doctors who are all perfectly horrid to each other.

Oh, I don't doubt that in the least, plus3. I would not want to cross my child's consultant - all staff did their best not to, either :o.

On these threads it always confuses me as to why people think its a choice between good manners & good medicine?! For example, ' I'd rather my doctor could heal me than have a good bedside manner' type of thinking.

I dont think it's too much to ask to have both, good manners & basic 'people skills' don't over write the bit of the brain that has the medical expertise in it :)

What about the skill it takes to Listen to the patient describing her symptoms... And asking the right questions & hearing the answers to be able to make a good diagnosis? Kind of key, right? And v much about people.

I think some doctors hide behind this kind of thinking to remain arrogant supercilious god- like egotists... And do a worse job because if it

I have known well spoken people who are thicker than shit.

I think you are looking for something that wasnt there. And over reacting.

Chances are, though, he was in fact a sexist, patronising git - he wouldn't be the first such consultant

Neatly summed up by libelulle

It sounds to me like he just put his foot in his mouth, and then tried to apologise for it. He did appear to realise that he'd said the wrong thing - and who hasn't at some point? At least he was trying to explain the scan to you.

I wouldn't have been offended at the term girl as long as he realised that we should address each other as equals.

I agree with RuleBritannia - can't stand my first name being used by hospital staff whatever their role unless I have specifically invited them to use my first name. Recalls occasion when I was called by first name and said to the doctor "oh, I'm so sorry but I didn't catch your name", "it's doctor Bloggs dear", "then I think it's Mrs Inwhite".

Like Expat I detested the being called "mum" but my response to "are you mum" used to be "no - I have the full power of speech but my name's Mrs Inwhite please".

Personally I think it is an equality issue - if I am not invited to use the doctor's first name, I don't expect mine to be used but that extends far beyond the doctor to the many other staff in the NHS, for example receptionists who will tell me my apt is with Dr or Mr or even Mrs Bloggs but insist on using my first name. Why, I am not subordinate to the doctor or any other member of staff? As such I expect to addressed as the doctor's equal. It is about institutionalised subordination of the patient or their carer and in my opinion it is representative of all that is wrong in the NHS in relation to patient care.

"girl" would wind me up. I'd be tempted to refer to him as a "boy" in return :o

"if I am not invited to use the doctor's first name, I don't expect mine to be used"

Absolutely. As adults you are either on first-name terms or you're not.

I have the pleasure of attending meetings at my local maternity unit in my role as a user representative.....

The hierarchy within the NHS would drive me potty - the midwives all call each other and are referred to by the doctors by their first names, the female consultant is called and referred to by her first name....the male consultants - with one exception (the one who has the best reputation for giving woman-centered care) are all called and referred to as Mr Smith, Mr Jones etc

Except by me - it's first name terms all round or we'll revert to Mr, Mrs, Miss, Doctor, Reverend whatever.....

'Like Expat I detested the being called "mum" but my response to "are you mum" used to be "no - I have the full power of speech but my name's Mrs Inwhite please".'

I'd give them a puzzled look, cock my head to the site and say, 'Why, no. I'm Mrs Expat.'

At least he bothered to explain, despite his patronising sexist ways. Some of them don't.

I think you're looking for sexism where it doesn't exist. He realised what he said and apologised. It takes a decent person to backtrack and admit they opened their mouth and inserted their foot.

On a slightly side-issue- what's with your kidneys? I'm all up for a renal moan if you fancy. I'm having a nephrotic relapse at the moment, what are yours up to?

For several years my DD was under the care of a consultant who was generally lovely but he could be oh so patronising at times.

Her treatment involved an ever-changing combination of drugs administered at home by me and the dosage was altered weekly according to her blood test results.

One week I asked said consultant if he would write down the dosage for me as I wasn't sure if I'd remember it (and tbh at that stage just didn't have my head together sufficiently to bring a pen and paper with me to the hospital).

He gave me a withering look and said, "Yes I'll write it down for you - I assume you can tell the white tablets from the yellow ones?"

Another gem from same doctor. When he asked how I managed to get a three year old to swallow so many tablets, I told him I dissolved them in a little lemonade or coke.

His response?

"They won't dissolve. They will however form an emulsion."

Oh, yy, the juniors often went by their first names. So I'd use mine with them.

Consultant, all but two nurses who trained with her did not use her first name. You had to be invited. Believe me, she is very well-worthy of respect.

One day I went to her room to ask her something and she whipped out her pass, which still read 'Dr' although she is 'Professor'. I said, 'Professor, that should really be changed,' and she smiled at me and said, 'And you should stop calling me Professor.' I had arrived! :o