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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my wedding has been usurped....

90 replies

Vincenza · 23/10/2012 10:53

I got engaged 4 weeks ago. My fiance's brother got engaged 2 weeks later. We have now set our wedding date and we are getting married in a v. unique and famous venue which has now been booked and deposits paid. Last night it was casually announced to me that the brother and his fiancee are getting married in the same venue a couple of months later.

Our wedding was due to be a v. small and intimate do whereas they are inviting every man and his dog to their's. Apparently it has always been the bride to be's 'dream' since she was a little girl to get married there and I should just suck it up.

Everyone who is attending our wedding will then be attending theirs. I can't help but feel that comparisons will be made whatever. I also know that the couple involved will spend our day sizing up the venue for their big event. I feel that my small wedding is no longer special and will be completely emasculated by theirs.

AIBU to feel this? Nobody asked me specifically if I would mind and I was told the other bride has 'more right' to get married there for various reasons. I just want to change my venue now but I don't think I am going to get anywhere else because it is too short notice. I feel like it's not special anymore....

OP posts:

mrsfuzzy · 23/10/2012 13:10

thanks trills cleared that one up for me as well, thought i was going loopy.

mudipig · 23/10/2012 14:38

Personally I prefer smaller weddings. The crowd usually gels a bit better. They have been thoughtless but I'd just concentrate on your wedding. What I liked about mine was that it was all our closest friends around us in one place at the same time. The venue, food etc really didn't matter at all at the end of the day.

plutocrap · 23/10/2012 14:51

You haven't said the couple themselves were the ones ti tell you all these things. Is someone else in the family stirring with you and egging them on?

quoteunquote · 23/10/2012 14:58

Go on a three month honeymoon back packing around Asia.

Bumblequeen · 23/10/2012 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MyDonkeysAZombie · 23/10/2012 15:26

Your wedding will be lovely and unique to you so please don't let worrying about BIL's big day overshadow your anticipation and excitement.

WelshMaenad · 23/10/2012 15:48

I got married three years ago. The two things people say about my wedding are "the food was really nice" and "every time I looked at you, you were smiling".

Brim with happiness all day. Apparently it makes a bigger impression on guests than anything else.

HerRoyalNotness · 23/10/2012 16:08

You could always wear your wedding dress to their ceremony, that'll take the shine off their venue

I'd not share any further details with them, favours, flowers, music, colour scheme etc.... keep it all quiet, in case they decide to take any more of your idea's.

Inaflap · 23/10/2012 17:06

Could you have a joint wedding? Or do you not get on with them much? I don't think anyone will think it odd. You've got the upper hand because your wedding is first and really, when it comes to the day, it will be lovely and no one's wedding is as lovely as your own. You will also get the chance to enjoy and appreciate the venue more at yours. The only thing I would caution is that if you are marrying in a cathedral and your wedding is small you will be in a side chapel, wheras if her numbers re larger, she might be in the nave.

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 17:11

You could always wear your wedding dress to their ceremony

This is genius.

wannaBe · 23/10/2012 17:13

my cousin booked his honeymoon at the same resort as we did, after we'd booked ours and he got married two weeks before we did. In fact, we saw him leaving as we arrived.

His wife left him 11 weeks later.

Tbh it's just one day.

JustFabulous · 23/10/2012 17:14

If people are comparing in a non favourable way then it says more about them than anyone else.

DH and I were the first grandchildren to get married and had a tiny wedding. The next grandchild wedding was over twice as big (partly due to both bride and groom having family, I didn't) and lasted longer. No one compared. Why would they?

PropertyNightmare · 23/10/2012 17:50

Yanbu to be upset. But it's really not that bad at all when you stand back and look at it. At least you are marrying first. You have the upper hand in that respect. People will enjoy your day for what it is. It would. E far worse of the lavish wedding went first and your more 'budget' wedding looked crap by comparison.

Merrin · 23/10/2012 17:57

Maybe she is insecure and is copying you a bit. If you think its that I suggest you drop hints about your puce colour scheme and pan pipe and oap's signing choir as you roller skate down the beach chased by an Irish wolfhound carrying the ring in an authentic bronze age pot etc

Bogeyface · 23/10/2012 18:09

Go on a three month honeymoon back packing around Asia

I thought that said ASDA! :o

Tbh if I were attending both I would be a bit at the blatant copycatting, especially if it were known that they had changed their venue after you had booked it (and you can make sure people find out that cant you.....)

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