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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my wedding has been usurped....

90 replies

Vincenza · 23/10/2012 10:53

I got engaged 4 weeks ago. My fiance's brother got engaged 2 weeks later. We have now set our wedding date and we are getting married in a v. unique and famous venue which has now been booked and deposits paid. Last night it was casually announced to me that the brother and his fiancee are getting married in the same venue a couple of months later.

Our wedding was due to be a v. small and intimate do whereas they are inviting every man and his dog to their's. Apparently it has always been the bride to be's 'dream' since she was a little girl to get married there and I should just suck it up.

Everyone who is attending our wedding will then be attending theirs. I can't help but feel that comparisons will be made whatever. I also know that the couple involved will spend our day sizing up the venue for their big event. I feel that my small wedding is no longer special and will be completely emasculated by theirs.

AIBU to feel this? Nobody asked me specifically if I would mind and I was told the other bride has 'more right' to get married there for various reasons. I just want to change my venue now but I don't think I am going to get anywhere else because it is too short notice. I feel like it's not special anymore....

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 23/10/2012 11:11

You are being a bit daft. I can kind of see where you're coming from, but you need to pull yourself together. If its very unique and very famous, you're hardly going to be the only one thinking of getting married there.

If i were you, i'd make doubly sure you play to the small, intimate and rather more classy nature of your day, it will be special because of that! If you want to be a bit more snide, you could make some snarky comment about not wanting a tacky, ott wedding with lots of people you don't know....

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 23/10/2012 11:12

Well, if none of your family is attending the wedding, who will be there to compare?

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 11:13

I am also now worried that the reception venue will be replicated as well

So it's just the ceremony? Well in that case, I think the Big Deal is even less so. I think we all assumed form your OP you were on about the WHOLE wedding.

If people would be so cruel as to draw comparisons about your family situations, they're rotters and not worth worrying about anyway.

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 11:13

St Pauls, Worra?

Original poster
Vincenza · 23/10/2012 11:13

Sorry Worra - I would tell but I don't want to out myself and get into even more trouble!

Btw, I am having kids at my wedding. My 9 year son is best man!

OP posts:
Trills · 23/10/2012 11:14

Of course they haven't asked you if you would mind. It is their wedding. Not yours.

Original poster
Vincenza · 23/10/2012 11:16

All of my fiance's family are going and they are going to other one as well!

I know - I should get a grip. I appreciate all your words of advice. I just wanted to check my original reaction wasn't wildly out of the ballpark!

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 23/10/2012 11:16

YABU, getting married is supposed to be about making a lifetime commtment to your partner not ensuring your wedding is better than others.

If you have chosen a famous venue then you must be a little bridezilla if the local church or registry office wasnt good enough for you. Thusands of people have already been married there presumably and many more will after. Unless you do in your own garden you are unlikely to find a one off unique location.

SomethingSuitablyWitty · 23/10/2012 11:17

Actually, if it is just the wedding ceremony I really wouldn't worry at all. I assumed it was the whole thing - or at least the reception and evening. People won't compare either really - not in the way you fear. They'll focus on the wedding in hand each time. Vent here and then forget about it. It'll be beautiful. But maybe do send a subtle message through finacé that you would be surprised and upset if they chose the same reception venue as you'd like the weddings to be not too similar. And relay that asap befoer they book!

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 11:17

Fair enough Blush

Then I shall conclude that you're marrying a donkey live on the Jerry Springer show....even though it's been done before!

Trills · 23/10/2012 11:19

I think they are getting married here

Original poster
Vincenza · 23/10/2012 11:20

Rubbish Worra. I didn't even think of that. Now that would be unique!!

OP posts:
MyCannyBairn · 23/10/2012 11:20

Natural History Museum, a Zoo, Tower Bridge ?

LoveYouForeverMyBaby · 23/10/2012 11:20

Yanbu the other couple have acted completely out of line. Dont tell the b2b what your dress looks like!

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 11:21

With the wedding reception Here?

freddiefrog · 23/10/2012 11:22

I can understand why you're pissed off.

We went to look at a venue that I'd always loved and took some friends with us (yeah, I should have realised), they were there when we were discussing dates with the wedding organiser (we had a particular date in mind as it was the 10th anniversary of us getting together).

Less than a week later the announced their wedding date - the date they had heard us discussing with the wedding organiser, and the venue - the very same one they'd been to view with us.

It felt like they'd nicked our entire wedding, I was so pissed off.

All our mutual friends knew it was a venue we were looking at and knew we'd been planning that date since we announced our engagement 2 months previously so most people were wtf about it.

There was nothing I could do, we hadn't booked it at that point (we wanted to look at a couple of other places first) so we had to suck it up. I really wasn't impressed though

Original poster
Vincenza · 23/10/2012 11:22

Now you're talking!!

Thanks for all cheering me up. I'm not really this princessy in real life!

OP posts:
Trills · 23/10/2012 11:23

Lets' try it the other way.

DP's brother has just announced that he is getting married at St-Mary-the-something's Church in Somewhereville. We are also planning our wedding, for a couple of months later, and St Mary's is a place I've always dreamed of getting married. It has a special meaning for me because I used to sing in the choir when I was a little girl, and my (now deceased) granny used to do the flowers there. Do you think I should get married somewhere else now that BIL and SIL are getting married there?

Answer: no.

calypso2008 · 23/10/2012 11:24

Oh, I understand a bit more now you explain the family situation. That happened to me, in that, my parents and brother did not come to my wedding and my BIL had to walk me down the aisle. I think you are perhaps feeling on the 'back foot' because of that - peraps more anxious - I did, I was upset about it.

Don't worry - your wedding will be beautiful! Smile It is the first wedding - if I were the next bride, I would not have wanted to do what she is doing. I think you are in the 'win - win' situation here.

WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 11:25

How can a deceased woman arrange flowers in church?

That's true dedication

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 11:25

Ooooohyah freddie, that'd be a tricky one to come back from, friendship-wise for me.....

Original poster
Vincenza · 23/10/2012 11:26

I agree with that Trills but......

  1. Wedding was originally scheduled for somewhere else before it got changed to my venue so it must have been second place 'childhood dream'

  2. That would imply that you had even considered someone else's feelings.

I think it is the lack of consideration that is irritating me the most. They generally behave like I don't exist anyway.

OP posts:
Trills · 23/10/2012 11:26

Now deceased.
Used to.

Pay attention! :o

Either that or it really is the chalk man and the SIL has found out that she is a direct descendant of the man who modelled for the picture Wink

frantic51 · 23/10/2012 11:27

Nice one Trills (love the name btw) Grin

ViviPru · 23/10/2012 11:27

It's just the ceremony.

That's the boring bit.

Weddings are all about booze and fancy scran and frocks and almond dragees.