8 year old DS and cuddly toy

[redskyatnight]

DS has a cuddly dog toy, which he's had since he was very small. It has always been "the" toy that he wouldn't go to sleep without and cuddles when he is upset.

Although he is now 8, DS and Doggy are still inseparable. As soon as he gets in from school, DS rushes to find Doggy and gives him a cuddle and a kiss. He also frequently chats to him (along the lines of "how are you Doggy? Do you want a bone?). He will also come and chat to me pretending to be Doggy, so I have to talk back to the dog. Sometimes DS will ask me to pretend to be Doggy so he can "talk" to the dog, and I generally humour him.

DH is of the opinion that all this talking to Doggy and pretending to be Doggy is babyish and I am treating DS like a baby by continuing to perpetuate it. He thinks I should stop (he has no problem with Doggy remaining a toy just to be in DS's bed or for when he's upset). I think it's lovely that DS has such a good imagination and can't see any harm in it.

DS otherwise does all the normal 8 year old boy type things - he likes Star Wars, Lego, computer games and arguing with his sister. He is doing well at school and is liked by his teacher. He has 3 close friends and also is part of a wider friendship group that all play tag at break times. He goes to Cubs and Karate, both of which he enjoys. I don't see that his Doggy "obsession" is affecting him in any way or setting him apart from his peers.

So, who is being U, me or DH? Should I stop treating Doggy as though he's real?

I don't know. I do this with dd all the time, and she's nearly 5. I also pretend to be my baby DS talking to her...they have long in depth conversations via me .
I spoke to her teacher about her constant need to role play and apparently it's very good for a child's development. It means they're imaginative and using their brain. Personally I wouldn't worry, but someone may come along and say I'm a weirdo!

I really wouldn't worry, he's not 15 is he? I played with dolls until I was about 11 I think which in hindsight was probably far too old. He's not crying about leaving him, he is doing well at school, he has friends, what's the problem?

I wouldn't worry too much either, it sounds like he's aware that Doggy is just for home.

I agree with you. He'll want to stop that kind of thing in his own time. My DS is similar (7yrs old) and I don't think its a problem, I think if he wanted to take it everywhere with him etc that would be more of an issue.

My DS seems to be making it more 'macho' by making 'his' dog more tough & the ones I voice (we have a whole crowd of them ) are the soppy ones.

Ds2 is 10. Very occasionally now he will come home from school go and get his Andrex Puppy and blanket and sit on the settee with them looking tired. These two things have to be hidden when his friends come round for tea. In every way he is a normal ten year old boy. Football, PS3, etc.

Your DS sounds well rounded too, I wouldn't worry.

I see where your DH is coming from, but I don't think it's the issue that he seems to think it is. It's not doing any harm, and he will grow out of it in his own time. It's not like he's still going to be chatting to doggy when he's doing his GCSEs.

It could be quite upsetting and damaging if your ds is told that he is too old to behave in a way that is natural to him, and I think taking away a small comfort has far more potential to cause problems than just letting your ds get on with it. He really will grow out of it on his own, and you and your DH will look back to the days where doggy could fix almost any problem and wish they had lasted longer!

My DD is nearly 14 and we have had "WOLFIE" since she was little, she still loves him and takes him to bed and wont let anyone touch him but in every other way she is a nomal teenager.... its abit of security so you are NOT BU.
Let him enjoy Doggie :)

You are not unreasonable at all. At 8 I had a very favourite toy, and some years later (Irefuse to say how many, but safely into double figures) he's still my favourite, and I still have him in bed with me at night.

I am not (to the best of my knowledge!) stunted in terms of development, and manage to get on with grown up life, holding doewn a serious sounding job etc. DH is fine with it too - though perhaps a little startled the first time they met?!

Let him enjoy his toy, he;ll grow out of it if and when he's ready.

Ds is 9 and he and his 8 year old sister roll play with their toys all of the time and attribute emotions and actions to them.

He does not do this with his friends - he knows what they would consider babyish. He also does not hold my hand in front of them but can't hug me enough when there is just the two of us.

Doggy is not hampering your son's emotional and social development or leaving him open to ridicule from his peers so I would just carry on enjoying doggy moments with your ds.

YANBU - at all. He seems to be very clear that Doggy is for home, not school, which would be my only concern really. My DS7 still has his 'children', he loves them very much, sometimes they spend the whole day languishing on his bed, sometimes he does everything with them. It's usually a very easy way for me to 'tune in' to how he's feeling, actually.

YANBU. I don't see how there's any harm at all.

How silly of your DH - he's still a child and it's lovely that he isn't trying to act all cool and grown up and is embracing being his age. Nothing wrong with it IMO.

My ds is 9 and has blue bear,he takes him on holiday,sleeps with him,sometimes feeds him,I don't see a problem with him still playing with a cuddly.
Ds is 6 and still cuddles his taggie,sometimes he sneaks him to school and I have to bring him home.

My DD is 8 and she still talks to her Foxy, and I talk for him too. I even talk for the cat to her, anyone hearing would think I was mad - lol

He is 8, not 18, so don't worry, let him play. I'm sure making him stop playing with his Doggy would do more harm than leaving him to get on with it. He will grow out of it in his own time.

Blimey. Your DH really is sweating the small stuff, isn't he?

Save the angst for when DS is a teen and hope it's still doggy, not druggy you have to worry about.

Honestly, why look for battles when there are none to be had?

I have 'rags' I'm 23, rags sleeps in my bed. If I'm upset- I get rags. If im tired- i get rags.
Last year mum accidentally put her in the washing machine. I'm ashamed to admit I cried like a baby.

dc1 is 9yo, does exactly that and it hadn't crossed my mind it could be issue...

My DS (8) still has a bed full of teddies, plays with them, takes a bag full of them on holiday. He also likes pretending he is a baby and getting me and DD (6) to look after him. This is fine because he knows not to do it in front of anyone else. It is a security/comfort thing and it's nice, it won't be forever.

I've still got a favourite teddy in my mid 40s, if I'm ill the DCs fetch it and tuck it into bed with me and I will take it to bed and cuddle it if I'm really worried about something too.

My teddy still sits on my bedside table & comes into bed if I really need her.

My DS is nine and he has a pile of cuddlies that he talks to all the time. He has a special invisible translator that he wears on his wrist so he can understand everything they say.

If he is away overnight, he'll take his favourite and I get to look after the translator so I can ask them what they'd like for breakfast.

When he comes home from school, he'll get me to tell him what they have been up to during the day (they are a real bother to me most of the time, tripping me up, asking for snacks, arguing all the time ).

On his residential trip, all the children, from the shyest to the most streetwise, had a much-loved soft toy that they brought along.

Dont worry!! I have 2 almost 12yr olds, they have put away nearly all their cuddly toys, but still both sleep with their 'special' teddy, tucked under their arm. They tried to act all grown up because they had started High School, and they both put everything away, but this lasted for 2 nights!! They even took them to a recent camp out with a group of their mates, and all the boys there except one had a comfort item.
I have a friend on one of the other boards whose son id now 15, and he also sleeps with his comfort toy- especially as he is now getting to the stressfull exam years.

I had a doll that came everywhere.. Had a car seat, a buggy, a suitcase for holidays etc..... I Would carry her in a sling or buggy everywhere.. I did this until I started senior school then I would hide her when friends came over but still talk to her, put her to bed, change her clothes etc! I still have her and sneak for a cuddle and chat occasionally! I think I am a normal 30yr something person ..... Didn't do me any harm!

And -yes- they talk to them (or the cat!) when they have some upset or stress in their lives. they know it is a toy, but it is a way of voicing concerns/fears/happiness/joy out loud without actually talking to a real person.