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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 year old DS and cuddly toy

85 replies

redskyatnight · 22/10/2012 11:23

DS has a cuddly dog toy, which he's had since he was very small. It has always been "the" toy that he wouldn't go to sleep without and cuddles when he is upset.

Although he is now 8, DS and Doggy are still inseparable. As soon as he gets in from school, DS rushes to find Doggy and gives him a cuddle and a kiss. He also frequently chats to him (along the lines of "how are you Doggy? Do you want a bone?). He will also come and chat to me pretending to be Doggy, so I have to talk back to the dog. Sometimes DS will ask me to pretend to be Doggy so he can "talk" to the dog, and I generally humour him.

DH is of the opinion that all this talking to Doggy and pretending to be Doggy is babyish and I am treating DS like a baby by continuing to perpetuate it. He thinks I should stop (he has no problem with Doggy remaining a toy just to be in DS's bed or for when he's upset). I think it's lovely that DS has such a good imagination and can't see any harm in it.

DS otherwise does all the normal 8 year old boy type things - he likes Star Wars, Lego, computer games and arguing with his sister. He is doing well at school and is liked by his teacher. He has 3 close friends and also is part of a wider friendship group that all play tag at break times. He goes to Cubs and Karate, both of which he enjoys. I don't see that his Doggy "obsession" is affecting him in any way or setting him apart from his peers.

So, who is being U, me or DH? Should I stop treating Doggy as though he's real?

OP posts:

JadaSevert · 22/10/2012 17:21

I think your ds will make a slow progression from role play into just a cuddly and then the whole thing will slowly peter out. I had a very special 'cuddly' and one of my twins does and one doesn't i think its a perfectly normal thing for a child and i would only be slightly worried if you felt it was holding him back in anyway, and it sounds like this is not the case!!!

FutTheShuckUp · 22/10/2012 17:34

YANBU- I pressume he knows doggy isnt real and hes just having a bit of fun

QueenofLouisiana · 22/10/2012 21:47

YANBU, this all seems fine to me- role play and puppets are part of developing good speech and language. We expect all our Beaver Scouts (and leaders) to take a cuddly on sleepovers, they are a vital part of the action! Why deny him something that gives him comfort and makes him happy?

IvorHughJackolantern · 22/10/2012 21:48

What OxfordBags said, exactly.

orangeandlemons · 22/10/2012 21:53

My ds 18 has just taken his doggy to university with him.........Hewas embarrassed, BUTall his mates had theirs

All their 'doggies' sit on their wardrobes....and house rules are: No touching guitars, Tv's or doggies . My ds cuddled his every nightuntil he was 11. It went on every holiday with us. I thought his attachment to it was cute...and guess what........all the girls think the fact that my ds still has his is ultra sweet ....

Long may doggies reign IMO

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 22/10/2012 21:57

Yanbu. Let him keep doggy, he sounds perfectly normal.
You could tell your unreasonable DH there's a tick box on the kit list for our Scouts (ages 11 to 14) for a cuddly friend, if one wants to come along in the rucksack.

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 22/10/2012 21:57

DD is 12 and she has had Sheep (it never got a name) since she was born. She struggles to sleep without Sheep. She doesn't cuddle it, it just has to be in her bed.

DS is 8, and has some teddies that he likes to have (having given them all female names), but again these are just bedtime teddies.

For school residentials at DS's (and previously DD's) primary school it positively madatory for bedtime teddies to get taken along, especially as it helps when kids haven't been away overnight from familiar people before. Even Yr 6 pupils take teddies along on residentials.

I'd leave well alone, it sounds like your DS is well rounded and this is likely to peter out in it's own good time, when he's ready.

hugoagogo · 22/10/2012 22:02

When ds went on his year 6 residential nearly all the children took a cuddly toy of some sort.

He is 14 now and his ted still sits on his bed, I don't think ted gets quite as many cuddles now, sadly.

dd is 10 and can hardly move for cuddlies in her bed and frequently talks to them.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 22/10/2012 22:16

My son is just 10 and has 136 teddies on his bed (he counts them!!). He has 6 which are his Favourite which he cuddles every night and will often play games with. No problem with it - at all ! He will 'grow' out of them in good time and when he is ready.

Sparklingbrook · 22/10/2012 22:19

That's lovely hugo. When DS1 went on a residential in Year 5 the school made it compulsory to take one, so that those that couldn't go without theirs didn't get any grief.

WildWorld2004 · 22/10/2012 22:45

My dd is 8 & also has a dog who she takes everywhere even to school sometimes. For her its a comfort thing. She doesnt do the talking thing though although i see nothing wrong with it.

OP soes your dh think that your ds needs to 'man up'?

timetosmile · 22/10/2012 22:51

I think there's a consensus developing here

DS loves teddy, and takes him to Scout camp discreetly hidden at the bottom of his sleepng bag and so do a lot of the other 13yr olds in the tent.

And they are doing manly things like making fires and building things with rope, so you can tell DH it'll be OK

CaramelisedOnion · 22/10/2012 22:57

I still take 2 teddies to bed. I´m 28, and have a child of my own. I´ve had them all my life, and I don´t give a fuck what anyone thinks. I JUST LIKE THEM. Don´t worry about your little lad enjoying playing with his toy. Its good for children to role play and enjoy being children.

eBook · 22/10/2012 23:02

It's fine, nothing wrong with this at all.

Toughasoldboots · 22/10/2012 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valpollicella · 22/10/2012 23:14

DS loooooves his cuddlirs. We have bazillions of them and each has a name. There are about 10 special ones but one is king supreme of the bedtime snuggles.

Tell DH to stop being a dick and let his DS enjoy the small pleasures and comfort. I do wonder if he'd moan about it as much if ds came home from school and went straight for the xbox/ps3/whatever.

Bet he wouldnt...

MrsCantSayAnything · 22/10/2012 23:28

My very bright cousin is now 23 and she still has a special doll who "talks". She is very successful in all areas of life. Tell DH to shut up.

imperialstateknickers · 22/10/2012 23:39

67 people have now said YANBU. I think the MN Massive has spoken.

And I make 68 btw!

Scuttlebutter · 22/10/2012 23:56

Another one here - DH is 42. His special koala has lived with him all his life, and is currently sitting in our bedroom. In every way, DH is a happy, well adjusted man who is also quite happy to splatter aliens when playing Doom.

My special teddy was given to me at the age of 1 and I still have her. Apart from DH and our dogs, she is the one thing I would save from our house.

Our 10 year old nephew still brings a special animal with him when he comes to stay - no biggie - I think it's fine.

Nothing to worry about, and wonderful that your DS is imaginative, caring and loving.

Sparklingbrook · 23/10/2012 06:20

Best tell your DH red. He is being VU.

shushpenfold · 23/10/2012 06:31

Awww - I have 3 dc, one ds who at 12 has never particularly liked cuddly toys but very happily joins in with his sisters games with them (with cuddly toys, voices etc), my dd2 is 7 and she's kind of into them but dd1 who is almost 10 is still asking for them to be bought for her and she has a main favourite...woe betide us if we forget him! They will grow up at their own rate but don't take the toys away as you'll make them really miserable. I suspect that our ds doesn't talk to his toys very much as we have two cats who he loves (and one who entirely loves him back....ear licking and the like!)

RobinSparkles · 23/10/2012 06:33

My DD1 has a special cat that she's had since her 1st Christmas. She's five and I can't see her giving it up any time soon and I never intend to make her.

It's like a member of the family :o.

YANBU

StuntNun · 23/10/2012 06:45

YANB at all U. It would be different if he was taking the teddy out or to school with him. At age 8 the world is a scary place. He will be finding out about all kinds of things, e.g. my 9yo DS1 was asking about the Second World War which of course I was happy to talk to him about. But then he started asking about when the next World War would be and he was obviously alarmed. When they can go back to their teddy either for comfort or to bossily tell them all the things they have learned then they have an outlet for any worries or stresses they have. My 6yo DS2 has been known to put his Piglet on the time out step if he has misbehaved! Much better to have a teddy than bottle up any issues in an 'adult way'.

BigusBumus · 23/10/2012 06:50

I'm 40 and still have Bankie. He has to be in bed with me every night. Even when in hospital having my DSs. He smells beddy, and never gets washed . He's only tiny though, about the size of my hand. I had always assumed I would grow out of it but I never did.

DS had Kiki, which he have up at 6 due to constant impetigo (it was a muslin he sucked and was gross).

DS2 has Silky, he is 5. I'm never going to make him part with it if he doesn't want to.

bigTillyMint · 23/10/2012 07:00

YANBU! He is 8, still a little boy

BigusBumus I am not sure if you are making me feel better or worse! DS is 11 1/2 He has "cloffy" which is a dirty stinky muslin square that he has had (renewed as necessary) since he was a baby. He talks to him, sniffs(eeewwww) and cuddles him when he is tired at home. He is a normal, fairly alpha-male boy at all other times. I did think he would eventually give up cloffy, but having read your post, I'm getting worried!

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