8 year old DS and cuddly toy

[redskyatnight]

DS has a cuddly dog toy, which he's had since he was very small. It has always been "the" toy that he wouldn't go to sleep without and cuddles when he is upset.

Although he is now 8, DS and Doggy are still inseparable. As soon as he gets in from school, DS rushes to find Doggy and gives him a cuddle and a kiss. He also frequently chats to him (along the lines of "how are you Doggy? Do you want a bone?). He will also come and chat to me pretending to be Doggy, so I have to talk back to the dog. Sometimes DS will ask me to pretend to be Doggy so he can "talk" to the dog, and I generally humour him.

DH is of the opinion that all this talking to Doggy and pretending to be Doggy is babyish and I am treating DS like a baby by continuing to perpetuate it. He thinks I should stop (he has no problem with Doggy remaining a toy just to be in DS's bed or for when he's upset). I think it's lovely that DS has such a good imagination and can't see any harm in it.

DS otherwise does all the normal 8 year old boy type things - he likes Star Wars, Lego, computer games and arguing with his sister. He is doing well at school and is liked by his teacher. He has 3 close friends and also is part of a wider friendship group that all play tag at break times. He goes to Cubs and Karate, both of which he enjoys. I don't see that his Doggy "obsession" is affecting him in any way or setting him apart from his peers.

So, who is being U, me or DH? Should I stop treating Doggy as though he's real?

I don't think this is a problem at all.

I took my "special" teddy into hospital with me when I was 28 (erm, yes, 28) years old. In fact I still would age 33 expect ds adopted her when he started having nightmares and now won't sleep without her. Even though I love ds very much, the thought that really now I have "lost" her makes me feel very sad.

Ahem, it's quite normal .

I am 37 and still sleep with my teddy (the one I've had since I was born) and still find comfort cuddling him when I'm upset. I also talk to him .

Otherwise, I am a fairly normal , responsible mum of 3 who manages to run a house (in a fashion) & hold down a part-time job. Your DS should be fine .

YANBU. My DS is almost 10 and still works through some issues /concerns through soft toys with very strong and individual characters. Doggy will no doubt gradually retreat to bed, but I see no reason to force that process along.

Popumkin

My DD won't take her most precious cuddly anywhere, in case it is lost or damaged. Sometimes a stand in is required though.

YANBU your dh sounds silly. Ds is still a little child! Where's the harm and why are people in such a rush for their children to grow up? I still have my childhood teddy. Dont sleep with him or talk to him but I'd never throw him out.

YANBU
Does he talk to Doggy if he has friends over?

My DS age 18 is still fond of his childhood toy. It sits on his shelf but he is definitely still fond of it and my 16 year old DD still has teddies in her bed.

8 is old'ish and a little bit baby'ish to be rushing to find a teddy when he gets home but, personally, I wouldn't worry about it at all. If it makes him happy and he is an otherwise Ok then it really doesn't matter.

Wrt the teddy thing, at school ds recently did a 'secret teddy' confession in class and it turned out 27 out of 30 kids in year 6 still have one. The other 3 probably lied :)

So teddy is age appropriate

Talking to it? Why not? By the teenage years they just move on to world of warcraft - still imaginative play, just a bit 'scarier'.

I wouldn't encourage it in front of friends, but sounds like he knows that already

Wrt the teddy thing, at school ds recently did a 'secret teddy' confession in class and it turned out 27 out of 30 kids in year 6 still have one. The other 3 probably lied :)

So teddy is age appropriate

Talking to it? Why not? By the teenage years they just move on to world of warcraft - still imaginative play, just a bit 'scarier'.

I wouldn't encourage it in front of friends, but sounds like he knows that already

The paper work for the Year 4 residential trip at Dc's school makes it clear that only one cuddly is allowed.

He's lucky Doggy is still in one piece after 8 years!

YANBU

Nothing wrong with a soft toy at that age. He clearly knows not to do this in front of his friends, so it sounds perfectly normal to me.

Wish my 9 yr old would rush home to a teddy rther than the DS or playstation

I'd say eight was very young still, and it's great he has an outlet when he gets home for processing his day, getting comfort and transferring into relaxed hoe mode. Having to behave appropriately at school for hours is often quite a strain for young children.
Also eight year olds often play imaginative 'let's pretend' games - totally normal.

I wonder (just throwing this in as a thought) - would your DH think this behaviour was babyish if you had an eight year old DD? I ask because I think we often expect children to grow up before they are ready, and boys even more so than girls.

sorry relaxed home mode - God what an awful typo

Take him to Build a Bear. My DS loved it. He was about 8 when he made 'Louis Bearez and bought him a football outfit complete with boots.

YANBU

DS had a bottle, a story and 2 nursery rhymes at night until he was 7. He also still got in the bath with me.

I have never pushed my DS to do anything, everything has been at his own pace.

He's nearly 15 now and an absolutely smashing teen.

YANBU
I'm 34 and still have mine in bed with me at night despite my mother asking me constantly as a teenager "what do you think future boyfriends will think" Well my partner of 18 years is just fine with it and probably a little bit jealous that his mother threw away his cuddly dougal as a child
He will decide when he no longer needs his doggie it's a comfort so why not let him have it ?!

Of course it's not a problem why would it be? It really annoys me when parents try to control the private harmless behaviour of their children - it's really intrusive and rude and not something the parent would ever put up with themselves. Next time your DH mentions it say "You know what you're right, I'll take it away and while we're at it I think you should stop drinking/taking long baths/smoking/sticking your hand down your pants/whatever comfort behaviour he has." Everyone engages in comfort behaviour of some sort, it's totally normal, and someone commenting on it or trying to change it is very mean really. He's doing no harm to anyone and obviously gets a lot of pleasure out of it, so overall it's a really positive thing.

My DS sounds very similar! He is 8 and has Lamby who he's had since he was 2 weeks old. He cuddles him on the sofa and can't sleep without him. He also gets genuinely upset if DP insinuates that he's smelly (he's not, I do manage to wash him regularly!), and appears to have completely personalised him. I don't see any harm in it, like other posters have said, your DS seems to know that his toy is for home.

My DP still has his comfort 'toy'. It has a whole personality and opinions (I see it as DP expressing his anarchic side). In fact DP has quite a few peripheral characters too - each one has a different personality (bears/ducks etc), They are not all allowed in the bed at the same time tho (not enough room) :). Quite often they argue to and have fallouts! DP was quite a lonely only child and these were proxy friends.

When DP and i were first together he would disappear off to the bedroom to 'tidy up'. It was only later i realised he was hiding all the 'snuggly people', they object to the term cuddly toy apparently

My brother has still never got over losing Trunky, his cuddly elephant on holiday when he was ten. He is a 37 yr old head of department at a well-known university.

Security is what fosters independence and maturity in children, not forcing them to 'put away childish things' before they are ready. OP, your DS sounds delightful and well-rounded. Your Dh, on the other hand, sounds like he could do with chilling out with a teddy all of his own. He's talking nonsense.

My dd has a very similar cuddly toy. She's slightly younger than your ds. This toy has always been her favourite. She was quite obsessed with him at nursery age. And also loves playing games about him. I have had nursery staff/reception teacher complaints in the past about her playing this particular animal game too much. But I chose to ignore them. Because I don't think there's any harm in it. She's doing well at school and plays all sorts of games and is interested in all kinds of things. So where is the harm? It annoys me really that some people think it should be taken off them. When they're ready, they'll move on. Why somebody else needs to enforce that, I don't know. I think your dh is bu.

He'll grow out of it when he's ready.

Yes, definitely have a sharp word with your H about keeping his beak out .I just bet it's a matter of wanting to 'toughen up' your little boy.

My DS is just turned 8 and has a load of cuddly toys. Actually, his best pal (another boy) had his 8th birthday party at Build A Bear and all these 7/8 year old boys were thrilled at choosing themselves a cuddly toy.

YANBU.

Some people have some very funny ideas about what their children should be doing. And unfortunately, some dads have some very funny ideas about their sons.

My BIL doesn't give his DSs (10, 8, 6) milk because they're "boys" - like it's a sign of masculinity or something!

Your son sounds perfectly fine and normal. Just let him get on with it

My husband remembers very clearly starting secondary school and his parents getting rid of all of his toys because he was "too old" for them.

My son is nearly 14 and still sleeps with his teddy bear every night. And it goes on Scout camp with him, although it doesn't always take it out of his back nowadays!