foster carer

[DistressedMumHELP]

I think she is doing an amazing job before anyone flames me.

They want to go away to cornwall for Christmas, from Sunday before til Sunday after. I however am desperate to see my little boy so before I make a decision I wanted to ask the mumsnet jury what they think of my compromise.

Firstly I get contact on the Saturday, secondly I would like them to come back early so I can see him on the Saturday (though contact is normally only week days social workers said this might be possible) and thirdly that I can see my little boy via Skype on either Christmas eve or Christmas day.

Do I sound unreasonable? It's breaking my heart to let him go but I want him to have the best Christmas possible

I think unreasonable and IMO selfish to ask them to cut short a week long holiday. Obviously it would be reasonable to ask for:

• the contact day you missed on their return say on the Monday
• a skype call at some point while they are away - if this can happen without him being upset

My DS2 is 2.5 loves talking to his grandparents on skype but I guess it depends on your child.

forever in the end I asked for an extra contact before he went for longer and on his return, Skype if possible and lots of photos that I can print of him over Christmas. That I don't think was selfish?

distressed

i just wanted to say that ive read the thread and i really really feel for you but am so impressed that you have decided to let them take him. it really does show a commitment to his needs over yours - well done even if it has made me cry a teeny tiny bit thinking how hard it must be for you all.

can i offer a surgestion? have you put your consent in writing and asked for it to be kept on file?

it may be worth doing so and writing something like" i understand that his need to be included are far more important than my desire for contact during that week and know he will have a wonderful time, i would very much like it if i could have a extended contact before he goes and on his return so he wont miss out on his need to see him mum"

or something simmerler, its putting in writing that you are putting his needs above yours and should anyone attempt to say that you dont then you have evidence that yes you do.

She hasn't read past the front page love, you're not selfish

I'd send the written confirmation via email if you can and registered post. Just to be on the safe side.

That's a very good idea. I wanted to find something that made everyone happy, above all my DS and my foster carers daughters. The rest of us are adults so can deal with it.

You've got your priorities right, OP and that will count in your favour.

If I had a parent, in tears, giving me permission to do something which upset them but was in the best interests of the child I wouldn't think they were weak or selfish. I would think they were a strong and caring parent who was willing to put their own feelings to one side for the benefit of their child.

Don't be afraid to show your feelings to the professionals as long as you keep calm and in control in front of your son.