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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To demand my mother come and stay 10 days before due date.

94 replies

debbie1412 · 21/10/2012 12:14

I feel like the biggest twat going today. There's been some debate as to when my mum should come and stay with us so she can look after dc1 2 years. Im 38+4 and getting anxious about her being a 3 hour drive away. She doesn't drive so if I start going in the night it would be a mission to get her here. She wanted to come nxt wk end making me 39+3.
After having fairly sharp braxtons in the night I've woke up this morning, created blue murder on the phone demanding she come stay as off today as dp can pick her up without having to risk life and death belting up the motorway if I do start in the night.
So anyway she's now coming today and I'm feeling foolish and embarrassed. I'm praying I don't go 2 weeks over due as that's her down here for nearly a month.
Have i been a moron???
Dc1 was born at 39+4 ( think that's adding to my panic )

OP posts:
KD0706 · 21/10/2012 13:11

My reading was the same as carpe - that DH would need to drive a six hour trip to fetch mum when op goes into labour.

I can understand you wanting your mum there op. I agree with the others that you have been quite demanding. But it's done now. Just do as others have said and tell her how much you appreciate it, be nice to her etc when she does arrive.

She's your mum. She'll understand. Especially if you have a chat tonight, and acknowledge that you've been very jumpy. Explain you were just afraid etc

BooCanary · 21/10/2012 13:19

YABU OP, but who knows, you may have baby tomorrow and it'll all be for the best Smile.

FWIW, my biggest worry when I was pg with DC2 was what would happen to DC1 when I went into labour/gave birth.

All our family was a few hours away. The plan was for DM&F to come as soon as I started labour (they have own car, but DF worked and DM is disabled so would have had to wait for DF to leave work etc) - in relaity this could have taken 3-4hrs. We didn't really have any close friends nearby, so as a back up plan, I asked one of the mums from Baby& Toddlers if I could drop DD over to hers in an emergency, and asked my (elderly) neighbour if she could come and sit in my house if there was an emergency in the night.

None of this was perfect, but there was no way I could have expected my DM to stay for 4 weeks!!! And fwiw, DC1 was 2 weeks early and DC2 was 1.5w late! YOu need to calm down put a disaster plan in place. It will all be fine.

AlwaysBizzy · 21/10/2012 13:23

What about your MIL? if it's hard for your mum to be there all the time, why not spilt the time? If it was me I'd be thrilled to be included

brandysoakedbitch · 21/10/2012 13:23

YABU

BooCanary · 21/10/2012 13:29

Btw, the plan of your DH going to pick your DM up when you're in labour IS ridiculous, but their are other options.

If you researched it and agreed a set price in advance, it probably wouldn't be as expensive as you would think for your DM to get a taxi. You can't put a price on peace of mind!

windsurf74 · 21/10/2012 13:32

YABVU. I'm 37 wks pg. My mum and Dad live 5 hours away. Mum is having a major op this week (life threatening) and I've just found out I have to have planned C section this week also due to major health complications with both me and the baby.

So my mum won't be able to come at all until baby is at least 6 weeks old (and that's if she survives the surgery) This is my first baby. And Mum's first grandchild. She is distraught. Dad is out of his mind with worry about all 3 of us. We have no other family around us.

Stop being so bloody precious! Be grateful for what she is offering!

pinotnoirprincess · 21/10/2012 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife · 21/10/2012 13:38

Wow, your poor mother :(

What an awful way to treat her.

Being pregnant is really no excuse for that.

WhyMeWhyNot · 21/10/2012 13:38

Does your mum not have her own life that you've potentially taken her from for the next month, is she scared to say no to you shouting down the phone at her. You know YABU

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 21/10/2012 13:41

I had this problem as all family 250 miles away and my DC1 had been three weeks late. So I decided to have DC2 alone and leave DC1 with DH and get DM down after the birth. Which all worked out very well.

You are probably being unreasonable but hormones are obviously at play!

diddl · 21/10/2012 13:50

This sort of thing makes me so sad-that people don´t have a back up.

Are there really no friends/neighbours who would step in if necessary?

TBH, I´m amazed that your mum is willing/able to turn up today for as long as necessary.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 21/10/2012 14:23

I had friends to be on call... typical ds chose the day that no-one could cover... so we had patched together cover with dd being passed around like a parcel.

I think YANBU though perhaps could have put it a little better... I would not be surprised if baby came soon... do let us know!

fairyfriend · 21/10/2012 14:28

Windsurf, I'm sorry to hear your mum is so ill, that must be really difficult for you all.
But, you know, competitive misery is a bit shitty. So unless someone is in the worst possible situation they have no right to moan?

Lay off the OP folks. She knows she's unreasonable. She's pregnant, uncomfortable, hormonal and scared. Her mum will no doubt be glad to visit and see how her daughter is, and I'm sure they'll come up with a plan that's better than the one they've got. But most importantly, this afternoon she'll have tea and sympathy and a cuddle from her mum. And that may be exactly the right thing she needs to calm her down and bring her back to her more reasonable self.

Some of you on here are very harsh, for very little reason.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/10/2012 14:28

Im surprised she had agreed to it. If my child had demanded i do something i'd have soon out them straight. Pregnancy is not an illness nor is it an excuse for rudeness.

Original poster
debbie1412 · 21/10/2012 14:35

To answer a few, DS is only just 2, we have no family near where we live. My dad is 64 works full time i couldnt ask him to do a 3am 3 hour drive so yes it would have to be dp that fetched my mum. I have friends here they all have there own children babies. It's more if they have to come in the night which if we was desperate it could be arranged and DS woke in the morning to find me and dp not here I think he would find that distressing on top of that he gets a new sibling which although we are trying to pre warn him I'm not sure he gets it.
But yh ok I get it. I panicked and lost my common sense slightly this morn. Lucky I have a good mum isn't it :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
debbie1412 · 21/10/2012 14:37

Oh and just to add I wasn't rude to my mum I was panicked and emotional.

OP posts:
jamdonut · 21/10/2012 14:58

Happy - no, pregnancy is not an illness, but it doesn't stop it from being difficult to cope or cause extreme anxiety.
Everyone and their situation is different. My Mum lived 250 miles away from me. She caught the first train down to us when she knew I was in labour...my stepdad didn't want to drive, and my DH doesn't drive! (I am the driver in our family).
My DPIL, lived half an hour away from us and came at a phonecall at 4am, so my DC's woke to found Nan and Grandad at home, though they were 3 and 7 at the time.

Don't feel bad...she agreed to come!!

windsurf74 · 21/10/2012 15:10

Absolutely fair point fairy. TBH I haven't told anyone (other than my family!) what is going on, we're just manning up and getting on with it.

I think it was the OP's use of the word 'demand' which made me see red! You're right though, it's not a competition to see who has the worst situation.

In the grand scheme of things (my situation also included) it's really not worth getting your knickers in a twist over. Just think the OP needs to man up considerably that's all. :) I'm even taking hormones into consideration here! Grin

Wheresmypopcorn · 21/10/2012 15:12

Yes. Yabvvu. she's doing you a favour by coming to stay and help.

CookingFunt · 21/10/2012 15:35

I don't understand the panic. Have you got back up in case your mother cannot do it or is ill?

Rosa · 21/10/2012 15:41

YANBU my mum was at gatwick waiting to get on an evening flight arriving here around 21:30 local. I started loosing water at lunchtime 38+4 and was in tears on the phone. ( dd1 was taken to her aunt and perfectly fine and well cared for). Mum went to the Ba desk bought a new ticket arrived at 18:20 dd2 arrived at 19.18 .... Dd1 was with her grandma at 20:00 was put to bed and I felt sooo much better. Plus dh could stay with us until later .

mynewpassion · 21/10/2012 16:12

Do something nice for your mother. That's my demand for you.

OldMumsy · 21/10/2012 16:22

If I were your Mum I would come to help whenever you wanted. I actually look forward to being needed again and would be so happy to help out.

BooCanary · 21/10/2012 16:30

I think you're overthinking it OP.
Is there really no way your DF could drive your mother? Surely he could take a morning off or something, if he told his work in advance. It seems totally ridiculous your DH doing a six hour round trip whilst you are in labour!

And I'm sure there must be a friend locally who wouldn't mind coming over in the night if it was an ABSOLUTE emergency! The trick is to find someone in a similar situation as you, who understands your worry, and who you could do the same for in return.

And as for competitive misery, there is something to be said for a bit of perspective!

RonettePulaski · 21/10/2012 16:32

Meh. If my daughter wanted or needed me, I'd be there.

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