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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fed up of waiting for the right time and want to have another baby now!

12 replies

sundancegirl · 20/10/2012 23:13

So I have a lovely DH and DS (6) & DD (4). Have always wanted more children and I think hope my DH is coming slowly round to the idea. But he's worried about finances... We're both employed (me part-time), his job is slightly precarious, but I think lots of peoples are at the moment. I think he wants to wait until things are more settled, but I've wanted another baby since my DD was born and I'm fed up of waiting!
We've got a roof over our heads, we won't starve...
I'm worried that I'm getting older (mid-thirties) and that the gap between our first 2 and the next baby or two, will be too large.
Finding myself daydreaming about having a baby everyday and since he hasn't said a definite no, more like a not yet, I'm finding it hard to move on.
How do other people cope with this?

OP posts:

minkcottonrug · 20/10/2012 23:20

If his job isn't secure then it's not really sensible to have a third imo. Just reading about coverage of the cuts march today, lots of families have been made homeless, dealing with massive drops in income and it's likely to get worse. You would do well to read up on some of the stories and feel grateful that you have your lovely two dc and can provide well for both of them.

Have you done the calculations regarding what lifestyle changes you'd have to make with a third - new car, home, childcare?

SilverCharm · 20/10/2012 23:24

I think it's a case of being happy with what you have to be honest. I wanted three or four...I have 2. I'm 40 so it's doubtful I'll have more...but I am grateful to have two...sometimes it's just not sensible or fair to have more.

lovelylentils · 20/10/2012 23:31

Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel (from what you've said)
I have 2 dc (2.6yrs and 10mo) and woud love a third but dh has just been made redundant so it's looking very unlikely. Feel a bit 'squeezed middle class' about it tbh. (not that we're middleclass) Only rich and those on benefits have lots and lots of babies!

(I'm going to get flamed now so donning hard hat!)

Original poster

sundancegirl · 20/10/2012 23:31

Thanks for the replies. I'm very grateful for what I have and thankful for my family.
I'm also a real planner, which is why I probably haven't been pushing harder for number 3. Just needed to rant I think. :)
Car and house wise we would be ok. Childcare is always going to be an extra cost, but manageable I think. I guess it's more the cost of having 3 teenages, university fees etc.
Silver how do you cope with having less than you originally wanted? Does it get easier?

OP posts:

SilverCharm · 20/10/2012 23:45

I think it does get easier. My DDs are 8 and 4....I do sometimes feel like there's a small person waiting to arrive still....but it's not a bad feeling as it were. I'm not yearning.

I yearned FAR more for DD2....because I didn't want DD1 to be an only child. I was always worried about that.

Original poster

sundancegirl · 21/10/2012 00:01

Sorry to hear about your DH lovelylentils. Hope he gets something else quickly and easily.
Silver that sounds like how I feel really, that I'm not finished and the family's not complete. Hopefully it will get easier, or I'll win the lottery. :)
It doesn't help that friends keep having baby no 3 :)

OP posts:

MrsjREwing · 21/10/2012 00:09

go for it.

Mosman · 21/10/2012 03:44

The whole world is geared towards 2 adults and 2 children so your asking for more expense and hassle by having the third. Personally I have four so we haven't been sensible at all but what I would throughly recommend is waiting another 2 years and then having another 2 two years apart. I didn't do that and wish I had.

SummerSolstice · 21/10/2012 07:50

Would your greater regret be having another baby, or not having one? If its what I assume then go for it. I strongly believe there's no 'perfect' time to have a baby (or second, third or fourth) but its what we make with the situation we are in and our circumstances that matters.

shuffleballchange · 21/10/2012 08:05

If you really want it, go for it, but do make sure your Dh wants it too. I always wanted 4 dcs but will probably be sticking to just the two due to finances. I'm coming round to the idea, still get the desperate longing now and again but am sure I'll get over it, you will too if its just not right for you to have another.

pippinsmum · 21/10/2012 08:11

I would really love to have a third, but we just cannot afford it. Childcare costs for 2 little ones and if I wait for ds2 to go to school I will be too old.

Plus we don't have the room for another.

I feel broody all the time, but know it wouldn't be sensible to have another ( still buy lotto tickets each week in hope)
[Grin]

2rebecca · 21/10/2012 10:31

It sounds as though your husband doesn't want any more kids at the moment. In that case you should respect that. Large families are hard work and more expensive. What do you think you will get from these additional children that you won't get from the existing 2? It will mean less attention and money for them as well.

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