Am I precious pregnant lady? School.

[ZovutZovut]

I'm 31 weeks and blessed with a pretty smooth second pregnancy, however I'm starting to feel the need to protect myself from work impacting on it. I don't think I'm being precious, am I?
I'm deputy head/ senco/ ppa cover/ nqt mentor and cover... and pretty much anything else going. If it needs doing it seems to revert to me.
I've put my foot down on playground duty this week. tbh honest I could just about manage my own (though not great) but everyone else's cover is really impacting on my tiredness and weeing/ eating needs. I'll get in early with the surprise of covering a class (having arrived a little late due to ongoing sickness) 20 min later only to have gate duty dropped on me for the 15min before school starts. Stress. I'm a good teacher but not wonder woman able to pull out a lesson plus resources from any year group from nursery to year 6 on the spot. Then I'll be stuck in class unable to wee with no TA and high needs, only to have break duty and have to some how hold it from 8.45 until noon. I think this has caused a recent kidney infection as I end up drinking less to manage. So I get headaches too. Also, it may be seen as precious, but I don't want to have my bump in the middle of rowdy playtime football/ races in a tiny playground. The kids mean well and are lovely but accidents happen (and parents fight at pick-up but that's another story...) Nor do I like swollen ankles. I know people stand a lot more in their jobs but I'm shattered, I'm desperate for a tea/ loo/ 5 min of silence. If my colleagues were more considerate I'd wing it, but 'SMT' are the enemy whatever you do- last week I had to actually had to shout to get someone to cover the playground for 1 min while I went to the loo as I was about to wet myself in desperation (shivering didn't help) and no one would pop out when I asked nicely. I'm the only bloody SMT member at the moment (the Head is at a neighbouring school, just directing more and more cover/ delegating from afar)
I'm hormonal but I feel like everyone's dumping ground, even when I was off for a few days ill (kidney infection and the only time off) I have loads of emails along the lines of 'where is x' 'you didn't do y'.
I feel like throttling someone and I'm way to close to the end of my tether where I have a hormonal rant/ break down at someone. In assembly today I was acutely aware of boring 240 kids shitless en masse because I was so tired and un-animated.
I'm snappy with the kids, forgetting things and it's all piling up around me. Plus our SEN needs have exploded and Im trying to pass through a million and one things before I go off and am struggling with paperwork relating to referrals, statutory assessment (think paperwork an inch thick) etc whilst dealing with amazingly difficult chats with parent whilst nearly being too tired to focus on them. Or dealing with behaviour issues (rarely those of the children though!)
I'm sitting with my own (not done) risk assessment because what's the bloody point in it being created when no one will look at it. Plus trying to arrange maternity cover for myself whilst everyone carping on about the budget (PM me if you know someone who will do my job for under 10k and then they'll be happy in the LEA....)
Everyone else seems to be on the view it's business as usual when pregnant, and I've pretty much managed it. And yes as someone muttered, I'm pregnant not ill but I feel like being a precious hormonal pregnant woman now and just going over the edge. Everyone has the view that management have it easy anyway, but during my previous pregnancies I did have a class and I didn't feel so stressed.

Is it me not coping? Is it school that's the issue?

OP, have a hug and a

I don't think YABU at all. It sounds to me as though your school has a massive problem and a lot of that will be down to the attitudes displayed by the staff - I can hazard guesses at the reasons for those, but nonetheless it's not something that can be solved overnight without a new and dynamic Head with the time, energy, commitment and good health to do it. With the best will in the world, you cannot fix this, not now (as you don't have the authority by the sounds of it) and certainly not while you're so pregnant.

I'm appalled (and would be very fed up) if my colleagues, many of whom I consider friends, would not help me out in your situation. I understand though, that it is different if you're SMT.

Look, no one's going to look out for you here in this school, so you need to look out for yourself. Leave them to it and put your family and unborn child first. Oh, and yourself.

And am I the only one who's clocked that this is your fourth pregnancy, not your second? Any chance of mobilising those teenagers into action?

Good luck!

Oh and ignore that buy about 4th pg. 4 kids right? But 2nd pregnancy?

I took maternity leave with my second at 31 weeks, simply because work became too much. I never regretted it and he was 3 weeks early in the end, so it would have been a right rush otherwise! The last weeks of pregancy are precious and you need to be kind to yourself. Either agree some changes at work or just decide life is too short and dump them in it for once.

And do check out with the midwife you are ok, with my first pregnancy I felt really wierd and put it down to late pregnancy. In fact I had very very high blood pressure, after being fine all through pregnancy. My son was induced and all was fine, but I'm not sure why I didn't click on that I felt totally not like myself and seek help earlier.

Your situation sounds awful and completly unworkable. You need to break the issue down to make it a bit less tolerable. How many weeks have you got till maternity leave? One of those must be half term so deduct it.

Your teaching will not be wonderful but it will be acceptable and that is fine in the short term. The children will support you with small tasks, fetching things etc.

Do you have any friends on the staff? Just because you are SMT doesnt mean you cant be part of the whole team. Speak to staff members 1:1 not through email and appeal to their better nature. Surely some must have children. Dont speak to the staff collectively, people are usually better individually.

Email the head and state your concerns i.e. risk assessment. Therefore, you will have a written note that you have asked for support.

How is the head contradictng your decisions? Are staff contacting the head directly or are you checking first? Surely as DH you can make small decisions i.e. re breaktimes without consultation. Also, feel free to cancel anything you can not cope with for example assesmblies or pass onto other staff members.

Have you considered contacting your union for further support?

How small is the school? are you the only member of SMT?

You have all my sympathy. Your situation is not acceptable and is not part of being a teacher/SMT. Personally I would be signed of with stress but I understand why you dont want to.

SHE SAID HIGH NEEDS NOT HIGH HEELS. Don't expect a teacher not to get pissy about reading comprehension!

I think you need to make an almighty fuss and NOW!

Have no idea why you are having to cover other people's playground duty, but they sound like an uncaring staff if they make you do it!( We regularly cover for each other when needs must at our school, without any "fuss")

When a TA was pregnant last term, (with her first baby), she was told that she was entitled to have an hour's rest, lying down, each day. No-one would have begrudged her that, though she did not usually need to...but there were occasions when she did.

I actually think you should get your union involved.And you are surely not expected to write your own risk assessment, are you?

It all doesn't sound very legal to me.

And yes, whilst pregnancy is a condition,not an illness (how rude that someone said that!!!)... it can very quickly turn into illness if you are not careful.

I feel very sorry and cross for you, that you are not receiving proper care and attention, and that your staff and your "boss" are so thoughtless.

Thank you for the support, it's been good to come back and think it over.

Euphemia, our LEA have that policy too.

Twinkle, there are some very decent people on staff who already help. I guess I just haven't wanted to push more and more from them. The few TAs we have are wonderful, they are all mums and although they have their hands full often more than others they are very decent. For example if they manage to get a cuppa they will always make one too. Also the caretaker is a true gentleman even though he's only around before and after school. He once changed my flat tyre without even asking, picking up my keys and changing it while I was in a meeting. I could have cried when I went out to change it at the end of the day. It's easy to get bogged down in stress and others and forget that some people are great.

Does anybody else have a funny image of a heavily pregnant lady in pointy heels trying to pick her way over a football pitch without realising it's a silly thing to be doing?

In a similar situation myself but i am a nurse.

Expected to do a double shift 7.30am-8pm on a busy ward and be in charge at last minute.

Im struggling to push a supermarket trolley half way around tesco without having to sit down as my back is so painful. I cant breath either if i have to walk anywhere.

They looked at me like i was a lazy lard arse when i said, no sorry i cant!

BUT i did just say NO. They made alternative arrangements, they had to.

It sounds horrendous and your colleagues sound massively unsupportive.

I would suggest meeting with you boss ASAP to sort something out. Point out that you are feeling physically unwell and that you are concerned that without proper support you may be signed off sick - which will make a problem into a crisis.

A risk assessment should have been done weeks ago. Yes pregnancy isn't an illness but it can cause illness which is why you are entitled to regular breaks and to somewhere to rest and protection from stress. Reasonable adjustments do have to be made.

Apologies if I have missed this, but if you're effectively in charge why are you not delegating? Start doing it. Don't ask, tell. Get somebody to come and cover you for 5 minutes every 2 hours do you can go to the loo - a TA from another class, school secretary.. whoever. If you keel over or wet your knickers you'll have to leave the class so make a plan now.

If your needs cannot be accommodated then go to GP and get signed off. There is no shame in it.

X-posted. So not all colleagues are unsupportive. Ask the supportive ones for help and tell the unsupportive ones what they are doing to help.

Do that risk assesment TODAY. Put on sensible actions that will help you. Or pm me and I'll do it for you. I've done loads at work and could probably do it in 15 minutes if you gave me a list of all your concerns/current issues.

Ok - go and see the midwife / doctor. Tell them the situation and that you don't want them to sign you off sick but you do want them to tell you off / give you perspective / scare the hell out of you.

Go to school. Tell your boss (either by email or better in person backed up by an email afterwards) - quite honestly- that the midwife is concerned about the health of your unborn baby and wanted to sign you off. Tell your boss that you talked her out of it but that she did worry you and you are not willing to put your baby's life at risk. Therefore you are implementing the following......

Make it clear that your boss has two choices - support you on this or accept you being signed off. There are no other options.

You should go on maternity leave.

This is why the rules say that we are allowed to go on maternity leave from 29(?) weeks. Some rest now will be of more benefit than a few more weeks out of work when you have a 6/9/12 month old.

I guess you are the point where you could push yourself and hang on for a while longer in these difficult circumstances, but the effort seems impossible when you stop and really think about. As someone who was inclined to just push through it for years and then have a crash of exhaustion, I've had to revise my strategy now I'm a mum. What worked before is just not possible now - at least not possible to do it AND give my kids their fair share of my energy and time. So, no idea really what to suggest, but please do give yourself time to make a good decision and take account of the fact that however smooth this pregnancy seems, you have to work with how you feel now, and not expect everything to work jsut the way it has in the past.

I am a teacher and was in a similar situation when I was pregnant. I had no risk assessment and dared not ask for one. I was expected to carry on as normal. As I was Assistant Head this often meant 15 hour working days. As for loo breaks - the only solution was not to drink too much and there were days when I didn't get to eat whilst at school.

Anyway, at 33 weeks I got a urine infection (probably due to not drinking enough and holding out for the loo). This caused me to go into premature labour. We had to endure a month in the neonatal intensive care unit which was really distressing.

My little boy is nearly 2 now and for all of his short life so far has had problems (non-life threatening) caused by his prematurity. There have been so many times where I ask myself why the hell I carried on working as I did. I wish I could turn the clock back but obviously I can't. I really really urge you to stop doing all the things that you feel you can no longer do. I wish I had.

I really do think it's dreadful that you're in this position, OP. If I think back to when I was pg, my colleagues couldn't have been more helpful. Morning and break duties were taken away (secondary so possibly more people to make up for my absence) and the Deputy Head whose office was next to my classroom was on constant alert in case I needed to nip out for a wee. I was directing the school play at the time and got constantly told off for moving set and furniture! I went off at about 34 weeks, and was definitely ready for it.

I really hope you get this sorted out. I know how hard it is to walk away from an issue in a school- there's always going to be a level of guilt about leaving kids, and there will always be some moaning parents who can't see beyond the supposed impact on their PFBs. You must look after yourself though. Sending you unMN luck and hugs.

YANBU OP and def not precious.

I wasn't in a job like yours but my employers were supportive, and encourage me to come to them with things that may need to be altered. Look at EvilTwins post this is how it should be for you.

Unfortunately there are always some people who maintain that they didn't need/get extra help so why should you. Its only for a few weeks your colleagues need to pull their fingers out. It could be them having a hard time one day.

OP what is your chair of governors doing?

I'm a chair of governors and if I was chair at your school I'd be looking to the LA for some support. An acting HT / drafted in advisor / someone. Ideally you should be acting head with no class duties sorting out the school with appropriate support. Do you have a school improvement advisor? Can they help?

If you're not getting this then going off sick may force their hand.

The chair of governors has responsibilities and should take them seriously. When our school had a brand new deputy (literally a week into the job) our HT was taken seriously ill and was off for two terms. We released the deputy from class duties, back filled with supply and I either went in or contacted school daily to check she was ok and was supported.

You shouldn't be doing this alone.

CelineMcBean, thank you for your offer of a risk assessment. Sorry I missed it earlier. It's kind you'd do it for a stranger but it's not needed for now thank you as my LEA do a generic one to adapt which is great, plus I've done many. I've just been too down to produce a useless piece of paper that won't be looked at for people who should bloody do it themselves!

Helena, you may notice a running theme here...the CoG resigned a few months back (though still a Gov) and nobody has yet agreed to take on the role. I probably shot myself in the foot a bit, I was the acting head but asked to step back as soon as they found someone else, mainly as they didn't back-fill my role. I hoped with ML looming it would be both better for me and the school to get an exc head in early rather than with little or no transition at a time when there was no other SMT. The LEA provided a token body to fill in pretty much in name only.

Op sorry I can't offer you much in the way of advice, however plenty of sympathy for your situation.

You say the TAs have been supportive of you, would it be worth talking to them as individuals about covering for the first few minutes of break so you can get to the loo? As a TA I will always help when I am asked to, but I have a lot of calls on my time and prioritise those who ask for help regularly.

You may be able to get more teaching staff on side by speaking to them separately and admitting that you are not as well as you appear to be.

zovut I think you need to go off sick and force their hand now. If they can't even provide a CofG to help you lead the school then your LA is failing you. Our LA has a list of chairs who will go and help turn round struggling schools.

You can't do this alone. If they won't help you then go off sick, take maximum mat leave and look for another job. You're doing all you can. You need to think of you and your baby now.

As a teacher and senco i can appreciate your situation i think you need to contact a load of people in the lea and the govenors. You will be off soon anyway so who is going to be running the school then. You need to say you are not going to be doing break duty and that unless for illness and emergencies people can't be off so courses etc are cancelled. If you don't get any joy then go off sick which will make them have to sort things out. You can do all the stat assessment stuff at home.

jamdonut
The person who said that pregnancy is a condition, not an illness would you believe is a FEMINIST and sociologist...
Personally I believe she has done women a disservice but that is a discussion for another day.

Zovut
In addition to what Helenagrace is saying I am wondering if the LA dont want this school to fail...
Having been a parent is one such school I watched teachers who were willing being put in positions that were impossible and unsuitable whilst the LA flocked for their piece of meat. The school is still open but I would bet that not for much longer.

I think in view of how dire things are in your work place I would say if you can't self-manage your workload (because their is a distinct lack of SMT support and appropriately qualified / experienced people to take it on) then I really do urge you to go off sick.

Thats the midwife in me talking in view of the dire circumstances your school is in and absolutely no reflection on what I perceive as your skills as a professional.

Having read this thread about a primary school where there seems to be a tendency for babies to be born prematurely, I definitely wouldn't simply carry on as you are.

Why don't you want to start your maternity leave? Surely it is for this, to prevent you being exhausted and stressed by work when pregnant?

FWIW, I finished at 32 weeks with my first, when I couldn't work the 10 hr shift without eating or weeing (midiwife in a huge antenatal clinic) and 38 weeks with second when I couldn't reach operating table anymore due to bump (delivery suite midwife).

Gracefully withdraw and forget about the place until you need to go back. Much nicer than what you are experiencing!