Am I precious pregnant lady? School.

[ZovutZovut]

I'm 31 weeks and blessed with a pretty smooth second pregnancy, however I'm starting to feel the need to protect myself from work impacting on it. I don't think I'm being precious, am I?
I'm deputy head/ senco/ ppa cover/ nqt mentor and cover... and pretty much anything else going. If it needs doing it seems to revert to me.
I've put my foot down on playground duty this week. tbh honest I could just about manage my own (though not great) but everyone else's cover is really impacting on my tiredness and weeing/ eating needs. I'll get in early with the surprise of covering a class (having arrived a little late due to ongoing sickness) 20 min later only to have gate duty dropped on me for the 15min before school starts. Stress. I'm a good teacher but not wonder woman able to pull out a lesson plus resources from any year group from nursery to year 6 on the spot. Then I'll be stuck in class unable to wee with no TA and high needs, only to have break duty and have to some how hold it from 8.45 until noon. I think this has caused a recent kidney infection as I end up drinking less to manage. So I get headaches too. Also, it may be seen as precious, but I don't want to have my bump in the middle of rowdy playtime football/ races in a tiny playground. The kids mean well and are lovely but accidents happen (and parents fight at pick-up but that's another story...) Nor do I like swollen ankles. I know people stand a lot more in their jobs but I'm shattered, I'm desperate for a tea/ loo/ 5 min of silence. If my colleagues were more considerate I'd wing it, but 'SMT' are the enemy whatever you do- last week I had to actually had to shout to get someone to cover the playground for 1 min while I went to the loo as I was about to wet myself in desperation (shivering didn't help) and no one would pop out when I asked nicely. I'm the only bloody SMT member at the moment (the Head is at a neighbouring school, just directing more and more cover/ delegating from afar)
I'm hormonal but I feel like everyone's dumping ground, even when I was off for a few days ill (kidney infection and the only time off) I have loads of emails along the lines of 'where is x' 'you didn't do y'.
I feel like throttling someone and I'm way to close to the end of my tether where I have a hormonal rant/ break down at someone. In assembly today I was acutely aware of boring 240 kids shitless en masse because I was so tired and un-animated.
I'm snappy with the kids, forgetting things and it's all piling up around me. Plus our SEN needs have exploded and Im trying to pass through a million and one things before I go off and am struggling with paperwork relating to referrals, statutory assessment (think paperwork an inch thick) etc whilst dealing with amazingly difficult chats with parent whilst nearly being too tired to focus on them. Or dealing with behaviour issues (rarely those of the children though!)
I'm sitting with my own (not done) risk assessment because what's the bloody point in it being created when no one will look at it. Plus trying to arrange maternity cover for myself whilst everyone carping on about the budget (PM me if you know someone who will do my job for under 10k and then they'll be happy in the LEA....)
Everyone else seems to be on the view it's business as usual when pregnant, and I've pretty much managed it. And yes as someone muttered, I'm pregnant not ill but I feel like being a precious hormonal pregnant woman now and just going over the edge. Everyone has the view that management have it easy anyway, but during my previous pregnancies I did have a class and I didn't feel so stressed.

Is it me not coping? Is it school that's the issue?

Oh dear... Nice to see Ann Oakley's legacy is alive and well in Mumsnet 'Pregnancy is a condition not a disease'

Yes us women were designed to be pregnant and give birth but not do that and take on the whole bloody world at the same time.

Want my advice - I think you are coping marvelously - I think you are doing your job and someone elses... and pregnant or not you need to learn to say 'NO'

Look... its very simple to say - 'Go off sick' or 'Start ML' but it's obvious that your job has a level of responsibility over and above other peoples so you need to start prioritising. You need to say to yourself first and foremost - I have to do this list, I can possibly do that list and that other list is not my problem.
Then you take your lists to your head and tell him where he needs to find cover or you will have to start your ML early - ie there is a choice - an acceptance that you will do a certain amount of work and handover the rest or no work as you will be forced to stop working.

Now there are ways to do this without pissing off your manager - I wont bore you with the details as I think you come across as very capable in the work-place.

Women, especially those in jobs with high levels of responsibility can easily take on much more than their male equivalent and when pregnant they seem to go into hyper-drive as some sort of apology... I know because I have been there.

If you continue to take all this work on then they will never support you... its the way of the world unfortunately.

My background is midwifery - I have felt the pressure you are talking about to stay until the bitter end. I have done the shifts where I havent been able to leave a ward area for a wee for 9 hrs, not eaten or drank, etc and I ended up threatened prem lab - I went back to work (against all advice) but I made it my mission to ensure that I have 2-3 wee-breaks a shift, I took low-risk ladies and I ALWAYS ate and drank. Work wasn't suddenly less busy and sure my colleagues did more work but as I was still working my arse off until 37 weeks at a time when we were very short staffed they were just grateful I was there working.
In short - no one can or will do it for you.

As a parent that is on the quick-dial of the school's senco - personally if I was shoved down a list because of a SENCO going off pregnant then I would kick the school and LEA's arse because it's not like it snuck up on them like sickness.
I don't need to tell you that the LEA have responsibilities towards statementing processes, LAC reviews and as such they are your safety net - you a vehicle of a bigger organisation... you there or not the LEA have to ensure your job is done and if it's not then THAT is NOT your responsibility.

I know there are parents who would take it out on you but it sounds like you have that risk anyway....

My son was badly failed by a school but there were a number of professionals culpable in that - not one single person...

Look after yourself - you seem dedicated and passionate - give yourself a break.

I'm sorry, but you are the manager here, as the head clearly isn't. To me that means that you get into work early, and dump the shit on someone else - particularly playground duties. It can start the week after half term, so you have a week before then to make it clear to everyone that you're not doing them any more.

I'm not a teacher, but I can't imagine my DDs head coming out and covering breaks, she would get someone else to do it, and you need to do the same.

Anyone who doesn't like it will have a whole maternity leave to either get over themselves or find a new school with a different head.

Ah Ginda's missed her opportunity for a rise, I've vented, cried and it's helped massively. Bit half-hearted frankly compared to work!

I'm sitting and reflecting a little, I think I have also been generally more anxious and emotionally wobbly this time and less robust. I think a frank chat with dh is needed for his perspective.

you need to talk to your union about that risk assessment. you baby is depending on you. your baby has no-one else to pick up the pieces, your baby need looking after too. someone else can do all the other stuff for all the otherr children. no-one else can cary your baby for you. stress hormones are not good for your baby. look after yourseklf, go to the gp/union/on maternity leave/off sick. cite lack of support as a contributay factor.

if you are off sick, they will have to do something.

good luck.

'Women, especially those in jobs with high levels of responsibility can easily take on much more than their male equivalent and when pregnant they seem to go into hyper-drive as some sort of apology... I know because I have been there.'

you're good. Short time in this role, pregnant, out to prove and be superwoman as an apology!

I've never in work early, however early I rise the sickness doesn't shift until nearly eight so I always scrape it in. I'm only answering this as so many have said it in one way or another, I am not not THE boss. I still have the HT as the final decision maker, e.g.
'break duty has changed'

'Zovut, that break duty can't happen'
or
'HT, I don't think we can release X on a course, we have decimated the supply budget already. X went on it last year'
'Zovut, you cover it'

Sorry if I'm harping on-I just feel VERY strongly about a persons entitlement to go off sick if they are...y'know sick
I was in a NHS management position and nearly drove myself into the ground with my, and others high expectations. I was stressed, ill, tired and in pain but I would NOT leave early. Did anyone care? Not really, the place doesn't fall down without you. I got no medals.
The next pregnancy was so much more enjoyable as I put myself first, I felt far less stressed.
It's clear you've been pushing yourself to the max to prove yourself in your new role, but don't burn out. Enjoy your time off and go back with a rocket to sort them all out.

Remember as well that it's been a bloody long half term, all teachers are feeling a bit crappy about now, even those who are not pregnant! There's a holiday coming up during which you'll hopefully have a chance to regroup.

Forget housework, btw. Why add to your stress at work with stress at home? Tell your DH to pull his finger out for some of it and let the rest slide or hire someone to do it.

As for school it sounds utterly shit and badly managed and you have my sympathy. You really need a frank discussion with your head where you say that things like break duties have to be shared no matter how pissed off the staff get because otherwise you're in danger of having to start ML early and then they'll really be screwed.
I don't know if you're still trying to be a good teacher when you are covering lessons, but plan to be lazy one. Get the kids to do as much as possible while you don't and sit down. You know, get them on the computers, doing word searches, designing posters, filling in times tables grids (I dunno, whatever keeps them busy at primary). It's not great but if it keeps you in school, then it's probably better than unknown supply.

A senior-level job means that you have to take responsibility FOR YOURSELF as well as your collegues. If you are unable to do this (becuase of the HT, or budget, or lack of skills, or whatever) then your only option is to stop thinking you have a senior role. Nobody is THE boss - everyone, but everyone, reports to someone else (shareholders, investors, voters, whatever). You are aware of the risks of not drinking enough and not wee-ing when you need to. You are aware that the risk-assessment is your responsibility.
Speak to HT, tell her the situation, explain that you will take your turn on break duty but that you will not take up everyones slack. At the minute, your psot makes it sound like you are the school door-mat not the deputy head.

I really feel for you OP, you don't sound precious, you sound stressed, and not sure how much of that is due to pregnancy and how much is just cos you are in a stressful job. Go and see your GP, maybe see about extending your half term by having 1 week sick. Then assess whether you can manage to go back. In dc's school they have a red card system whereby if the only adult in the class is ill then the card is given to a child to go either to next door classroom or office to get help. Can you arrange a similar system whereby if you need to go to the loo a child can fetch another adult to help? Maybe a different coloured card if you already have a similar system so they don't start boiling water and gathering towels!

You need to write yourself out of the rota too. Just tell yourself that by Christmas you will have 9 months off, some of those teachers who are moaning about it will probably have jumped ship by the time you return. You are probably with half term, and I imagine taking leave from 38 weeks, only talking about 5 weeks, which means you would probably only miss 2-3 shifts. The staff might not even notice. Good luck and look after that bump.

I nearly lost a baby at 27 weeks due to stress.
The lovely Zimbabwean consultant listened to me explain all the things I was trying to cope with , and said "You are trying to do everything as normal. But you are not normal. You are growing a baby. If you go back to work you will lose this baby. And stop wearing high heels!" (true!)

I took his advice, and, despite listening to my (childless) friends saying things like "Oh, women run marathons when they are pregnant" I was able to send the lovely doctor a pic of my boy, born at 41 weeks.
Listen to your body OP and look after yourself.

Oh, and FGS sort your DH out! He needs to do his share!!

YANBU, pregnant women are not ill, but their bodies have more demands and a fragile life inside.

FWIW, I noticed my body slowed down during pregnancy, although I managed to do most things I did, but, yes, often I asked H to pick me up from work because I was too tired.

My SIL was a junior doctor and had smaller babies.

Each pregnancy is different and if you feel you need to slow down and reduce stress, then you should.

Can you start arranging for official delegation of some duties? After all I'm sure they'll manage when you leave.

Good morning Zovut,
Your 1st port of call needs to be with the acting HT who is not supporting you in your role.

Their lack of support is amazing.

I have never experienced a more senior manager reversing my decisions with staff, so i can only imagine how frustrating that must be.
Is there other "politics" at play?

How many pupils at your school?
At DC school, teachers never seem to be the main person on break duty. appears to be TA's. HT will float out to gate to do meet and greet with parents and several other teachers will come out at various points with their coffee to say hello, but its TA's doing all the playground duties.

Could you still do your SENCO work if you went out sick?
Hope you have plans for a lazy weekend, but probably not with a teenager and toddler about!
Take Care

You have my sympathies zovut, sometimes a smooth and healthy pregnancy can fool you into thinking you can carry on as normal when (as I found out to some cost) all it does is affect your physical and sometimes mental health, and the health of the baby.
I treid to do it all with my second very healthy (to the point of didn't really feel pg at all) pregnancy and ended up getting signed off with low bp after almost passing out at work. In the end it was the best thing that could have happened. I had to slow down, my employers had to step up and the manager had to stop dumping shit on me and other members of staff and do things herself. I believe that the next staff member to get pg had a far easier time of it. I don't think it reflects very well on employers if the staff collapse in the middle of outdoor play!
BTW, at my DD's school the HT takes her turn at break cover. She's fairly new and uses it as an opportunity to get to know the children.
Look after yourself, because sometimes no one else will! xx

I teach secondary and although I'm not particularly senior, I felt like you did at about 32 weeks. Playground duty was a killer because you need a break when you're the size of a house. I found that actually you need to ask for help and be open about the difficulties you're facing. People don't realise unless you tell them.
Good luck! x

You must really be dedicated.

Many moons ago when I was deciding on a career my DM told me not to go into teaching. (As she had)

Her reason being that I had spent too many years at school and university to stand in a freezing playground supervising DC for half of my career.

If your attitude in school is the same as it is to people on this thread who are trying to help you then you need a serious rethink!!!

If you say your feet hurt in high heels expect to be told to wear flat shoes!!! If you can't cope then start maternity leave.

I feel rather sorry for the chlldren and parents who ae on the receivng end of all this.

I've never known someone get off play duty while pregnant, because lets face it no-one else wants to do extra!

To be fair I really feel for the OP. I know that pregnancy isn't an illness yada yada yada, but it's a huge strain on a woman, both mind and body.
Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned (I'm only 42!) but I think the last 20 years or so have done pregnant women no favours because of what almost seems to be a competition amongst some women to work until they go into labour.
Maternity leave used to start at 34 weeks with good reason but that's been pushed further and further back now.
If I were the OP I'd be seriously considering starting mat leave in the next week or 2, and having the remainder of my pregnancy with quite a bit less stress. OK so it means a bit less money, but what's more important..

Think of the poor children and parents in my last school... I was sat in the staffroom doing paperwork for the last two weeks before ML.

How they must have suffered.

I am pregnant and work in a school in a deprived area with children who,have many complex needs. We have gone through major change in the last two years with completely new SMT and huge staff changes.

I get huge support from all the staff, they send me in at playtimes and come in to class to let me pee, things like that. I am still knackered every day! If your staff are not doing that Then no wonder you are stressed. This is not a supportive environment and you should not expect this just because your school has particular issues. Please start thinking of yourself more. I know you didn't want advice but you are greeting it, so there. :o

Shesparkles. So true.

I started mat leave 6 weeks before due date with DS. They were absolutely magic weeks.

I visited friends, swam every day, made sure the house was spotless, everything ready for the DS when he was born.

Went for long walks with DH when he came home from work. Totally veged out.

DD was born almost 3 years later. Again I took mat leave 6 weeks before.

I spent those 6 weeks doing everything with DS. Giving him lots of love and attention and preparing him for the new baby.

To this day, when their birthdays are about 6 weeks away, I start to reminise, remembering the beautiful, gentle times I had leading up to their births.

This won't be a supportive environment because none of the staff are being supported. OP included. They need a proper HT and some TA's.

It is probably going to sound a bit simplistic, but when we had a dinner lady who was heavily pregnant we introduced the "wooden spoon" which is still in operation today - 3 years later (it worked so well!)

Every member of staff has a wooden spoon (easy for a child to hold and big enough to see)- if they need help/go to loo/someone is hurt/there's an incident that needs more than one adult they give the spoon to a responsible child - the child finds another adult and the adult HAS to respond.

Everyone understands it is only to be used when there is no other way, so it does not get misused.. The pregnant dinner lady used hers when she needed to loo - or once when she knelt to help a child with a skinned knee and couldn't get up again! I have used mine once when a child fell and hit their head badly - so could not be moved or left alone until assessed by a first aider.