AIBU to be a tad [hmm] about my neighbours new car?

[DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick]

First off, this is absolutely NOT a benefits bashing thread.

I am probably BVU and this will show me up to be a nasty, mean spirited and bitter aul crone, BUT my neighbours just took delivery of a brand new car today- (think 3 letter, premium marque) - which they receive AFAIK through the motibility scheme. (Where I live this is very common practice.) Neither of them work and presumably receive benefits and HB. They definitely rent their house as we know the owner.

My DH and I were both high earning professionals before the recession hit and paid a very considerable sum for our own house, unfortunately we were both made redundant (within weeks of each other) several years ago and have fought tooth and nail to keep our home (both working very low paid unskilled jobs, taking in lodgers and DH moving away for a year to retrain.)

Obviously we are very fortunate to have been able to hold on to our home but it has been an incredibly tough few years- the pressures of redundancy, unemployment, and being on the breadline have taken a massive toll on our mental health, wellbeing and relationships- both with each other and family/friends.
My DH came home today soaked through after being out all afternoon in the pouring rain selling electricity door to door.

As I said upthread this is not a benefits bashing thread- I am fully aware that being on benefits is no picnic- DH and I spent 6 months on the dole and it was beyond grim, however AIBU to want to weep out of frustration seeing my neighbours new beemer parked in the driveway??

Don't get bitter, get better.

Stop nosing out of your window being jealous of disabled people.

Loads of people have it hard at the moment!

dairy, i cant be arsed to go through the whole thread again but wasnt your 'list' based just on them living in ni, derry to be precise and you being skint?

saintly i totally understand that but should you change your mind there are several organisations who would im sure be happy to try and help you sort it out.

Dear op, I haven't read the thread, can't be bothered - but I hope things improve for you and your DH and well done for putting your heads down and weathering the storm.

That takes time Sock, which I never have (apart from when I'm on here obviously :rolls eyes: ). I haven't even had time to get to my annual carers medical this year (they've been sending me reminders since the summer). Honestly it's not worth the stress. I talked to dh about it when I stopped studying and we decided we'd just bother worry about making a mistake.

On that note, work!

annual carers medical? haven't heard of them, however if all goes to plan I'm having my smear in a couple of weeks (should of been done 3 year ago) and my implant renewed (also out of date) Though if the sitter doesn't turn up (as many don't ) it won't happen.

GP's now get paid to carry out a medical on carers (this is presumably why mine are quite keen to get me down there!)

Ooh gawd. Please donate your eyes you can have our car:)

Oh I think it's not in every healthcare trust yet....

wonder why mine hasn't then, maybe it's because she knows the background, she is on the other side of an email, will ask, thanks.

It may be that it's not in your health trust (having had a quick google).

It's paid for from a specific budget. I have to go and see a nurse, talk through concerns, have blood taken. Then go back a week later for the doc. That's the problem - 2 appointments when I don't have have time for 1. And obviously I can't take ds1 along with me, (could manage ds2 and ds3).

think I'll pass, don't fancy the blood test

Tbh I think that some of the 'they must be defrauding the system' reflects a really common notion that people dealing with disability must be poor, must look poor, must appear deserving to meet current societies views of 'those who we are prepared to help'

I remember having a conversation with a woman about my DDs swimming lessons. The woman was arsy because her DD was in a group session. When her group got out my DD got in for her private one-to-one lesson.
She started a 'how did you wangle that!' rather ranty conversation and quite quickly linked it to my son sitting nearby who has obvious SN.
She was quite determined that it must be some kind of a benefit, that I was wangling something.
It was really odd because I just was able to afford private lessons.
But in her head the fact that I had a disabled son and was getting something she couldn't afford it must be part of a system.

To get sympathy, to deserve anything you have to look deserving to the passing observer. It is quite depressing.

I am have made it perfectly clear that I do not begrudge the disabled motability cars and that I have the utmost respect and sympathy for those who struggle with disabilities. I have also stated that I wouldn't trade my health for anything. I have made it clear that my frustrations lie with abuses if the system. Again I AM SORRY if my first post was unclear. Nobody seems to want to acknowledge this. If people want to continue having a pop go ahead. I find it astonishing that so many are flaming me for making assumptions about my neighbours whilst making many about me. For the last fucking time I am not fucking jealous of my neighbours new car.

I am glad you accepted my apology with good grace devientenigma

Just for the sake of clarity OP, my post was general musing - not aimed at you at all.

Dairylea, you really left yourself open to people making assumptions about you. If you post, making huge, sweeping assumptions about others, then you should at the very least, expect people make assumptions about you.

YANBU - It is hard not to think these sorts of things when life seems to be nothing but crap falling on you. Hopefully your DH's retraining will pay benefits and you can re-build your lives soon. The thing about a BMW is that it is not the ordinary sort of car that most of us drive DH and I have an income of around £75k between us but a Honda and a small Fiat are the limit of our car buying ability.

It's not unusual to have a 1:1 swimming lesson is it why on earth would someone be jealous about that? Why would you want to be, as an adult, jealous of a sibling carer? That's sickening

As an aside my dd has 1:1 swimming lessons. I pay for them out of her dla :)

You don't like people making assumptions about you but you make assumptions about others?

higgle, you don't buy a motability car, they are on lease

I'm a bit confused what your actual point is then.

Your certainly letting your neighbours bother you what ever emotion you want to attribute to it.

I did apologise Rinder, I do think the sheltered prisoned life my disabled son has me in is beginning to hinder my ability to interact, get the tone e.g just feel everyone on here has had a dig at me at some point, or ignored me, disabled included.

Oh there's no way I could afford a new scenic if we didn't get it through motability.

I have also been in the situation that the OP describes or losing an income so having to rescue it through sheer hard work (but with the added bonus of being unemployable because of ds1 - that's why I had to start my own business).

I'm not sure any of that is remotely relevant.

Pagwatch - you should see the looks I get when I take the surfboard off the roof while parked in a disabled bay.

If you want to take your curtain twitching to extremes OP you could check out the tax disc of the BMW - that will give you more information about your neighbours and what they are claiming.

:waits to see masses of Boden clad mothers checking tax discs across the land:

at saintly
Yy. I can imagine!