AIBU to be a tad [hmm] about my neighbours new car?

[DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick]

First off, this is absolutely NOT a benefits bashing thread.

I am probably BVU and this will show me up to be a nasty, mean spirited and bitter aul crone, BUT my neighbours just took delivery of a brand new car today- (think 3 letter, premium marque) - which they receive AFAIK through the motibility scheme. (Where I live this is very common practice.) Neither of them work and presumably receive benefits and HB. They definitely rent their house as we know the owner.

My DH and I were both high earning professionals before the recession hit and paid a very considerable sum for our own house, unfortunately we were both made redundant (within weeks of each other) several years ago and have fought tooth and nail to keep our home (both working very low paid unskilled jobs, taking in lodgers and DH moving away for a year to retrain.)

Obviously we are very fortunate to have been able to hold on to our home but it has been an incredibly tough few years- the pressures of redundancy, unemployment, and being on the breadline have taken a massive toll on our mental health, wellbeing and relationships- both with each other and family/friends.
My DH came home today soaked through after being out all afternoon in the pouring rain selling electricity door to door.

As I said upthread this is not a benefits bashing thread- I am fully aware that being on benefits is no picnic- DH and I spent 6 months on the dole and it was beyond grim, however AIBU to want to weep out of frustration seeing my neighbours new beemer parked in the driveway??

Last week my mum renewed all the mortar in her patio. She sat on a little stool and scraped the old stuff out.

And since she did it she has been in agony and can barely move.

But then she is of the "use it or lose it" mindset - if she can do it, she will and she will suffer severely afterwards.

She has always been a strong, independent woman - she refuses to vegetate in a chair and let others "do" for her. It's not her nature - never will be. Asking for help is something she struggles with massively, and she would still rather put herself through pain and do things than not.

So because she was able to push through the pain on one day last week to do some DIY should she lose her entitlement? That one day has resulted in 9 days (so far) of sheer agony.

And guess what...she's pushing through it.

She is not a scrounger, she is the most determined, strong minded, strong willed individual I have ever met. She battles with constant severe pain - and still manages to do more than plenty of people who have no disability. Because that's who she is.

There was a lady in our narrow minded village when I moved here who was "definitely faking". I heard all about her from ear wigging listening at the school gates. The lovely mums were utterly vile about her and her kids in front of their own perfect angels (who all shunned the fakers dc's). Less than 2 years later the woman died of her 'fake' condition. But it's ok because she never looked ill did she??

People disgust me. Also I noticed the "walks with a stick in public comment". Always amuses me as somehow implies that the minute they walk through the front door they are capable of doing the fandango or something . Also implies that they don't use them in private but how the hell could anyone know what someone else does or doesn't need unless they're spying on them

Finally, op you said that people are judging you for judging others. Of course they are because you ASKED us to!! Did your neighbour ask you to stick your sticky beak in their business? I'm guessing not so there's your reason.

Too many folk spending too much time focusing on other people's lives if you ask me. Heaven forbid people with disabilities should get treated with respect.

Fwiw I don't have a motobility car, nor do I want one, so not biased by personal circumstances

Actually I do have some sympathy for the OP, she is going through a shit time, no one is safe in this recession. I guess with 2 high earning jobs in the family , she must have hoped that one of them could keep them afloat. As the recession continues more and more people who thought they were safe may have to adapt to less income and greater stress. This is just going to get worse isnt it, people getting poorer and then targetting someone who they think has an advantage because they are disabled.
Any psychologists out there to comment on a strategy on how to overcome envy when you are sliding into poverty????

Yup I get the well how do you do that or this and well you can't really be disabled then . While I'm sitting in a fecking wheelchair . Right so I faked the MRI and the neuro surgeon and spinal consultant who confirmed that my spinal cord is damaged beyond recovery or repair And that I'm never going get out my chair .

Anyone want to envy that then by all means take my injury

Yes I Di my own cooking cleaning looking after kids but no one sees the nights or days when crying in pain or in bed by 8pm as exhausted .

Sorry just responding to original post as on phone. DLA issues aside, you seem to think that living in rented accommodation = poor. Not at all. Rental payments can be as much as mortgage payments. Hope noone judged me for getting a new car while living in a rented house.

DH and I both work BTW but I do have mobility issues and I cannot access DLA because it doesn't cover the areas of live I struggle with. I come across as able to most people and we just have to manage, which means DH doing far more than his fair share at times.

Assume what you like but don't go around bothering yourself with it.

PS we used to have a mortgage but as the recession hit we walked away from the burden of property ownership.

YABU and you really ought to mind your own business. Think yourself lucky that you are not in a situation where you have to claim disability allowances.

Op where are you????

zebra im not a head dr but when it come to envy, what works for most adult people is..........

"growing the fuck up"

perhaps i should write a book, it could

Zebra I have no sympathy for the op. she lost me once she talked shit and proved jealous of disabled people

that was apsolutly not telling zebra to grow up just answering the question as to what could help.

and i dont remember what the book could .......... i got destracted by a foot

My sister in law gets motability cars. I think she would rather have legs which work. YABU.

Feeble goading effort there theinets

Or do you really believe such shite

theinets thinks fat people should be frowned upon

Shows lack of self discipline apparently......

theinets you do make me laugh,i love the way you only ever jump in with bizzare statements after you have worked out what could offend the most,its really sweet how you never get it quite right.

Hey OP want to come & call my ds2 & I scroungers. He walked most of yesturday as ds1 had a friend with us.so refused his wchair. He's been up most of the night with painful muscle spasms, dh & I were giving him a warm bath at 3.30am this morning. You can come & have the car if you are able to take away his cerebral palsy, autism, learning difficulties, severe asthma, bowel & digestive complaint etc etc. Wanna swap??

Of course YABU. How dare you question your non-working neighbours brand new BMW. They probably suffer from really bad migraines or something equally horrific! How would you like to have migraines once a week? Now stop complaining, be a good little worker bee and go back to selling electricity throught the night in the pouring rain and Mumsnet just might let you have some gruel. Remember if you stop working, it means your poor migrainey neighbours can't afford their next luxury holiday! What kind of selfish beast are you! Now get back to work!

I am afraid you deserve the roasting you have been given Dairylea

Your first paragraph makes a number of assumptions about your neighbours financial status based on the fact you know they rent their house. People have wide and varied circumstances regarding money which they are not duty bound to disclose to their neighbours.

I hope after reading some of the posts on your thread you are now aware that many lead tough lives all the time not just during a recession. Whilst I can see your life isnt as you would wish it right now I think seeing your DH coming in wet and low spirited is probably easier than seeing him coming in and struggle out of a wheelchair. Your OP and subsequent posts were wholly unreasonable and you havent returned to make any sort of amends really

I am fortunate to have no knowledge of DLA or Motabilty schemes. This thread has opened my eyes to a lot of things and I can honestly say I am shocked at sockpixies story. I had no idea that disabled people were treated like this or their cars targeted for vandalism. I naively bought more into the Paralympics spirit and PR. I dont really know what else to say apart from being disgusted at my fellow man

and more to the point how on earth would a migraine be relivant to dla mobility?

gettingeasier

its not unusual, sad as it may be to think that but its not.

attacks against disabled people have never been especially rare but recently they have increased massively and often the reasons are genuinely just because they are different or more recently because they are percieved to be scroungers.

and its not normally children who do it, people say ohhh children can be so cruel but in my experance the kids are normally ok and way more excepting of differences unless they belong to adults who arnt.

my hf kids have not left the house unattended ever they dont get to go out and play with friends despite being physicly able to because the risk of assult or verbal attacks is really high. they look just like everybody else just slightly off because of they way they interact with others or hold themselves (posture not actually holding) sadly this marks them out as more of a target than you would like to think.

on a good day we get stares and snide remarks or a little bit of pisstaking when we go out on a bad day we get name calling and threats. we have only had a phsical attack once but i am fairly certain that its due to micro managing and extream supervision rather than anything else.