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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a tad [hmm] about my neighbours new car?

426 replies

DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 18/10/2012 22:55

First off, this is absolutely NOT a benefits bashing thread.

I am probably BVU and this will show me up to be a nasty, mean spirited and bitter aul crone, BUT my neighbours just took delivery of a brand new car today- (think 3 letter, premium marque) - which they receive AFAIK through the motibility scheme. (Where I live this is very common practice.) Neither of them work and presumably receive benefits and HB. They definitely rent their house as we know the owner.

My DH and I were both high earning professionals before the recession hit and paid a very considerable sum for our own house, unfortunately we were both made redundant (within weeks of each other) several years ago and have fought tooth and nail to keep our home (both working very low paid unskilled jobs, taking in lodgers and DH moving away for a year to retrain.)

Obviously we are very fortunate to have been able to hold on to our home but it has been an incredibly tough few years- the pressures of redundancy, unemployment, and being on the breadline have taken a massive toll on our mental health, wellbeing and relationships- both with each other and family/friends.
My DH came home today soaked through after being out all afternoon in the pouring rain selling electricity door to door.

As I said upthread this is not a benefits bashing thread- I am fully aware that being on benefits is no picnic- DH and I spent 6 months on the dole and it was beyond grim, however AIBU to want to weep out of frustration seeing my neighbours new beemer parked in the driveway??

OP posts:
FangsGoForTheMaidensThroat · 19/10/2012 09:15

Viperidae, nice of you to judge and lambast a 'friend' on here..who needs enemies with friends like you

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/10/2012 09:16

dairy, thats why i said unless you are talking about that.

it still stands that dla has one of the lowest fraud rates due to how hard it is to get.

are you now saying the claiment is commiting fraud, rather than just being jealious because they have a car?

threesocksonathreeleggedwitch · 19/10/2012 09:21

"Nobody would want to have a disability just to get a car. I think the issue is that most people who have no experience of disability, me included, would like to see the system working better for those of you that need it"

if you have no experience of disability how do you know the system doesn't work?
this is the trouble. people who know nothing, moaning about something they know nothing about.
it is daft, judging something that you know nothing about.

PurpleRayne · 19/10/2012 09:21

My husband had a mobility car. A very nice one actually. We paid a substantial deposit, and signed over his weekly mobility payment for it. You probably wouldn't have known he was disabled. Our neighbours certainly didn't. He was dead from his condition at 43. Be grateful for what you have, not what you think others have.

OwlLady · 19/10/2012 09:21

there is a 0.05% fraud rate inst there? and yet everyone seems to know someone who shouldn't be getting it Hmm

i think somewhere along the line people have started believing everything they read in the daily mail

saintlyjimjams · 19/10/2012 09:28

Viper - the issue there isn't the system, it has provided a car to someone who qualifies for it. If the car is taxed as a disabled car then the car should only be being used for journeys that benefit the mother (this can include doing shopping, fetching medicine, even earning a wage). If the car is being used fraudulently then this issue is with policing how it is used rather how it is issued.

The rules about who can use the car & the distance the car can be kept from the disabled person have recently changed afaik.

OwlLady · 19/10/2012 09:33

the letters include what it can/can't be used for now but fgs if I want to go to sainsbury's and buy food that still benefits the disabled person i care for

i am really quite cross, how dare people think they can make decisions about what i can and can't do. They can come round here and look after my daughter for an hour if they want to, it's weird how nobody at all wants to do that though, friends relatives, neighbours. Nope never see anyone offering to help. They are obviously all too bitter and twisted about my new car

devientenigma · 19/10/2012 09:35

same here Owl, see no one !!!

ParsingFancy · 19/10/2012 09:35

ToothbrushThief if the OP had complained about a case she knew was fraud, or about the generic existence of (a small percentage of) fraud, that would be fair enough.

But she didn't.

She's been open that she doesn't know about the neighbours' finances, it's pure assumption.

And she tells us that her reasons for being upset are
a) that it's a brand new car
b) she and her husband used to be high earners but are no longer, and have to choose between a nice house and a nice car.

So it's jealousy, pure and simple. "You have something I want. But I only want the car, not the disability, thanks."

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 19/10/2012 09:43

I am not jealous of their car. I have absolutely no issue with the disabled getting motability cars. I wouldn't trade my health for all the BMW's in the world. I have the utmost respect and sympathy for those who struggle with disabilities and fully appreciate that not all disabilities are, for the want of a better word, "obvious" to an onlooker.
I believe that I may be witnessing an abuse of the system. If I am wrong, then I deserve the absolute roasting I have received. Bashing and begrudging the disabled the support they need to live a normal life is disgusting. As I have already pointed out I am frustrated with abuses within the system.

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 19/10/2012 09:44

Why do you believe you are witnessing an abuse of the system?

What's your evidence?

ParsingFancy · 19/10/2012 09:47

And by the way, your financial situation is immaterial to knowing someone else is committing fraud.

The fact that two of your four paragraphs were about your finances is a dead giveaway.

Binkyridesagain · 19/10/2012 09:48

How do you know that you are witnessing an abuse of the system?

Do you know all about your neighbours finances? Do you know their health history? Do you know anything about your neighbours other than what they choose to tell you?

threesocksonathreeleggedwitch · 19/10/2012 09:50

so op how do you know that your neighbours are scamming?
have you seen their medical notes?
have you seen their DLA claim.
have you been with them to the hospital/doctors???

OwlLady · 19/10/2012 09:54

you don't even know it's a motability car

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 19/10/2012 09:57

Parsing I absolutely did not say anything about choosing between a nice car and a nice house. Wtf??

OP posts:
ParsingFancy · 19/10/2012 09:57

And by the way, I'm sorry you've had a tough time financially in the last few years, OP. I hope things pick up for you.

But please stop this mindless turning on other people. It helps no one, and makes you easily manipulated by those with idealogical agendas.

OwlLady · 19/10/2012 10:00

I must admit when dh and I were made redundant I was jealous of people who rented rather than had a mortgage to pay and now I rent (privately) it's a big weight off our shoulders compared to a mortgage. I imagine lots of people have had to do similar during this recession, sell up, downsize, move home etc It's not really the same as living with a debilitating condition or disability day in, day out though

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/10/2012 10:03

viper

all the benefits you list them as getting have rules, ones that you appear not to know,

carers allowence- you cannot recive this if you recive any 'in lieu of paid employment' benefit - so pensions,ma ect. however you can have a underlaying entitlement - a bit of paper that says if you didnt recive xyz you could have it but no cash. loads of these benefits also need to be claimed as a couple if you are one not as inderviduals if they are a couple.

cold weather payments can only be recived if you also recive a limited ammount of the 'in lieu of work benefits' but not all of them.

unless your talking about winter fuel payments but these can only be obtained if you are born before 1951 - so a pensioner.

carers allowence, does not entitle you to any cold weather payments, it is also not intended to be used to compleatly replace formal paid carers you have to be a carer for 16hours + they do not care if its 16 or 100 you get the same ammount (doing a persons paperwork/shopping basicly anything they need you to do for them if they are in recept of higher rate dla care counts as care, even a phone call to check on there wellbeing if its something that helps them cope/manage there disability counts as care).

a fair few of the benefits you refer to would actually count out each other, so sorrybut your hamming it up, to back up your point and add a bit of drama to your observation.

however, if they are abusing the car (by not keeping it with in the distance of the persons whose use it is for unless they are on a carering related drive) then report it.

equally as such for using the blue badge when they shouldnt.

ParsingFancy · 19/10/2012 10:04

But you can choose between a nice house and a nice car.

If you want a car that much, sell your house and buy one. And rent. Which is the sole "fact" you claim to know about your neighbours.

See. You can have what they have materially - without even the disability.

But you don't choose to. Fair does, it's up to you.

OwlLady · 19/10/2012 10:07

I don't believe that these 'daughters' that have the car for their mothers just do their shopping either, I bet they help with personal care, help organise medication, clean the house/beds/garden, attend appointments, are here to talk to, read to them, take them out a walk etc It's really not a life of riley being a carer, it's a massive overwhelming responsibility the vast majority of the time and you never get any thanks

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/10/2012 10:09

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, as I stated before I am from NI where there has been widespread abuse of the motability scheme and the DLA.

Since when? Is that actual knowledge in NI or just your perception?

Getting really sick of people making out people in NI are fraudsters and scroungers and somehow worse than anywhere else.

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 19/10/2012 10:11

Parsing- You want to know what my evidence is?? Sorry but I haven't been compiling a dossier in them.
My suspicion may be well founded or it may not. If it is and I happen to live next door to one of the tiny percentages of people who do abuse the system should I not feel frustrated?
I gave details about my former high rolling lavish and exotic lifestyle Hmm because I have had it pretty shit recently and can understand how difficult it is for those who have it shit all the time Sad
My Op was evidently not clear and I apologise for that.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 19/10/2012 10:16

I don't get carers allowance because I work for more than 15 hours a week.

Never mind that I do exactly the same amount of caring as I did when I wasn't working. I work around my caring responsibilities, so when ds1 is as school and when he has gone to bed. When someone needs to be up with him at 2am it is me (4.30am this morning). My caring hours and responsibilities haven't reduced at all - but still, no carers allowance.

Binkyridesagain · 19/10/2012 10:19

So based on nothing other than a car you have decided your neighbours are fraudulently claiming benefits?

Wow!