to find a friend's DH's evangelical bleatings about BF irritating

[babysaurus]

deep breath

I FF and have done since my DS, now 5 months, was a month old. I tried BF and developed incredibly painful mastitis followed by thrush of the nipples (thought it would be itchy but it's actually like stabbing pains.) I had to express every three hours with a hospital pump and bottle feed it to my DS, which was totally knackering. Eventually, decided I didn't want to waste any more emotional and physical energy on it (I did beat myself up about it for quite a while) and made the decision to switch totally over to Aptamil and be able to concentrate properly on enjoying my baby.

My friend BF's her baby, now 1, and can sometimes come across a bit smug about it ('the benefits for my baby are so important that I wouldn't give up, his health is more important than mine') but her DH, who is otherwise lovely, is positively evangelical about the benefits 'for everyone' (to the point that, when my DS had a slightly sore eye he suggested his DW squirted breastmilk into it as 'at least that has some antibodies.') This kind of comment has come up quite a few times and his DW told me that when she bought some formula because she wanted to have a drink on their wedding anniversary his reaction ended up with her pouring it down the sink. He has also just posted http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/oct/18/increase-breastfeeding-nhs-savings-unicef link on Facebook, and has posted similar types of links in the past.

So, eeek, AIBU to find all this rather judgey and irritating...? Especially from someone who, as a man, couldn't ever experience breastfeeding (both the good and bad bits.)

Twat

I'm an avid breastfeeder and YANBU. I had thrush and mastitis. Twice. It's shit.

I hate expressing and kudos to you OP for persevering as long as you did.

BFing is great when it works. When it doesn't, for whatever reason, there is thankfully a good alternative. Maybe you're friend had an easy ride of it (my 2nd baby was a doddle to breastfed, compared to the shredded nipple horrors i had with DC1). Either way they should be a bit more compassionate before waxing lyrical.

I think its nice that he is so supportive of his wife.

You shouldn't feel bad about your experience though. Thrush is hideous in the breast.

thanks joyfulpuddlejumper

I know I can be sometimes baby, but I do say stuff sometimes as I think some people who might not have had problems genuinely don't understand.

yanbu.

im a militant pro bf and i bang on about it to who ever wants to listen.

you clearly dont want to listen(as a perfectly legit personal choice) so he should stop.

Yanbu re him - plonker that he sounds!

Yabu to say your friend is smug as she says why she is continuing to bf - just as you shouldn't feel the need to justify your ff (this is your hang up - own it and let it go). Fwiw your friend probably feels she is having to justify extended bf as you can get some funny responses to that too - lots of comments and questions about when you're giving up etc. So it might not be coming from a smug place - just another mum feeling she has to justify her choices to a world that doesn't give a shit.

I breastfed and I think he sounds like a sanctimonious wanker. Even more so pouring that 'poison' formula down the sink. If my DH did that when I wanted to drink on my wedding anniversary I'd have told him to go and fuck himself. But then I drank whilst breastfeeding so my opinion probably doesn't count....

I don't listen to the judgy rankings of other mums so why would anyone listen to the judgy rankings of someone who's not even in the position to physically breastfeed? Never feel bad about your choice, you get to raise your baby exactly how you want to - ignore everyone else's opinion (except maybe your DH!)

Oh dear - he's probably right but what on earth is the point in going on about it to you? Not very sensitive.

Aren't you glad he's not your DH? :o I bet his wife is fed up of him going on about it!

What a twat! I bfed all three of mine but no way would I stand for this crap. Tell him to fuck off to the far end of fuck and then fuck off some some more.

Oh, sorry I'd missed some posts before I posted....
Hangs head in shame.

I had mastitis three timees and thrush twice myself and still fed for 12 months, it's not that you couldn't physically do it, you just decided it wasn't worth the pain.

Oh do fuck off!

I think the point here is not about whether people choose to breastfeed or not. It's about respect between friends. I Bf but some of my friends didn't/couldn't (Jam17 it is most definately NOT always a choice) and I wouldn't dream of preaching on about the benefits once the moment to 'decide' had passed.
Probably completely irrelavent but this reminds me of a friend of mine who wouldn't stop bleating on about her 'perfect labour' which apparently had nothing to do with luck but was all her own doing (no pain relief, exercising regularly, eating healthily, positive thoughts etc.) Saying this to me after my horrific and complicated birth with DS made me feel it was all my own fault and was completely insensitive imo!

YANBU- I hate people who bang on about bf all the time, think it would annoy me more coming from a bloke who had never obviously attempted it!

Fuckadoodlepoopoo I did have a similar reaction to your 'oh do fuck off' comment but also I wonder if I would feel slightly smug if I had carried on and was now On The Other Side, so to speak.

I'd like to think not-

@ fuckadoodlepoopoo

I cut my own head off just so I could continue BF. Do I win?

Baby - nah!

Although, I think Maddening has a good point. Insensitive maybe, but we are all insecure of our choices maybe they feel they have to justify theirs?

He wanted your friend to squirt your DS in the eye with breast milk!?!

I had a really terrible first two weeks BFing followed by an absolutely fine 2 years and counting, I cannot get the little blighter to give it up, even though we've been down to once a day for a year! I am all for men supporting BF and engaging in the debate but totally agree with the OP that unless you've actually done it you have absolutely no plce to judge those who can't/don't. Ffs, even when it doesn't hurt like hell, it is still one person, 100% of the time, relentlessly, often all night long in the early weeks.

Btw, DD had formula too from ten months, and if my current pregnancy succeeds I will definitly introduce it sooner, alongside bf if Bf goes well. Guess what -it doesn't kill them!

Maybe he doesn't realise that people who ff might have had problems they couldn't overcome. My dh might sound a bit evangelical sometimes but it's only because he's being supportive and proud of me for getting through my initial troubles with bf. I'm pretty sure actually that if I had wanted to ff he'd be eulogising about formula, he would have loved to be able to feed DS in the early days and felt a bit left out so I think his bf advocacy comes partly from having to remind himself of the benefits.

And yes bm is well known to cure eye infections. But your friend's dh's comment about antibodies is quite insensitive.

Don't see the problem with posting that link though. It's only suggesting that bf should be supported better.

scurry but how did you stare into your baby's eyes?

Oh, and fuck off Jam.