to ask if i should lie or be honest?

[STBBilly]

family member is getting married.
the person they are marrying has in the past been abusive to my family member. they were also arrested for attacking a police officer, and have done some very random things to cause my family member ALOT of greif.
we have been invited to the wedding, which as far as i can tell is souly under the control of the abusive partner, and my family member is going along so as not to loose their fragile 'family'.
i am not going to the wedding.
i cant sit there and pretend to be happy that this is happening.
now family members are asking why im not going. they all seem to think we should gloss over the abuse. i think doing that looks like we think abuse is ok.
what do i do? should i be honest? or should i make an excuse up?

It all depends on what the abuse was about/what caused it/how old the person was then and how old they are now/whether there's water under the bridge etc.

What I mean is, depending on all that ^^ you may or may not be seen as the one who holds a grudge, and who is too unreasonable to let bygones be bygones.

the abuse was when the partner didnt get their own way. the abused one was the male, and its seems that he was made to feel (by others) that he should suck it up, cause he is a bloke. the partner physically assulted the family member, and made horrible accusations against them, all of which were totally shown to be lies. this was in the last 2 yrs.

the family member seems very afraid of loosing the kids if they split, so its a bit like being held to randsom.