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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the baby on the car whilst you collect your older DC from school - would you?

118 replies

MolotovBomb · 17/10/2012 13:51

I was chatting to one of the other Mums whose son is in the same class as my DD1. We both have new babies: her DD is 7mo and mine is just 6mo.

We were talking about how getting the babies out of the car can wake them, which can be a pain. "Oh, that's why I leave 7mo in the car. I can't be doing with the hassle. I know I take a risk, but ..."

"Do you think she's safe?" Asked I (before really thinking)

"Well, I think she's safe" Said the other Mum.

The car park is round the corner from the class. You turn a corner and cannot see it. I'm usually in for 5-10 minutes collecting my DD.

AIBU to think there's no way on this earth I'd leave my sleeping baby alone in the car?

OP posts:
mumtocuddlebundle · 17/10/2012 17:55

Do youknow if there is a specific law against leaving them at home alone? Just interested.

trixie123 · 17/10/2012 18:00

thing is, with the car crashing into the parked cars - you are FAR more likely to involve your baby in a car accident by putting them in the car in the first place and a crash when both cars are moving is far far worse than a stationary and moving one. The fire / locked doors thing is awful but you have to be realistic about odds of things happening and compare it. As with so many things, it really does depend on the precise circumstances, type of area, length of time gone, distance from car, age of children etc. I did used to leave DD in the car for 5mins when getting DS from pre-school because she was always asleep, strapped into her seat and it was pissing down. A quiet, rural road where everyone is standing round chatting and people know each other's cars. An annonymous city street, maybe not.

GoSakuramachi · 17/10/2012 18:00

If you are worried they will choke when you are out of sight, presumably you take turns to stay up all night to stare at them?
If not, then the 8 hours every single night they are alone is surely more dangerous than the 5 minutes in a car?

And if dangerous drivers at the school are a worry, they are as likely (or actually far more likely) to get hit by a car while out of the car than in it? For every child in spontaneously combusting car story I bet you can fine 5 children mown down near school stories.

Its all about assessing risk. Most people can't do it very accurately, and thats fine, but dont' then try and judge others on erroneous perceptions.

jellybeans · 17/10/2012 18:04

They almost all do it at my DS preschool. Have to go out of sight and takes few mins signing in etc. I always got mine out as it felt risky leaving them. Each to their own though.

Youaresoright · 17/10/2012 18:07

absolutely not, never ever in the car out of sight.

would you leave your purse and Iphone on the car seat in full sight? For most if us the answer is no, so why do it with the most precious thing in the world.

BooCanary · 17/10/2012 18:15

I have done on rare occasion when DS was asleep in the car, and I had a close parking space (car visible from playground). I waited until I saw DDs class lined up ready outside with teacher, and I have then dashed across and back. 1 minute max.
I do same in petrol station, dropping DD off at Rainbows etc - my rule is, if I can see the car and its for c.1 min, its fine.

Hotcoffeeisamemory · 17/10/2012 18:22

No. On account of the way the other parents hurtle around in their cars and try to park stupidly. I have seen so many prangs at my boys school.
Also, I wouldn't in any case.

Original poster
MolotovBomb · 17/10/2012 18:25

Go, I'd like to clarify that my intention is not to judge. The conversation with the other Mum ended as I quickly changed te subject. We evidently have differing opinions regarding this, and I didn't want to talk about it and risk arguing.

The question was whether I am unreasonable about this, not whether the other lady was out of order for doing it.

OP posts:
BeatTheClock · 17/10/2012 18:27

Personaly, not if it's out of sight. But yes if you can see the car ie paying for petrol, then yes I would.

I had dts and know what a palavar it was getting them unloaded just for two minutes then back in again but I did it when collecting dd1 because the car was way out of sight from where I had to be. I used to keep them in the car at a garage forecourt though. Not only could I see them, I always thought it was more likely to be dangerous to get all three out just to pay for petrol.

You have to evaluate the situation and make a decision based on what you feel comfortable with.

Vickles · 17/10/2012 18:37

The law about leaving kids, even a baby alone. UIf there was a fire, or anything happened, and they were killed... You would be arrested and imprisoned for neglect, and possible man slaughter.
My oldest is 8 yrs now. I used to leave her asleep in her cot occasionally and leave the monitor with the next door neighbour. We only did a couple of times, and I did it for her too. Until, she had dinner at friends, and one of the people were an off duty policeman. And he said very plainly, don't do it. It's negligent behaviour. You can hear a fire! And you can't hear a burglar. He said the law would come down very very heavy.

MrsKeithRichards · 17/10/2012 18:39

It's not choking, or baby stealers, or cars crashing or going on fire that worries me.

It's the thought of my baby awakening and being upset for 7/8/9 minutes.

valiumredhead · 17/10/2012 18:39

Well yes, exactly mrsK Sad

SilveryMoon · 17/10/2012 18:45

I wouldn't do it.
I am generally a relaxed parent. My ds's are a bit older now but I'd never leave them where I can't see them.

mumblecrumble · 17/10/2012 18:49

Agre emrs keith richards - the idea of DD waking alone and not knowing where anyone in the world was - horrible and not worth it. And I struggled, struggled with chronic pain syndrome in arms - still not worth it.

snooter · 17/10/2012 20:02

I never left my son sleeping in the afternoons to pop to the village shop, even though he never ever woke till he'd had at least 45 minutes. My mum said - ooh no I never did that either - imagine if the house had burnt down! - it was more the thought that he'd want me & become upset if I wasn't there - the village shop was probably close enough to get back rescue him from a blaze...

naturalbaby · 17/10/2012 22:07

my 3 dc's were heavy 8lb babies gwendoline, I had 3 under 3 so it was always about what was most convenient for me and safest for them.

Having seen 2 car's engines spontaneously burst into flames (and heard of many more), seen idiots drive into other cars, bicycles and pedestrians I'd rather not leave my dc's in an unattended car.

dysfunctionalme · 17/10/2012 22:29

Tbh I have done it. When he was tiny I once parked outside a dentist, he was asleep and I ran in to buy toothpaste. A woman followed me in and said, "Is that your baby out there in the car?" and I said "Yes," and she started shouting..."My husband's a policeman and he's furious that you've left your baby in the car, the police are on their way."
I said to her, "Are you serious? You followed me in here to say that? Lady you need to get a life!"
And I was already wondering why in god's name she had to phone police when her husband was a policeman
Collected the toothpaste, hopped back into car and drove off, giving them a toot and a wave as I went.
Frankly I think they were thugs. It is v easy to criticise and judge mothers of young children, they are vulnerable. If you are truly concerned, there are ways of saying so. But given their appalling aggression, I had no respect and considered them lucky to have gotten away without a "Fuck off".

LolaDontCryOverSpiltBleach · 17/10/2012 22:43

I feel the same snooter , I think that of all of them the most likely to happen is that baby will wake and become distressed very quickly and i cannot imagine leaving my baby to cry and be frightened for anything so silly as a dead arm.

Startailoforangeandgold · 17/10/2012 22:51

Bad Mum, quiet cul a sac have been known to.

BabylonPI · 17/10/2012 22:53

Nope never Sad

Sorry but I just couldn't. If I can't see the car, then the DCs come with me.

I use pay at pump petrol stations or the asda drive to kiosk and pay, so no worries there.

I live in a lovely little village where everyone knows everyone else etc etc, and it's very unlikely my car would be stolen or my DCs kidnapped they'd soon bring both car and kids back Wink

However, my biggest worry is them having a coughing fit or DS (6mo)vomits and chokes on it etc...

Just not worth the risk.

If it's pissing down, there are several mums who will bring dd1 to the car to me or I can telephone the office at school and they will send dd1 directly to me.

Smile
OwedToAutumn · 17/10/2012 22:55

9 deaths on the road every day. 78 serious injuries.

That's what you should be worrying about.

Your baby is much safer in the car park than driving along in the car.

GoSakuramachi · 17/10/2012 22:57

If its really that you never let your baby be alone when they wake for a few minutes, how do you ever let them sleep anywhere? Do you instantly wake in the night the second they cry and rush to them that moment?

Sounds like a load of bull to me.

stella1w · 17/10/2012 22:58

My mum left baby sis in car by school gates, got locked out. Had to call police.
Later when we were 5 and 3 she left us in the car while she popped in to ask the friend something. Handbrake got released and a passerby had to use her body to stop us rolling into main road.
Also on oprah,v sad story of mum who left four kids in car which turned into foreball leaving at least one dead and the others horrifically burned.
Never mind the number of idiots who steal cars with babies in.
Chances of something bad happening v slim but cosequences devastating.

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 17/10/2012 22:58

Not a chance I'd leave a baby with no ability to defend themselves alone, it's much safer to let the child to walk to the car if waking the baby is that big a deal.

PurplyWurply · 18/10/2012 01:30

I once helped a distraught school child who had been left in her mum's car. A thief had broken the car window to steal her mum's bag from the front seat. The poor kid was crying her eyes out surrounded by broken glass.

This was in a quiet suburb a few yards from the school, but not visible from the school.

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