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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to call in sick myself if DD is ill

96 replies

Twiceover · 17/10/2012 09:38

If I call in sick to work I get a full day's pay. If I call in because DD is ill, I have to take a day's unpaid leave to look after her. I know it's dishonest and wrong to call in sick myself when DD is ill and I feel bad about it.

But several of my colleagues take loads of sick days and I have only had two so far this year - one when I was ill and one when DD was ill. So it seems unfair that I should lose a day's pay if DD is ill when I could potentially take plenty of sick days myself with no bother. I only work a couple of days a week so one day's pay is quite a big deal to me.

Am I being unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 17/10/2012 20:05

I understand where you are coming from OP - I have done the opposite

I am currently going through 'restructuring' and can't afford to have any sickness on my record (haven't been sick for over 15 months)

It's very stressful and I got to one Wednesday having had 4 hours sleep since Monday night - I was in no fit state to drive - I said my middle child was ill and took dependents leave rather than sick :( which I felt bad about

I'd rather have unpaid leave than any sickness

ChickenFillet · 17/10/2012 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/10/2012 20:17

YABU, if you only work a couple of days a week then be honest and see if you can work another day instead so as not to lose wages.

In the current climate, more and more employers will need to start getting strict on benefits and abuse of sick pay may mean they revert to statutory pay only which doesnt pay out for first three days.

ProphetOfDoom · 17/10/2012 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

digerd · 17/10/2012 20:23

When I was a working mother, we had a lovely supervisor on our secrion who was 48 and had no children. She told all of us who had children that id they were ill we should phone in to her and say we were ill. For a week we needed no medical certificate. I was annoyed with myself as I could not do anything dishonest - still can't, so never did it as if I had ,I would have felt sick to my stomach with a quilty conscience. Many people would think tha's stupid, but that is how I annoyingly am

HomeEcoGnomist · 17/10/2012 20:24

It's already been said, but it only takes one time for your employer to find out, and that's it.

If you only work 2 days then go in another day. The equivalent for me as a FTimer is to catch up in the evenings

Flexibility is not all about employers catering to the needs of all employees

digerd · 17/10/2012 20:25

ps. sorry about the typos

lovebunny · 17/10/2012 20:28

do it your way. your employers will always do it theirs.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 17/10/2012 21:05

Not everyone PT can just 'go in another day' though.

I am a Lone Parent, with no family support. If one of my DC's is off sick, there is ONLY me to look after them. And I can't work in a different day, because childcare is not flexible like that due to ratios.

Should I stick my DC's in a cupboard to attend work on a different day, to make up for being off when they were sick?

Not everyone HAS the possibility of a plan B. they have plan A, school and organised childcare. Plan B is taking time off work when they are too sick to be accepted at their school or organised childcare.

Just because I am PT, does not mean I can afford to lose the money from NMW because my DC have been sick. NMW isn't enough to live off, losing even one days worth pushes us into poverty.

Food still has to be paid for, bills still have to be paid. If you are already living on the poverty line before your DC's get ill, wtf else are you meant to do?

Then again, I'd take it as unpaid parental leave in most jobs, as sick pay was unpaid for 3 days anyway.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 17/10/2012 21:05

I'd do it. If work found out your child was off too I would say you both had s and d. I am never off work but colleagues have had weeks off. I wouldn't feel bad about the odd day here and there just be careful. I'll be flamed for this but I am being honest :)

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 17/10/2012 21:06

Though I would (and have) lied through my teeth when I KNEW it was going to be more than 3 days due to Chickenpox...

SoupDragon · 17/10/2012 21:40

It boils down to the fact that you're stealing a day's wages from the company.

marriedinwhite · 17/10/2012 22:08

If you work two days a week why can't you tell the truth and offer to work on another day?

Work is about being availalble for work unless you are legitimately sick or you are on annual leave or other authorised leave. If you lie and say you are sick when you are not you are in breach of contract and if your managers find out they are entitled and justified in taking disciplinary action. Your employers are not responsible for your child care or for paying you when you are unavailable for work.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.

LonelyCloud · 17/10/2012 23:53

Personally, I wouldn't call in pretending to be sick myself. I'd go for holiday or unpaid parental leave if at all possible.

However, my views are coloured by redundancies at my work a few years ago. One of the criteria used for selecting the victims was sickness absence over the previous year, and this was scored using the Bradford Factor system - which meant employees taking the odd sick day off here and there got tons of points and were more likely to be laid off.

Since then I have been very wary of taking time off sick. This weighs in my mind far more than the ethical issue of calling in sick vs taking unpaid parental leave.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2012 00:04

I agree: your financial circumstances and childcare needs are not your employer's problem.

Calling in sick when you're not is fraud: pure and simple.

My company has already cut out sick pay for new employees on probation and is thinking about removing it for everyone for the first day of sickness. Sickness is also carefully monitored in line with the Bradford factor.

If employees started to use dishonesty to avoid having to take unpaid leave for sick children the response would almost certainly be to reduce sickness benefits for all employees.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2012 00:05

However, my views are coloured by redundancies at my work a few years ago. One of the criteria used for selecting the victims was sickness absence over the previous year, and this was scored using the Bradford Factor system - which meant employees taking the odd sick day off here and there got tons of points and were more likely to be laid off

Agreed: it was a factor in our restructuring and redundancies last year too.

sausagesandwich34 · 18/10/2012 00:07

where I work, 2 seperate sick days within 4 weeks, or 3 in a year, means no more company sick pay for 12 rolling months

plus if you get found out it is gross misconduct

to risky either way you look at it

I'm a LP with 2 dc and if they are ill I will ring work, explain what is going on and as if they will authorise a holiday at short notice

I keep a week of my anual leave for this purpose, also to cover snow days etc, so usually I get time off in march as I haven't needed to use my 'emergency days'

Jinsei · 18/10/2012 00:55

I have disciplined a member of staff for doing this. Can't say how I found out, as may out myself, but she is now on a final warning. She has no excuses - I know these things happen and have always been extremely flexible when people need to take time off, I let them work from home / make up the hours another time / take annual or unpaid leave, but I have no tolerance for people who just take the piss.

It's fraud. I am amazed at how easily people justify this to themselves. Hmm

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 18/10/2012 07:43

Well if I was in a job that paid enough that I had a 'cushion' of money that meant I could still pay to feed my DC's after taking a day off as unpaid leave, then there would be no need for me to lie about being sick when it is actually my DC that are sick.

If my employer wants to pay peanuts, then they have to expect no loyalty to the company.

It only takes £1.79 an hour over minimum wage to give that cushion, for me, at least.

This is only going to happen more and more often with the Government forcing Lone Parents into NMW jobs.

I have dragged myself into work with a broken leg, in a retail job, and just sat on a wheely chair behind the counter to serve customers. I have dosed myself up when I have raging temperatures of 101+ and done a full 8 hour shift on my feet. I go in to work when ill myself BECAUSE I know I need to use sick leave for when my DC are ill.

My finances and childcare may not be anything to do with my employer, but it's a bit obvious that as a Lone Parent, working for NMW, that I won't have ANY cushion financially to take unpaid leave, and are employers REALLY expecting you to leave an ill toddler at home alone? I guess I could bring the ill toddler into work with me - if they are ill, that would LITERALLY be the only way I could show my face at work.

And if the employer cares so little about their staff that there is no offer of paid dependants leave, and they can't see that the low wages they pay (especially for NMW staff) contribute to their staff taking sick leave to look after their ill DC's, then is it any wonder they get treated like this?

How do employers expect loyalty from staff if they pay them so little that they can't afford to take a single day off when their DC's are too ill for organised childcare?

I don't know of ONE Lone Parent that has 'back up' childcare if their child is ill. All of us have back up childcare for non pupil days, or if, say, our childminder is ill, but not one of us has ANYONE that will take an ILL child.

So that is just how RL is for quite a few people. Our parents all still work, our friends all have DC's of their own and couldn't take an ill child because they don't want their own DC's to get ill.

It would garner far more loyalty to employers that pay NMW if they had a scheme to have a small amount (a day here and there) of paid leave to look after sick dependants.

And as for the Bradford factor thing - I find that an awful way for employers to behave. Low paid, menial jobs, especially shift work, are likely to result in poor health, and therefore more odd days off sick, than an understanding employer that makes provision for the fact that, well, human beings get ill occasionally. Some more than others.

I wouldn't take a NMW job that uses Bradford scoring for sickness. I think it shows an employer that wants robots as staff, not humans, and that I would be unable to show any loyalty to that employer.

For most of the places I have worked, they have had my utmost loyalty and hard work, I drag myself in and do a productive day's work even when feeling like tripe. What I expect in return from the employer is a bit of understanding and flexibility.

The ones that haven't had my loyalty? The ones that made me leave early at the end of my shift rather than give me an actual break. The ones that refused to let me use AL when my DC's were sick (Actually very few employers allow you to do this, I have found. You take it off unpaid or you go into work, in their eyes). The ones that worked you HARD, physically, paying NMW, yet expecting both you AND your DC to never ever get ill!

SoupDragon · 18/10/2012 08:19

Going in when you are ill and contagious is selfish.
Phoning in sick when you aren't is theft.

The employer will have made the position clear wrt sickness and ill children in the T&C.

Jusfloatingby · 18/10/2012 11:18

As a manager I would far prefer if someone who had a sick child was honest with me and prepared to work something out eg working from home, coming in on an alternative day, offering to do a couple of Saturday mornings or somesuch, rather than just rang up and lied about it.

As someone has already said, flexibility works both ways. Also, getting a full day's salary for a day when you are not at work and have no intention whatsoever of offering alternative hours to your employer is simply stealing from your company.

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