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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to call in sick myself if DD is ill

96 replies

Twiceover · 17/10/2012 09:38

If I call in sick to work I get a full day's pay. If I call in because DD is ill, I have to take a day's unpaid leave to look after her. I know it's dishonest and wrong to call in sick myself when DD is ill and I feel bad about it.

But several of my colleagues take loads of sick days and I have only had two so far this year - one when I was ill and one when DD was ill. So it seems unfair that I should lose a day's pay if DD is ill when I could potentially take plenty of sick days myself with no bother. I only work a couple of days a week so one day's pay is quite a big deal to me.

Am I being unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:

StuntGirl · 17/10/2012 13:46

She can't use her AL days, the company have allocated them for Christmas.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 13:51

and..using all your annual leave to look after sick children is not good quality of life. It will lead to pissed off unhappy/miserable/depressed employees who will likely be less productive and probably end up really actually being sick with depression/exhaustion and anything else you get from having a poor immune system in an exhausted stressed body

people are not machines

Fairylea · 17/10/2012 14:04

I'm quite surprised the consensus seems to be in support of the employer and a lot of fuss about lying...

Employers lie all the time. In this climate they really don't give a flying fuck about employees. Yeah you could argue that this means the op should use annual leave IF she was able to etc etc in order to pro've what a wonderful employee she is... because the reality for many including my husband this year is if they want to they will get rid of you or make you redundant without too much hassle.

However your main loyalty is not to work but to your family and for many people losing a day's pay is a big deal so why not lie about it? It's very hard for an employer to prove you weren't ill unless you stupidly added people from work to fb and go sky diving and tag yourself in the photos on your supposed sick day !

Even if you forgot and told someone dc was ill the same day you supposedly were there's no way an employer can prove you weren't ill too. Infact with childhood illnesses you'd probably catch it as well anyway.

Truth is if they are going to be difficult it will make no difference whether it's you that's ill or your child. Having a day off is never a good thing so might as well get paid for it.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 14:06

hear hear!fairylea

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/10/2012 14:09

YANBU, esp if it's a one off. Stupid policy not to pay for sick days IMO

Jusfloatingby · 17/10/2012 14:14

Fairylea
If everyone just called in sick anytime they needed time off for domestic or family issues, companies would be closing down all over the place. I agree that employers need to be flexible (not just with parents but with all employees) and allow people to work from home, switch their days, maybe come in at the weekend or whatever if it's possible, rather than docking pay whenever an employee needs a day off. But employees also need to be fair to their employers who are trying to run a business or provide a service and cannot do so if staff are constantly ringing in sick.

flowery · 17/10/2012 14:18

It's about give and take, and if an employer is generous enough to give full sick pay, it's reasonable to assume employees will not take it unless genuinely sick.

Someone I used to work with used to add their sick pay entitlement to their leave entitlement and plan when to ring in 'sick'. I realise that isn't what the OP or anyone here is suggesting, but my point is that abuse of a sick pay scheme will quickly lead to employers withdrawing generous sick pay entitlements and only paying SSP.

Fairylea · 17/10/2012 14:18

Justfloatingby I understand what you're saying but a parent taking an odd sick day off when they are not really sick is not unreasonable... it becomes unreasonable if it's a regular occurrence because they don't organise childcare properly etc etc.. the same way it's unreasonable for anyone else to have lots of sick days without proper reason. No one is saying those with children should be entitled to take the Michael.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 14:18

floatingby no one is advocating taking time off willy-nilly

most people dont have that many 'domestic issues' and in this case OPs requirements are completely reasonable

yes, employers need to be more flexible/reasonable

Fairylea · 17/10/2012 14:18

smoothieooo · 17/10/2012 14:19

YANBU! It is exactly the same for me (UK arm of a big US company) and although I have not had to do this yet, I would ring in sick if I had to for my DC. I work f/t and have 1 day of AL left (pro-rated hols as I started mid-year) and our HR person is not at all sympathetic on childcare issues. She did, however, give someone a 'personal day' because their dog was ill

Fairylea · 17/10/2012 14:20

Sorry posted twice. Bloody phone.

oopslateagain · 17/10/2012 14:44

The DirectGov website seem to say that you are entitled to time off but it depends on your employer - so is about as clear as mud.

It does have some useful information though.

Personally if I couldn't afford the unpaid leave, I'd call in sick. My 'sickie' excuse would be that my child was ill all night and I got no sleep - I used to work in Personnel and there was actually a valid sick code for 'tiredness'.

flowery · 17/10/2012 14:47

The legal position is very clear imo, you are entitled to time off for emergencies, which would include a day or two for illness, but you do not have any entitlement to be paid for this time off.

Lexie1970 · 17/10/2012 15:26

Currently in this situation as son had emergency op last week and is off all this week too. I work 3 days and had to take off 2 days without pay (only started a couple of months ago so accruing annual leave for Xmas) last week.

DP will cover 2 days this week and I will take 1 days unpaid leave.

Not my idea of heaven taking unpaid leave but I wouldn't call in sick if it wasn't ME who was sick.

With children you will always need more leave than you get so you should factor in losing pay - not ideal but it is what it is.....

Paradisefound · 17/10/2012 15:36

I think it depends how much you value your job and career. If you are in a shitty, low paid job with no prospects - I would phone in sick. But if you have a good job with prospects - I would be honest with my employer. Sickness records are taken into account when deciding on redundancies, promotion, pay rises etc. Really honestly is nearly always the best policy.

minipie · 17/10/2012 15:43

YABU. What flowery said. It may work out in the short term, but in the long term, if everyone does this, employers will start to be less generous about sick days and sick pay.

nulgirl · 17/10/2012 16:23

Not sure what your job is and the nature of your child's illness but my work is quite happy for us to work from home if our child is ill. Obviously it only works when the illness is one of those lie on the sofa moping type illnesses. I took a days unpaid leave when my son was ill but still up and about as he is a nightmare unsupervised.

Next month, once I've been there for a year, my company will pay 5 days paid emergency carers leave per annum. It's a great perk and avoids the dilemma.

Viviennemary · 17/10/2012 16:31

It is annoying if you are hardly ever off sick and other people have quite a lot of time off. I wouldn't blame you if you did say you were ill. But as others have said it's always a risk not to tell the truth.

CatsRule · 17/10/2012 17:09

My work allows for 3 days parental leave for sick children each year.

Just as well your children only get sick a max 3 days per year !!!!!!!

angeltulips · 17/10/2012 17:13

not being harsh, but you've had 3 weeks off for the chicken pox (so 6 days) and another 2 sick days - ie you work 2 days a week and you've not been in for a month of this year?

what on earth do you actually DO that requires such low levels of work?

(ps obviously you shouldn't do it but given you are clearly not running a business/doing anything with any responsibility f**k em, just take it off sick)

McHappyPants2012 · 17/10/2012 17:57

Unpaid leave and sickness is counted the same way in my works, and you still have to do a return to work mandate.

I am tempted to phone in sick for myself when DC are unwell, but I need my job and would risk it over it.

My boss is fantastic and will swap allow me to switch shifts or do overtime to make up my hours

BooCanary · 17/10/2012 18:05

I wouldn't lie, and I haven't. Would take AL or if pushed DH or I would take unpaid carers leave.

It may be a bit pollyanna, but I don't like to lie. It only takes one time to be found out, and then the trust is gone. Not worth it IMO.

Disclaimer: I think if my employer was a complete arsehole, and i was treated very unfairly/badly and hated my job, I might not be so honest.

Tnetennba · 17/10/2012 19:04

I could never do this. It is lying and wrong. I see it as theft. I would take a chance and ask if there is anyway around it, maybe I could work extra hours or work from home.

This would not be a dilemma for me at all.
I have more respect for people who do it and acknowledge its dishonest than those who try to justify what they are doing.

manicinsomniac · 17/10/2012 19:58

Hmmm, tricky one. On balance I'd probably say YANBU as long as you accept the risks to your career progression. I know anybody can get a serious illness or injury but, in general, you know how healthy or otherwise you are and, as you say, are rarely sick. I haven't been ill enough for a day off ever in the whole 7 years that I have been working. So, if I needed to take my sick days when it was actually my children who were ill, I'd do it without feeling guilty and without really expecting to need them for myself.

Until I came on mn I didn't even realise that people had to take unpaid leave for ill children. My work (independent school) pays us our ordinary salary regardless of how often we or our children are ill. However (most ), people avoid absence wherever possible because we don't get supply teachers, we lose our non contact periods to cover absent colleagues. So, although on the one hand we are not losing any pay, there is a culture of 'be there unless you/your child are dying'.

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