Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to call in sick myself if DD is ill

96 replies

Twiceover · 17/10/2012 09:38

If I call in sick to work I get a full day's pay. If I call in because DD is ill, I have to take a day's unpaid leave to look after her. I know it's dishonest and wrong to call in sick myself when DD is ill and I feel bad about it.

But several of my colleagues take loads of sick days and I have only had two so far this year - one when I was ill and one when DD was ill. So it seems unfair that I should lose a day's pay if DD is ill when I could potentially take plenty of sick days myself with no bother. I only work a couple of days a week so one day's pay is quite a big deal to me.

Am I being unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:

pjmama · 17/10/2012 11:33

Running a business with frequently absent staff is not workable either. Employers pay people to do a job, none of us are owed a living.

porcamiseria · 17/10/2012 11:35

if you worked FT I'd get it

but you say "I have only had two so far this year - one when I was ill and one when DD was ill.", given you work only 2 days a week thats quite alot!!!!

really, pro rata you have had nearly a week off sick, which is alot

what about your DH??? why is it only women that take the flak on this issue?

anyway, sorry just being honest

pjmama · 17/10/2012 11:38

Depends on what your job is I guess. Ours is a small business, people talk. It's usually fairly obvious when a call in sick is actually due to an ill child. It can't be proved, you're right. But employers tend to know who is taking the piss and it gets taken into account when it comes to performance assessments, pay rises etc.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 11:41

pjmama this doesnt mean OP will be frequently off

I do this, but I am rarely off

of course no-one is owed a living. but you have to be realistic.

People get sick. People have kids, kids get sick. Everyone has bills to pay

its about trust and compromise

NulliusInBlurba · 17/10/2012 11:53

"I think people should be allocated sick days to either look after children"

This is actually the case in Germany. Parents are allocated 10 days per year per child to look after sick children (under 12), I believe, on full pay. Of course you need to take a sick note in to your employer to prove that the child really was ill. We've very rarely used that privilege ourselves, because I'm self employed working from home and DH teaches at a university, so if he ever needed to look after sick kids he would reschedule his classes instead of taking the time off. But friends of ours in middle management take several days off per year - they tend to alternate with which of them takes days off so it has less effect on each employer.

But Germany has a disastrously low birth rate, so there is a massive motivation to convince people they can combine work and children.

Original poster

Twiceover · 17/10/2012 11:56

I know it is wrong but I was interested to see if other people have done/would do the same in my situation.

I have taken annual leave this year to look after DDs when they had chicken pox (one after the other not at the same time sadly - that was a long 3 weeks ). I am all out of AL now - had kept 2 days in hand just in case but just been told we need to save them for xmas as they've decided to close the office for the full week - bit late to announce that in Sept.

DH has also taken annual leave/unpaid leave to look after DDs this year so he does do his share. Interestingly, the last time he called in to take a day's unpaid leave, his boss said "ok then, you've got a cold have you" and told him to take it as a sick day

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 17/10/2012 11:57

its about trust and compromise

Which is odd given you appear to be advocating lying to your employer

airedailleurs · 17/10/2012 11:59

this is what I do...not sure how I could be found out really?

dysfunctionalme · 17/10/2012 12:08

Gee where I work it is perfectly acceptable to claim sick leave to look after a dependent.

dysfunctionalme · 17/10/2012 12:09

Oh, and many companies pay out up to 20 days leave during a child's first year as they get sick more frequently when little.

Glad I'm here and not UK

peeriebear · 17/10/2012 12:10

If I had to call in because DD was sick at my old workplace, my boss would put it through as a days holiday so I didn't lose pay. He had four DCs and was very understanding!

foofooyeah · 17/10/2012 12:12

I am lucky as we get discreationary paid 5 days allowance for 'dependant relative sickness leave.'

Our own sickness is very carefully monitored so if I had been sick twice already this year I would not ring in sick myself as I would have to go into an improvement programme.

However as you do not have 'relative dependance' or apparently close monitoring of your own sickness YANBU

Boggler · 17/10/2012 12:18

When you ring in 'sick' you are making a declaration that you are ill, too ill to attend work and you are entitled to whatever sick pay your employer offers, some don't pay for the first few days to discourage short term sick leave. So if you call in 'sick' to look after a sick child you are quite simply lying, and lying to an employer is always deemed to be gross misconduct. I would be very careful if you do this because if your employer was to find out that you'd defrauded them out of sick pay you could be dismissed. You wouldn't find any tribunal to back you up as you could have taken unpaid leave but chose to lie to get paid, your employer would be in the right. And don't think that they wouldn't find out, it only takes a comment by you over coffee about dc's cold,flu, chicken pox etc and your employer could put 2&2 together.

I Don't wish to scare you but personally I wouldn't do it, a lot of employers are shedding staff through the misconduct route as its cheaper than redundancy so why give then the ammunition?

XiCi · 17/10/2012 12:18

Yes YABU. Its behaviour like this that puts employers off employing women and thus makes it harder for the rest of us to overcome the prejudice that women with children will be taking more time off. It also skews sickness figures and makes it more likely that sick pay will be removed and employers move to ssp only

Why dont you ask for a days annual leave?

Ciske · 17/10/2012 12:28

The real issue is that the OP doesn't have enough back up childcare in place. We have Plan A, the usual arrangements, Plan B - the grandparents help out, Plan C - I take annual leave and Plan D - DP takes parental leave (he's a teacher so annual leave is not an option).

OP - if you used up all your leave during the chickenpox, can you DP take an extra day's leave now? Is there anyone else who can have your girl for a day or come to your house while you're out?

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 12:39

If men took equal responsibility for childcare during sickness, then employers wouldnt be put off employing women!

5Foot5 · 17/10/2012 13:07

I can understand how you feel as I have been there myself many times in the past. However I still think YABU. When DD was small I made sure I kept a few days leave in reserve for this eventuality,

A few years before I had DD the company I worked for introduced an improved maternity policy and one of the benefits was that, on returning to work you could choose to have an additional 2 weeks leave per year for the first 3 years; or alternatively you could waive that and receive instead a bonus of six weeks salary immediatey on your return. Several women had babies in this period and they all opted for the bonus. However, when their babies were sick several then tried to claim sick leave themselves to stay at home with the baby and were quite cross when told they could not and would have to take it from their normal leave entitlement.

It causes so many complaints that by the time i was in that position they had removed the choice, i.e. I got a six week bonus but did not have the option to take the extra leave instead.

I always felt the orignal policy was quite enlightened and would have much preferred that if it had not been withdrawn

porcamiseria · 17/10/2012 13:13

i am lucky as have a sahp who cares for our two, that said I did take a hald day holiday to help when both had chicken pox

Looks its REALLY hard when both parents work, but its not fair to take sick days

its also not fair on people that done have kids

agree, save some vacation time or ask for unpaid leave

and I am speaking as someone who works in a quite well paid, but long hours culture where people dont tend to take the piss with sick days

that said, we do have 1 man who has 3 DC, and two have special needs, I am always super sympatethic and will help/cover his work as his kids have needs over and above others

but for colds/chicken pox etc its taking the piss

GhostShip · 17/10/2012 13:24

I can see why you would do it, I'm not gunna lie and say I wouldn't be tempted. It's not fair though

Which is partly why we don't get paid for sick days at all.

Jusfloatingby · 17/10/2012 13:26

I wouldn't do it. It's dishonest and if all parents did that, where would it leave employers? If you only work two days a week could you offer to come in another day instead of losing a day's pay? Or is it possible to work from home for the day?

GhostShip · 17/10/2012 13:28

If men took equal responsibility for childcare during sickness, then employers wouldnt be put off employing women!

BUT this is partly because men earn more, so the ones who earn less (the wimmins) stay at home.
Only when wages are equal will your above comment happen

GhostShip · 17/10/2012 13:29

That's a really generalised view of course

Tiggles · 17/10/2012 13:31

YABU - because it seems that your DH can do it legitimately so you don't need to. I don't know about your company but we have a 'back to work' meeting even if we have only been off for a day where we have loads of tickboxes to fill in as to why we were off, not sure I could do that as a blatant lie. I also know someone who was sacked for pulling a sickie (in his case it was obvious as he requested the day off and was refused, and was then 'sick')

Inertia · 17/10/2012 13:34

I wouldn't call in sick, as that's dishonest.

However, you've kept 2 days annual leave as contingency specifically for this reason . I would ring up and say that you have to stay off to look after your child, but will take it as an annual leave day.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 13:36

yes ghost onus still isnt on OP though to shoulder responsibility for employers prefering men employees

Flip

1 2 3 4