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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"they were only sick once, so I sent them in" - Aibu that this drives me mad?

80 replies

Molehillmountain · 16/10/2012 14:00

Just because the child in question was only sick once, it doesn't mean it's not a bug, and if it is then they're more than likely spreading it around. The number of times I hear this from sensible people is unbelievable. A bit sore about it today as this is day two of my fifteen month old having a vomiting bug (we're at home and have cancelled plans).

OP posts:

Sal100 · 16/10/2012 14:34

I had this up the school yesterday, someone brought in a kid who was sick all day sunday and when I told them they should have waited 48 hours I was told he was 'being a git at home'! The mum doesnt work so no reason to sent him in.

Unacceptable · 16/10/2012 14:37

I know exactly why this gets to you but lunar, dreaming and saggy are giving you reasons why it isn't so cut and dry.
I have had a written warning from my DD school informing me that they will be informing the education welfare officer if her attendance drops below 90% again this year. She has only ever been kept home for vomiting or diarrhoea and then for the 48 hours after in accordance with school rules but it feels as though we have been reprimanded for that and I am now very reluctant to keep her home.

PiratesKnittingTreasure · 16/10/2012 14:39

TheLazyGirl, the only bit of your post I vehemently disagree with is "take them to the doctors". Noooooo!!!

Most kids with a virus/cold/cough/tummy bug don't need to go anywhere near a doctor. They need to stay home, rest and keep dehydrated, not go outside and spread their germs!

MousyMouse · 16/10/2012 14:39

depends.
dc1 has reflux so vomits when coughing hard or has eaten too much.
so I send dc to school. (unless it is a real bug, of course)

Kendodd · 16/10/2012 14:47

Mine was sick once at breakfast yesterday, this is my second day at home with them bouncing around in apparently perfect health. Fed up.

stinklebell · 16/10/2012 14:50

YANBU on the whole, but there have been occasions when mine have randomly been sick - DD1 is coelic and before her diagnosis she would randomly vomit. DD2 has over indulged on the icecream factory at Pizza Hut

schools are partly to blame though due to this ridiculous obsession with rewarding 100% attendance.

Yes, this doesn't help. My DD2 was off school for 3 weeks in the 1st half term of school last year - she had glandular fever - the worst of it was during the summer holidays but missed the first 3 weeks - school knew why she was off, had had confirmation from our GP

We then had a letter from school threatening us with further action if her attendance didn't improve.

3 weeks later she was sent home from school having been sick, another 2 days off school.

We were again threatened with further action if she took any more time off as her attendance was so bad. Fortunately she was fine for the rest of the school year and it all evened out in the end

stinklebell · 16/10/2012 14:51

*coeliac

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 16/10/2012 15:10

Ive had letters from DDs school regarding her attendance. I basically told them to shove it. She spent nearly a year eating gluten in order to undergo a gastroscopy to diagnose Coeliac, she was run down and prone to picking up everything going for months. Combine that with the excruciating pain, and terrible tiredness, and you have a situation that isnt beneficial to learning.
Ive also been told to take her to the doctors every time she is absent. Not going to happen.

gutzgutz · 16/10/2012 15:38

Well, if you don't work, then fine, YANBU but if you are, it's very difficult to take time off without reperrcussions from clients/ HR/ colleagues.

I am specifically holding back some holiday just in case DS needs to be kept off and I only get 3 paid emergency days and can't afford to lose pay.

In an ideal world of course I hate sending him in ill but sometimes there isn't much choice.

dreamingbohemian · 16/10/2012 15:44

unacceptable that's crazy, how can schools be so unreasonable??

I would be in the exact same situation if DS were in school not nursery, during the winter he picks up absolutely everything.

Good on you Saggy for telling them to shove it. I mean, honestly.

ReindeerBOOOOllocks · 16/10/2012 15:48

If it is a D&V bug then YANBU

My child vomits and I try not to keep him off school if he does. However, I know that its not because of a tummy bug, but because he is tube fed at night and he coughs a lot, which in turn causes the vomiting.

I tell the school to be aware of it (but usually it means that his chest isnt right). If any parents overheard me they could probably get narked, but I know my child wouldn't actually be harbouring any D&V bugs for them to actually get worried about.

monkeysbignuts · 16/10/2012 15:56

it pisses me off too.
A woman came into dd nursery with her kid who was clearly coming out with chicken pox! I was 39 weeks pregnant and wanted to kill said woman for bringing the child in when it was fucking obvious he had the pox! He was covered head to foot in red spots that were yet to blister so highly contagious.
Also another mum sent her son into school despite the fact that he had been up in the night with a fever?! What on earth are people thinking, lets spread the germs so they can rip right through the school/pre school/nursery. I don't care if they have to take time off work, tough, your kid is sick its your responsibility.
Same with d&v its so contagious and its only 48 hours at home.

happydotcom · 16/10/2012 15:57

Yanbu.
My lo has a horrible virus and was off nursery Monday ( also ill over weekend). We usually go to toddler group on Tuesdays but there are some very young babies / pregnant mums that go. I couldn't inflict it on anyone. I'd hate them to get as poorly as ds. Temps of 41. :(

FML · 16/10/2012 16:08

My DSs school literally send out letters, texts, they also ring whenever they are off, wanting answers and if you say "Well, he was sick last night" they ask whether he has been sick on the morning, and if he had managed to keep toast down, he is fit for school. They also want proof they was ill like a photocopy of a prescription with a date on it, if they wasn't ill enough to go the doctors, then in their opinion they are well enough for school. If their attendance drops below 90%, then they report it to the ESW and then you end up with them on your back badgering you.

Saying that though, I don't give two hoots and tell them so. If he is ill, he is ill. I have no control over that and I am not going to force him to go to school.

I blame the school though for putting pressure on parents over this whole obsession with attendance percentages, not the parents.

Original poster

Molehillmountain · 16/10/2012 16:19

Just to say-the people I'm talking about are friends of mine (lovely in all ways) who don't seem to get this particular thing. They're not children with reasons like coeliac or migraine or coughing that's making them sick-just that wake up in the night I feel poorly I've been sick kind of sickness. My dc have at times had coughing type sickness and ds once when he was on antibiotics and spat/threw it back out. Don't feel that people (in this case me don't understand)

OP posts:

Lovewearingjeans · 16/10/2012 16:26

I have been at both ends by working in childcare and school situations, and the 48 hr thing is also to protect the members of staff who work with these ill children! I am also a parent who has children with sickness bugs recently. I feel sorry for the children who get sent in ill, when all they needed to be was at home having a duvet day.

bagofholly · 16/10/2012 16:42

DC throws up when upset. Has always done it, and was upset at nursery on Monday (balloon burst just as he was waking from a nap) and he cried. And cried. I said "he'll be sick in a min" and then he threw up. Nursery manager said "oh dear, we'll see you Thursday then."
FFS. He isn't ill, but she said "that's the rule."

PropertyNightmare · 16/10/2012 17:33

Yanbu. It is very selfish to expect others to deal with cleanIng up vomit plus spreading bugs to others is really not on.

Stangirl · 16/10/2012 17:44

The nursery my two attend seems to have a different policy to everyone else here. If a child is sick twice whilst there or 3 loose poos or runs a temp then they have to go home for 24hours. The other day my daughter was sick first thing in the morning and I told the staff when I turned up - they took her in no problem.

Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo · 16/10/2012 17:47

D&V or repeated sickness alone - yes the child should be kept at home.

Just D - the child should be kept at home

Just a one off episode of vomiting - that's where parental judgement should play a role. Children vomit for a huge number of reasons. I have one very car sick child. If she chucks up in the car on the way home from grandparents on Sunday afternoon am I supposed to keep her off school till Wednesday

Unwell children should not be at school. Well children should be.

wonkylegs · 16/10/2012 18:33

I think we err on the harsh side but that's because DH is an unsympathetic dr and if it's infectious - immuno-compromised me is more than likely to have it first.... so we keep a close eye on the infectious stuff but use educated judgement. And we're going to run out of work goodwill and flexibility very fast (we both work FT) if school continue how they've started... Last week I got called in to pick up DS as he'd fallen over and bumped himself. Ok fine except he wasn't bothered at all (and teacher confirmed he wasn't when he fell) and apart from a small superficial bruise there was no injury.... No reason to come home but school insisted I had to pick him up so he ended up coming to my hospital appt and bouncing off the walls as he was COMPLETELY FINE.

MWB22 · 16/10/2012 20:12

Overheard as I dropped mine off yesterday. "I had the bug last week. Little X was sick last night, but he's been fine this morning and he really wanted to come to school today, so I couldn't say no. I'm at home if he's sick again and you need me "

Err, yes you can say no, you are the adult and if you've had the bug it is pretty certain Little X has the bug.

ThePlEWhoLovedMe · 16/10/2012 20:13

At my kids school, if they are sick at school but do not feel unwell they send them back into class. If they are sick again they send them home.

Should adults been off work for 24 hours if they have been sick but feel well? Like to see how that would go down.

rosabud · 16/10/2012 20:26

YABU and a bit over-precious. Kids get sick, it's a fact of childhood. There's no reason to go home just because of one vomiting incident! If kids are sick in the night but fine in the morning what's the sense in keeping them in all day? Children do have to get all these illnesses, including chicken-pox, you can't protect them forever and it's probably not healthy to either. I'd be really disappointed if a friend cut short her visit just because one of her children vomited!

Startailoforangeandgold · 16/10/2012 20:39

Having coughed most of every winter and sometimes coughed myself sick. I certainly couldn't have had the time off.

I had to hide in the very back corner of my English mock because I was coughing myself silly and didn't want to disturb the others.

School sickness rules drive me mad, we want 95% attendance, but don't come in if......

Our swimming pool says don't come swimming within two weeks of sickness or diarrhoea. I can really see people who've paid of a terms lessons taking any notice of that

Also in all honesty once mine were out of nappies I wouldn't know if they had diarrhoea, DD2 especially likes her privacy.

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